#458. Sarcata Nagrata

*Featured Image by

Pod Description:

Walt celebrates a sexy birthday, Git ‘Em lives with Camel spiders, Joe Gatto calls in to talk pooches.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Joe Gatto

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“You don’t even want to see how limp my dick is.” – Bry

“My friend has fallen on hard times. He’s sleeping with silverfish and crickets up his ass.” – Q

“As out of left field as me being on methadone and Debbie getting me clean!” – Walt

“It wasn’t when you had sex with me despite barely knowing me at a One Star Motel at your expense.” – Except from Bry’s wedding vows.

“I am a fan of rapid escalation to the point it makes people uncomfortable.” – Bry

“Bring the Golden Corral home to you.” – Q to Walt

“They’ll have so much chocolate on their face it’ll look like they’re about to be cancelled.” – Bry

“In what world is BQ not a threat to every woman on the planet?” – Walt

“Those days are over. We need Blue Chew in this relationship.” – Walt about Git’em

“I can’t stand you, see you Wednesday.” – Walt to Git’em

“I went decades without seeing those fuckin’ crickets. They must have had an orgy or something.” – Q

“Yeah shitting in a pail in the middle of a field, that’s your A-List material.” – Walt to Git’em

“By Sugar Baby I mean I have horrible Diabetes.” – Bry as Git’em

“I knew those Hollywood types were fucking freaks.” – Walt as Landlord

“That poor cat has been flogged and put on the stroll for 8 years now.” -Q

Memorable Moments:

Bry is confident his best days are ahead of him since he’s had so many bad ones behind.

Walt is ready for retirement after Covid gave him a little taste of of the lifestyle.

Debbie Flanagan was disappointed that Walt wouldn’t get the chance to give a speech at Bryan’s wedding and be able to get back at him for joking that Walt was a recovering meth addict at his wedding.

Walt celebrates the best birthday weekend of his life: Some quality time with his wife while the kids were out of the house, his Friendly’s steak was the best piece of meat he ever had in his life, and he got to watch Tom Brady beat Aaron Rodgers instead of going to a family obligation.

Q gifts Walt a chocolate fountain so that he would never have to relive his tortuous trip to Golden Corral again.

Bryan tries to let Walt down gently that The Great Pumpkin will not be on broadcast TV for the first time since original airing. Walt thinks there are more important things to trouble yourself with than the loss of a TV special.

Q has been reading the Cormoran Strike series of detective stories written under a pseudonym by J.K. Rowling. Walt asks why he’s not concerned that she is “Sarcata Nagrata”.

Bry visits Reddit and see’s that he failed to introduce Steve Byrne the previous episode and not many people were fans of the phone call.

Bryan tries to catch Walt in a lie about not wearing a gold chain to his wedding with photographic evidence, Walt insists it is a photoshop.

Q acts as a mentor to his friend who comes to him with an issue of finding Viagra in her husband’s belongings and wanting advice. Q wonders if it is a similar relationship that Walt has to Git’em. Git’em is called over to discuss.

It’s revealed that Git’em is now living with his friend and long-time standing dinner date yet his basement apartment is infested with bugs and he has to drive to a portapotty whenever he needs to defecate. The guys question why he doesn’t look into apartments for rent with the money from the charity pod. Git’em would rather save money for something more permanent. Q takes the opportunity to offer to pay Git’em’s rent as his Sugar Daddy. Walt thinks Git’em just likes having these crazy stories to talk about and be the ‘Kooky’ guy.

Sunday Jeff tells Walt he saw Git’em’s friend chastise him like a mother to a 5 year old child one day she dropped him off.

Q asks all Ants to leave reviews for R&H beer on Untappd to help his brand.

Q sends Scotty Gomez some R&H beer while Scotty sends Q funny videos. Walt is slightly disappointed that Scotty Gomez is a regular ‘dude-bro’. Walt questions why guys can playfully call each other dick-head and douchebag after hearing how Scotty and Q address each other.

Joe Gatto calls in to talk about his new book “The Dogfather”. Joe’s dog total is up to 8 including all the ailing animals he’s rescued. Joe’s dog Cannoli had it’s own pet agent. Walt one time thought Cooper could be a show dog but didn’t want to be one of those parents to child stars.

After Bryan’s grandmother died when he was very young his aunt took in his grandmother’s dog, Chloe. Chloe drowned shortly thereafter leading Pam to say to Bryan it must have been a case of suicide because she missed Bry’s grandmother so much.

#457: The Meundies 2020 TESD Halloween Spooktacular

Featured Image by @4CDuca3650

Pod Description:

Prepare for an episode choc-a-bloc full of sassy spirits, cheeky poltergeists and a very special visit from a horror icon.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Baron Von Flanagan

The White Baron

Svengoolie

Git’emvira: Mistress of the Dark

Tomzoolie

Tim the Record Store Clerk

Sunday Jeff

Ming Chen

Mike Zapcic

Troy

Father Lance

SargeL18 and Teleahqua

Chris Laudando

Maxwell

Kevin Smith

Declan Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“You know what that means Q, TESD is done with the charity game! Now it’s all about Barons and elevating and becoming Demigods!”- Baron Von Flanagan

“You’re less than half a man if you lose tonight.” – Baron Von Flanagan to White Baron

“With a quick photoshop and a different word, Q is out of a job!” – Bryan

“He lost a hell of a lot more than being a Baron that night.” – Baron von Flanagan if Q loses his livelihood.

