#513: Johnny’s Choice

*Featured Image by #TESDAnt


Oscar slap, gay dogs, Bry brings his list, Walt quarrels with a gas jockey.


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person


Johnny’s Choice


“On the one hand, fuck, I mean there are so many people I wanna smack across the face.” – Walt

“I have a gay cat.” -Q

“Shitting on the window, shitting on the mirror, shitting on the hood.” – Bry

“What did the 5 fingers say to Chris Rock’s face?” – Bry

“You got a Ukrainian flag pocket square, you’re better than me.” – Bry

“I assume most people in Hollywood swing both ways.” – Q

“Not only do I have two guard dogs, but they’re bisexual.” – Walt

“I can’t leave them alone in the same room or they’ll go into a gay berserk rage.” – Q

“How come the Rob Bruce smack didn’t get as much play as the Will Smith one.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

The Slap seen round the world. Will Smith hits Chris Rock at the Oscars. Why wasn’t Will Smith removed? Celebrities are above the law. What will be the backlash? Why Chris Rock and not Ricky Gervais.

SAG stopped paying Walt three times, once even claiming that he was dead.

New episodes of Impractical Jokers with rotating 4th members start April 2. Eric Andre is first up. Eric had his own hidden camera road trip movie that eerily mirrors the IJ movie only with the travel direction from New York to Florida reversed.

Q pitches a bit called “Boot and Rally” that both the other Jokers and the network wanted to pass on. They trusted Q enough to film and it turned into one of the strongest parts of the season.

Bryan is called by Sage’s school nurse to pick her up because “She has a piece of pizza stuck near her heart.” Bryan can instantly tell she is just trying to get out of class but the Nurse is insistent that he comes to get her while looking at him like he’s a big piece of shit. Afterwards Bry gets Sage to admit the truth that he was right all along by bribing her with Chilis.

A dog in North Carolina was abandoned by it’s owner for being “gay” and was rehomed to a same sex couple. Walt claims Sox is bisexual and Q admits that Chessie cat is gay for Benjamin.

Walt thinks he was scammed at the gas pump by an old guy who didn’t put in his full 15 dollars worth as his fuel gauge didn’t move. The old guy fights with him until Walt asks to see a receipt at which point the old guy tops him off.

Bryan Johnson presents: Johnny’s Choice:

Scenario 1:

A winged menace has been targeting Bry’s car. Does Bry leave it alone, call animal control, change where he parks, buys a car cover, or buy rubber snakes to scare it off?

Scenario 2:

Bry is walking the neighborhood and notices a pretty girl changing in a window. Does he respect her privacy, linger on, record it on phone, or go back the next day to warn her people can see her?

Scenario 3:

Bry offered gift of invisibility for an hour but shaves a year off his life each time he uses it. Does Bry go for it?

Scenario 4:

Brilliant scientist invents two pills: One gives him the physique of Brad Pitt in Fight Club, the other makes him permanently happy as a child with Down Syndrome. Which does he take?

Scenario 5:

Would Bryan rather have nude pictures of himself spread all over the internet, or be able to eat for free at any restaurant for life but must take one Mike Tyson punch to the head. Would Bry take it?

Scenario 6:

An out of control truck is barreling towards a mother and baby while Bry and Q are hanging in NYC. Does Bry push Q into the mom and kid saving them but losing Q, push them out of the way himself as a sacrifice, or just let fate decide.

Scenario 7:

Would Bry hang out with Steven King for a day, but doing so would subject Bryan to having to listen to I Sell Comics in Purgatory for a week, or would he hang out with Harvey Weinstein for a week?

Scenario 8:

Bry and Maribeth have a huge fight after which she writes furiously in her journal and then storms off. Bry finds the journal, does he respect her privacy or peeks?

Walt receives a mysterious scroll sent from Sweden and an all seeing eye necklace.

The coordinates lead to the Denver International Airport

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