#500: It’s The Big One

Description:

TESD welcomes a host of guests to celebrate their 500th episode.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Sal Vulcano

Dave Wyndorf

Tim the Record Store Clerk

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“If Walt doesn’t take a shot I’d say ‘No Big Deal'”- Q

“I’m gonna do an 8-ball” – Walt

“She’ll pour Aldi’s on your grave” – Sal to Bry

“We’re fuckin’ romantics, bro” – Q

“There’s not one quack in the whole god damned song.” – Bry

“Ok, I haven’t understood a single game all night.” -Sal

“Do you remember meeting him on episode 100 with all those cams in his house? He don’t do that no more, cuz his house burnt down.” – Walt to Dave about Git’em

Games Played:

What’s On the Menu: Cranberry Sauce, Creamed Corn or Apple Pie

One True Three:

Story 1 – Walt calls the cops on some fishy postal workers who aren’t in uniform.

Story 2 – Walt joshes around with a postal worker when asked about the contents of the package leading to alot of paper work for them.

Story 3 – Post office door crushes Walt and a worker curses him out for breaking it.

Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists

Q v Dave: Love Songs

Q’s picks – Elvis: Wonder of You, Sam Cook: Wonderful World, and Dolly Parton: Islands in the Stream

Dave’s picks – Etta James: At Last, Unchained Melody, Bing Crosby: True Love

Sal V Bry: Novelty Songs

Bry’s picks – Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer, Disco Duck, Monster Mash

Sal’s picks – Mean One Mr. Grinch, Pac-Man Fever, and Weird Al’s Fat

Two Love Crew or One Middle Aged Jew

Git’em to know Q

What does Git’em do during phone sex?

Another household object he finds erotic?

What was a time he masturbated that wasn’t sexual motivated?

Who is an unlikely sex object.

Family Feud

Which other baby would you go back in time to kill?

What are reasons people hate Tom Brady?

Dyslexia

Memorable Moments:

Sal and Q tease a possible return of What Say You

Q wants to bring a fog machine to Black Friday to make a spooky chamber of horror.

Sal says coming on TESD is like getting to play like kids again.

Maribeth is switching brands of things on Bryan. Walt’s wife did this once but then the detergent she bought gave Walt 3rd degree burns.

Bry and Q versus Sal and Dave to play for two long term listeners.

#499: Castawayed!

Description:

The boys go to the movies, Q has a scare, Walt puts some hair on his chest, what if the mafia wanted your house?

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Fuck dude, I’m more manlier than I thought” – Walt

“Who’s feeble now?”-Bry

“I’m gonna start calling the dude ‘Country Time’ he’s making more lemonade that anybody!” – Bry

“A nice five year siesta sounds good to me.” – Q

“Those celestial didn’t think this through, millions and millions of years putting dongs on robots.” – Q

Games Played:

Memorable Moments:

Walt goes to pick up the TESD General Store sweatshirts from the local printer and noticed the Walt head had no teeth. Apparently someone that is ‘good with computers’ sent the wrong Vector file. Walt puts a spin on the ordeal saying the blackness of the mouth stands for Black Friday.

An ant in customs tries to help Walt with the plates fiasco.

The guys go to see Eternals in the theater. They enjoyed the cosmic-ness of the film. Walt balks at Disney removing the gay kiss in foreign market.

Would you rather have survived the snap or came back 5 years later?

What if Bryan used his carjacking as an opportunity to fake his death and start a whole new life.

Q goes out drinking in NYC and has a medical episode where he loses vision, gets dizzy and faints on the sidewalk until he is roused to consciousness with the alphabet song.

Blood of My Enemies Bourbon sponsor the pod and Walt breaks decades of no alcohol by sipping a capful.

What would you do if a mobster wanted to buy your house? What if Walt was shook down for protection money?

#498: Cometh the Early Bird

Description:


TESD Town studios goes through growing pains, Bry peeps leaves, Bill Murray, Jon Bon Jovi rest stop.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I would prefer the dicks” – Q

“Cuz that’s what’s it gonna bring you to, just a constant state of climax.” – Walt

“There’s fentanyl coming out of every orifice, but some fuckin’ hero was ‘oh my gosh’ the plates!” – Walt

“I can go for some jacuzzi action after a day of leaf peepin” – Bry

“Maribeth grab the checkerboard in case we gotta wait.” – Walt as Bry

“It’s not as cool as lookin’ at a KFC” – Walt

Games Played:

Memorable Moments:

Walt is dealing with supply chain issues.

