#484: Cruzin’ 4 Male Tail

*Featured image by @mayowulff

Pod Description:

Radio serials, lawyers, water pills, the bar for ugly.


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

ReOccuring Segments


“Animals don’t have a hat. An animal doesn’t have sun screen.” – Walt

“Oh no, no I wasn’t looking for dick.” – Bry

“Yeah you’re kinda like in your birthday suit floating around in your mother’s womb gettin’ busy!” – Walt

“What makes them better than you? You don’t see a lizard wearing a hat!” – Bry

“How many times do I need to watch these two Lame-os fight about whether he’s Spider-Man or not?” – Q

“I want to be able to publish my own version of Mickey Mouse. I was told that when I was born that was my right if I live long enough.” – Walt

“That’s my mutant power. That’s what I do. It’s always someone else’s fault.” – Q

“We;d like to submit the ‘No Homo’ defense your honor.” – Q

“Oh hello, what are you doing here. You look just like me.” – Bry living out his in utero fantasy.

“How many times do you got to do missionary style before you’re like ‘here take this gun go in the alley and mug me on the way home.'” – Q

Memorable Moments:

High temperatures while recording compounded with difficulty setting up the audio board make for a frustrating time.

The Middletown Art Center is hosting a night of actors recreating 100 year old radio serials including Fibber McGee and Blondie and Dagwood. Walt suggests licensing out TESD for live dinner theater. This leads to a discussion on what makes a newspaper comic strip survive the test of time and why the Art Center thinks this will be a big event. Walt suggests it’s only because of the public domain.

Walt has been drinking more water to try and acclimate himself for the trip to the Grand Canyon. Several ants have voiced concern for the guys safety.

Walt believes the public domain laws are going to be rewritten to keep precious IPs in the hands of big companies. He wants to be able to make a version of Mickey Mouse who was a test subject and is now taking revenge on the society that experimented on him. Will TESD ever be public domain?

There is a petition to deny Jeff Bezos permission to re-enter Earth. People are likening him to Lex Luthor.

A lawyer has contacted Walt about getting rights to Cryptozoic Man back. This leads to a discussion of lawyers and if their love of the law outweighs the love of victims rights. How can a lawyer separate themselves from the crimes their client commits and do they feel guilty if they reoffend after being let off. Bry discusses how the defense lawyer of the guys who carjacked him tried to disparage him by claiming he was in that neighborhood cruising for a gay hookup.

After the discussion in the previous episode about the Kink parades Bryan researches several bizarre fetishes such as one for sexual acts under water which Walt claims must link back to peoples memories in utero. Other fetishes include quicksand, face farting, violent crimes, and using people as furniture.

Walt suggests taking water pills to stay hydrated out west while note being bogged down by water. Further research shows that water pills are in fact to remove excess water so would be the worst thing to take.

Will the Elephant Man always be the bar for ugly? Has Bryan ever been someone’s example of ugly?

Walt reads a series of quotes to get the reactions from Bry and Q. “A woman’s loyalty is tested when a man has nothing. A man’s loyalty is tested when he has everything.”

“Actions prove who someone is, words just prove who they want to be”

“When all your wishes are granted, a lot of your dreams are destroyed.”

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