New sign on the directory reads ” TEST town studios”

TESD Patreon commemorative plates seized at the border by customs agents for fear of lead based paint.

A sticker misprint leads Q to remember the time he made the call to accept misprinted Vulgarthon shirts for a 50% discount.

Bry went peeping for leaves but he didn’t go far enough north to see the good leaves. The hotel double booked his room so he and Maribeth got upgraded to a bigger suite where Maribeth found weed gummies in a drawer. Bry clogs the toilet but doesn’t want to call down to request a plunger, how much extra should he have tipped housekeeping? Walt would have just bought a plunger at a local store. Bry get’s the early bird special at 4:45 since 7 would have been too late.

Q learns the hard way that flushable wipes were falsely advertised when Igor the plumber had to reach into his pipes bare handed to fish out the feces.

Q and Sal have a corner office in a Manhattan office building that overlooks St. Paul’s cathedral.

A truck driver wins state assemblyman in NJ.

Aaron Rogers lies about vaccination status.

Q stands up for holistic medicine when Benjamin Cat is feeling better after doing powders and shit.

Walt reveals plans for Black Friday, Dollah Shave Mondays in December, Golden Baron on New Years Eve. The Christmas episode this year will be Overkill.

Cheesequake rest stop changes it’s name to Jon Bon Jovi. Q reveals a sexual liaison he had at that very rest stop after a View Askew event. Newark airport cell phone lot revealed to be a hookup place for gays. Q stops there to take a call and is worried about being recognized.

Git’em did not like Dune.

#497: The 2021 TESD Halloween Spooktacular

*Featured image by @BSJett

Description:

The white and gold Barons compete against the Devil to rescue Dollah Shave’s soul from hell. Plus the annual ‘most offensive Halloween costume’ list. With exclusive bonus game commentary!

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Tom

Git’em Steve Dave

Sunday Jeff

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“The world needs Dollah Shave more than ever.” – Q

“Gi’tem you need to accept him, you gotta spread your petals and let him come inside.” – Baron

“There’s only the Baron, there is no Walt today.” – Baron

“If I ever see him face to face I’m gonna piss in his face.” – Baron about Walt

“He’s too buff to be a Holocaust victim.” -Bry about Sunday Jeff

“He’s definitely taking steroids from Mexico.”- Baron about Jeff

“Sexy zombie Lucille ball should be THE costume of 2021.” – Baron

“Aren’t we all mentally ill? Well supposedly my alter ego isn’t, but I have my doubts.” – Baron

“Sometimes I think there’s a decimal point in that 148.” – Bryan

Games Played:

Kaiju guess what I look like – Dollah must guess the name of a Kaiju monster based on a physical description from one of the Barons.

Tossing the Salad- Team Dollah must toss a pumpkin back and forth more times in 60 seconds than Team Devil.

Diagnosed Ghost- Team Dollah must name the famous ghost based on the Baron’s description.

On Your Knees- Team Dollah must win a relay race against Team Devil where a pumpkin is held between their legs and each person must pass the pumpkin to their team member without using their hands.

Monster Moniker- Team Dollah must name the Cryptid that is native to the location named.

Bust a Nut- Team Dollah must break open more peanuts back to back than Team Devil.

Spooky Stats- Team Dollah must guess the answer to the Baron’s statistical questions.

Mummy Wrap-up- Team Dollah must break free from their toilet paper binding faster than Team Devil.

Reel or Rubbish- Team Dollah must decide if a B horror movie title belongs to a real film or made up by the Baron.

Plunging it Deep- Team Dollah must cross the room with a toilet paper roll on the end of a plunger held in between their legs and stick it to the wall faster than Team Devil.

Fear my Name- Team Dollah must guess what someone is afraid of based on the name of the phobia.

Weiner Weiner- Team Dollah must guide 3 hotdogs from the hotdog belt into 3 toilet paper rolls quicker than Team Devil

Memorable Moments:

Good Housekeeping’s 15 most offensive Halloween Costume list.

Git’em wanted to dress as the QAnon Shaman but Walt talked him out of it.

Audio commentary of the Video version released on Patreon with break aways to discuss it Makin’ Hay style.

Dollah Shave, who has been cancelled since 2015, must compete to break free of Cancelled Character Hell with the help of the White and Gold Barons. Standing in their way are the devil’s Tom and Git’em.

The Rainbow Baron shirt has not been selling so for every game Team Dollah win’s the Baron will knock off 2$ from the price.

#496: Devil’s Beef

*Featured Image from @TESDTown

Description:

UFO cults, Alec Baldwin, Leaf peeping, Walt celebrates.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Reoccuring Segments

Quotes:

“Bullshit, open that fuckin’ gate. I’m comin’ in!” – Bry

“You got a piece of crap I can eat?” – Walt

“What’s goin gon. My son’s gay and I can’t say America Way anymore?” – Q as Superman

“What orderly has the job to wipe Michael Myer’s asshole?” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Q is suffering from hiccups and is looking for a cure. Walt used to love when his girls would get hiccups because then he could scare them.

When in a relationship do you let your guard down with bodily functions. Walt never found farts funny. Walt once saw a guy at the rec shoot a fireball out his ass. A firefighter at Q’s old station was horny for farts.

Q feels represented seeing an older catwoman trying to get back in the game after being gone for a while. Superman has changed his slogan to “Truth, Justice and a Better Tomorrow.” instead of “American Way”.

Walt takes down the casinos in AC with his bizarre Blackjack tactics.

Bry plans on taking Maribeth and Sage to New England for some leaf peepin’.

Sage bursts in Brys room with a cross saying there’s a demon knocking at her door.

Alec Baldwin accidentally shoots someone with a prop gun that wasn’t properly cleared.

People get tattoos with Charles Manson’s ashes.

Male bee’s testicles explode after sex.

Europe has a new STD that rots genitals.

#495:…Ehhhh

*Featured Image from @TESDTown

Description:

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Reoccuring Segments

Quotes:

“Does he get married or does he die, it’s one of the two.” – Q

“Some might say it’s one in the same.” – Walt

“The cowboy in the village people isn’t as homoerotic as the original Lone Ranger was.” – Walt

“Oh my achin’ yam bags.” – Bryan

“Remember when concerts used to be fun?” – Q

“Don’t you want to see what side of the room is louder?” – Bry

“They propbably say it on Reddit ‘ I wish he would just O.D.'” – Bryan

“Diana Prince lives on an island full of women, you gotta do what you gotta do, bud. It’s like prison rules.” -Q

“Is that a comic book or a Men’s magazine.” – Bryan

Memorable Moments:

Bryan makes good on his paper anniversary gifts with tickets to go see Maribeth’s favorite band “Blue”. Bryan was addressed by the lead singer for his beard then tells stories about having his kids taken from him do to his drug use.

Q celebrates his parent’s 50th anniversary by renting out the creator of the Lone Ranger’s boat. The cast of the Sopranos also used to rent this boat for parties so the décor was a mix of cowboys and gangsters. Walt recalls a time in the 80s where the actor who played the Lone Ranger in the original show used to go around to hospitals dressed in character but was given a cease and desist by the owners of the copyright. He wasn’t allowed to call himself the Lone Ranger or wear a mask so would wear black sunglasses.

Superman’s son comes out as bisexual. Q liked the character before they aged him up and was hoping they undo it but now says that’s unlikely. DC has many bi characters. Variant Robin covers feature beefcake pictures of the hero.

Walt says the Bond movie was better than he thought it’d be.

Tom Cruise looking puffy.

Walt wants Blue Chew to give free samples he can give out at the Studio.

Rolling Stones retire Brown Sugar. Could Q tour as long as the Stones have?

Bryan asks why Walt allows Git’em to tweet about the NY Rangers.

A Halloween display at the site of a real triple murder in bad taste.

Discussion of the Halloween parade and how long you are allowed to look at women in sexy costumes before it’s creepy.

COVID has a new side effect, Restless Anal Syndrome.

A man has ejaculated out of his anus.

#494: Dungaree Butthole

*Featured Image from Podcast Awards

Description:

TESD wins some awards, no biggie. Urban Meyer, Many Saints of Newark, Venom, James Bond.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Reoccuring Segments

Quotes:

“The people spoke and they said ‘yo, Tell’em Steve Dave'”- Bryan

“One thing led to another and he, fingered a butthole I guess.” – Q

“I like to call it a freedom cleat.” – Q

“That’s the podcast equivalent of the triple crown.” – Walt

“You’ve injected electricity into a candle?”- Q

“The fire Marshall said get yourself some candle warmers cuz you guys are in a death trap.” – Walt

“Do you know how rare it is to go straight for the butthole?”- Q

“Don’t let Git’em hear, he’s the office coach. He’ll try it next.” -Bryan

“I love this episode of I Buy Comics.” – Bryan

Memorable Moments:

Recorded at the new TESD headquarters. Q finds it very impressive, a totally different vibe with plenty of space. Git’em struggles to make a French Cleat. Walt is nervous to let him take a sledgehammer to make a glass window for the recording studio.

TESD wins 3 podcast awards: Listener Influencer of the Year, Adam Curry People’s Choice Award, and Best Comedy Podcast. Tommy Lincoln and Nina Rad spearheaded the campaign to get them nominated. On different occasions the host says the name of the podcast wrong and gets Q’s name incorrect. Walt hopes they have it misspelled on the trophy.

Grand Opening of the new location will be on Midnight at Black Friday with new and exclusive merch.

Q is astonished at a wax candle warmer. The new location has no smoke alarms or sprinklers.

Git’em is named the office manager but he would rather be called the office coach. What would happen if he makes everyone go to sensitivity training. Q remembers watching the diversity training at the firehouse and how everyone would laugh at it.

People trying to cancel Dave Chapelle since he can’t stop talking about trans issues.

Video has come out of Jaguars coach Urban Meyer and went viral of him dirty dancing with a random woman while his wife reacts on social media. Is he trying to finger a butt through jeans?

The Sopranos movie came out and Bryan is disappointed. Q and Walt see the new Venom movie, surprised they doubled down on the Odd Couple gay relationship vibes. Bryan enjoyed Squid Game. Does Bond die in No Time to Die? Walt hasn’t seen any Halloween movie except Season of the Witch.

Was the Zodiac Killer found?

#493: Potato Thighs

*Featured Image from @AntKoolaid

Description:

Walt and Bry panic. TESD begins a new era.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Reoccuring Segments

Quotes:

“I can get spit on by some stranger right now and I’ll be like ‘It’s raining'”- Walt

“Walt’s concerned he’s gonna eat too many potatoes.” – Bry

“The Asbury Park Press is like ‘local celebrity loses his shit'” – Q

“I’m here with the notorious fat-phobe, Brian Quinn” – Bry

“How about Alice Cooper, he’s spooky, you’ll love him.” – Walt

“They’re slicing peoples throats for answers and I’m in the fetal position.” – Walt in a Taken situation

“Don’t forget your checkbook, hurhurhurhur” – Walt mimicking the bureaucracy in getting the new place.

“We’re gonna take the world by storm, at 55.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Bryan sees on Twitter that people were coming after Q on Tumblr for saying he wouldn’t date fat chicks, even though he has never said that and the confusion stemmed from a joke Bry made about the fake One True Three story of Q banging a skeleton balloon.

Bryan had a panic attack prior to recording leading Q to wonder if he’s just trying to one-up his doldrums from the previous week. Walt unleashes a tale so harrowing to put them both in their place.

It is revealed that when Bry and Q called Walt in the previous Space Monkey’s episode they had actually woken him up after he finally got to sleep after being up all night worrying about Alicia who was missing. She had attended a concert Walt had advised her not to go to in New York City after telling her parents she was staying with friends at College. When she never came home and did not answer her phone Walt calls her friends who tell him that she isn’t there. Walt and Deb find Alicia’s car at the train station and wait until the last train of the night but still she doesn’t show. Walt calls the police who track her phone’s last known location and tell him its in the water at Jones Beach. The local cops have no bedside manner but when Walt calls Troy, he knows all the right things to say. It turns out Alicia just crashed at a friends house and asked them to text Walt and Debi to let them know, but the friend had one digit wrong on the number so they never received it.

Bry sleeps in one day and is awakened by Maribeth who says Sage is no where in the house. She decided to walk to school by herself.

One time Alicia was late leaving work and wasn’t answering texts, Walt asked Debi if she thought he should crash the car through the front of the store.

The TESDTown General Store is closing up its business at the Stash and moving to it’s own location. TESD Studios in Hazlet with enough room for a production studio and recording studio and storefront. Walt is worried working in the same plaza as a KFC will give him potato thighs. Walt proposes to hire Git’em as the handyman and tour guide for Studio Tours. Git’em can even stay late and not have to hang out in parking lots.

A good Samaritan at KFC gives Walt and Git’em $20 for groceries after assuming they were homeless.

#492: Space Monkeys – Four’s Company

*Featured Image from TESDTown

Description:

Cookie etiquette, aging rockers, squirrels.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Frank 5

Mentioned Person:

Reoccuring Segments

Space Monkeys

Quotes:

“You think he’s warm wifing?” – Q

“You know those claw machines don’t count as games.” – Bry

“We’re all pawns in Walt Flanagan’s game”- Q

Memorable Moments:

Walt is in Atlantic City so the Space Monkeys convene. Q and Bry call Walt to find out why he went to AC and discover he and Debi have gone to see an Alice Cooper concert with Frank 5 and Mrs. 5. Walt claims they were the youngest people there and all the old folks were raising their walkers in the air to rock out. Walt says he caught the gambling bug playing Black Jack. Bry suggests Frank 5 get an apartment in Jersey for as much as he is down here for Patreon. Frank says he could move in with Git’em.

Q reveals he has been in a depressive state as of lately the likes he has not seen in years.

Bry sees Megadeath and nearly falls down some steps where a security guard has to catch him. Bry wonders how this affects how Maribeth see’s him, if he is like a used car whose stock is constantly depreciating.

Q hooked on Letterkenny on Hulu. Bry watches Lularich on Amazon about a leggings pyramid scheme.

Q feeds a squirrel who he has named Stumpy for over a year, enjoying the bonding time they’ve had together. One day Q see’s Stumpy getting humped and discovers she was a girl all this time. Stumpy became pregnant and has disappeared for months. Q misses the carefree days of Stumpy’s youth. The baby squirrels appear but without Stumpy and Q vows to take care of them in Stumpy’s memory. One day she returns and Q is elated.

#491: We don’t watch birds, birds watch us.

*Featured Image from TESD Patreon

Description:

Labor Day weekend, has TESD gone PC, conspiracy theories.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“he may have found the fountain of youth, what is that? vonce de la playon” – Walt

“I don’t like to align myself with China. You know me, I bleed red, white, and blue.” – Q

“China is the biggest movie market in the world. Maybe, just maybe their evil communist regime will guide our ships back to the hunky seas.” – Q

“Celebrities need saving over there!” – Walt

“He’s so good looking he makes me want to get in the chair and fall out.” – Bry

“If I was Casper I’d be watching out for my dick right now.” – Walt

“You got to have a closed casket because you have your dick in your mouth.” – Q

Memorable Moments:

There is a complaint on Twitter that TESD has gone too PC for not ripping on Biden. Years ago they received the same complaints for not ripping on Trump. TESD is not a political show. Walt says politics have overtaken religion for most taboo topics to talk about.

China bans effeminate men in the media. Nashel says Comic Book Men could never be shown over there. Walt wonders if a regulatory board oversees the decision of what is effeminate.

Q sees a movie preview for a Swedish film called “Last Man Down” and claims it is a throwback to 90s-early 2000s era ass kicker flicks.

China also prohibits teenagers from playing more than 3 hours of video games a week, and only on weekends. They limit celebrity pay and do not allow children of celebrities to appear on reality show.

Q says AEW is the best thing on TV. Someone the guys know is working on a pilot for micro wrestling. People aren’t supposed to use the term “midget” on set but the little person performers won’t stop saying it. TESD remembers Hulk Hogan’s little person wrestling program on TruTV.

Bry attends a Labor Day party at Q’s place. Q can’t defeat Joe DeRosa at beer pong. Maribeth finds a way to fall out of a chair that is supposed to be impossible to fall out of. Bry sees she is ok and laughs it off until a hunky bystander helps her up.

In this Overkill episode Walt discusses numerous Conspiracy Theories.

Is Mattress Firm a front for the Russian Mafia? Q is more scared of the Russian mob than the Italian one because the Russians mess with your dick.

Why did the Iranian government buy so many military grade Russian dolphins?

Did Disney release the movie Frozen so that Google searches would stop returning hits of Walt Disney’s frozen corpse?

Are all birds seen today merely government drones?