“He looks like Slash’s corpse.” – Bryan about Tomzoolie

“The podcast cutie that makes all the boys stand up and salutey.” – Git’emvira

“He’s not even on camera and he’s walking with a swish around the store!” – White Baron about Git’emvira

“There are no tricks.” – Walt

“Except the ones that Git’em are turning out on Broad Street.” – Bryan

“He looks like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns.” – White Baron about Tomzoolie

“Mistress of the not-dark-enough.” – Bryan about Git’emvira

“2020 has been shit for everybody, except Bryan Johnson.” – Baron von Flanagan.

“Donut on a stick? That shouldn’t be erotic, right?” – Baron von Flanagan.

Games Played

Baron Trivia Contest

Physical Challenges

Dyslexia

Memorable Moments:

Walt announces that this will be the first of three Halloween podcasts released this October. This audio version is available for free with the video available to all tiers on the TESD patreon. The All New Sunday Jeff Show and Father von Flanagan Halloween episodes to come in the following weeks.

Svengoolie introduces the 2020 TESD Halloween Spectacular.

Baron von Flanagan tells us that by the end of the show either Bryan, Sunday Jeff or Q the White Baron will be elevated to a brand new member of the Colored Cadre of Fiends. If Q comes in third place he will be stripped of his White Baron title and that given to whoever comes in second place.

Walt announces his displeasure that not one newspaper or news station covered the fact that TESD donated “10 Grand!” to a local NJ orphanage last Christmas. Q says the same thing happened after the Tenderloins donated the entire ticket sales to Manchester Strong after the bombing.

Q gets too hot under the rubber mask of the White Baron so to compromise he offers to write “White Baron” on his Covid facemask. Walt and Bry tell him that might be misconstrued and come back to bite him on the ass.

Baron von Flanagan announces his co-hosts: Tomzoolie and Git’emvira.

The Contest to determine the newest Baron is unveiled. Tomzoolie has created a Jeopardy-like board of question categories that the contestants can choose from 5 different difficulty levels. In addition all 4 and 5 point questions come along with a physical challenge to be performed by Git’emvira to win extra points.

The question categories are as follows: A Southern Gentleman’s Askew View where Brian Maxwell gives a skewed synopsis of famous horror movies from the perspective of the villain. TESD Town Hall where a different member of TESD town gives horror movie trivia. Cliff’s Quotes where Ming Chen gives a unique take on a famous horror movie quote. What’s in a Title where a horror movie poster is revealed with the title removed.

The physical challenges are as follows: Skeleton Limbo, Make Q Laugh, Apple Cider Chug, Belt of Hot Dogs, Candy Bar Challenge, Ghost Bowling, Balloon Popping, Guess how many Candy Corn, Horror Movie Charade, and Donut on a Stick.

Q begins to question if Tom is slowly replacing Git’em in Walt’s affections.

A young Bryan Johnson was obsessed with a man’s dick in the old horror movie “Ghost Story”

The final challenge is to uncover the Dyslexia clues to complete the poem to summon the newest member of the Colored Cadre of Fiends.

“Glittery Knight, oh so fierce and mighty, like some 24 karat Charles Nelson Reilly. Baptized in countless showers of demonic pee, more flamboyant and fabulous than Liberace!” -Poem to summon the Golden Baron

The Gold Baron can only read facts about fabulous celebrities like Judy Garland.

#456: Musical E

*Featured Image by Eric Mason

Pod Description:

Thanks to Q, Walt relives a familiar nightmare. How to crack a safe. Jsarge brings good vibes and comedian Steve Byrne joins the pod.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Steve Byrne

Mentioned Person:

J-Sarge

Quotes:

“How would the Devils’ know I’m an asshole?”-Walt

“I’m a fruity guy.” – Bry

“Really, you’re gonna stick a finger up a kids’ ass? What kinda guy are you?” – Bry

“Are you secretly judging me cuz I’m not wearing a mask?” – Bry

“America’s Superman.” – Bry, sarcasticly

“I might be biased. I’m probably biased. I’m definitely biased.” – Walt

“You’re propping yourself up with that word when all you’re really doing is driving by something saying ‘There it is'”. -Walt about Bry the educator

“It’s a dark fuckin’ week for education.” – Walt

“Pam and Edgar were real High Falutin’ with the spelling of names.” – Walt

“Didn’t you leave fuckin’ a thousand dollars under your couch? So why do you doubt highly someone would put money in a place it should go, a fireproof fuckin’ safe!” – Walt

“What’s that shit people do at raves? That’s what I feel like doin.” – Walt

“I am Retardicus, listen to my good vibes.” – Bry

“With that spaceship there I shoulda known it was a planet, not a cookie.” – Walt

“IF’s the key word Bob, what’s his fuckin name?” – Walt

“To not include a stand-up such as Sal Vulcano does that make a statement on your opinion of his stand-up skill?” – Q

“Oh please don’t tell me. It’s not Marshall Manlove!” -Walt

“Two seconds more he’d have Q’s finger up his ass.” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

Q drives to Florida for some family things but when he tries to fly back he misses a flight and observes distinct lack of mask adherence.

Q records an interview with former NJ Devil Scotty Gomez for NHL.com, making this episode a sequel to #317 This Is Why! Q and him hit it off and have been texting ever since. He is even sending Q some Alaskan Salmon he caught.

Bryan, Maribeth and Sage fly to Vegas for a short trip. Bryan wants to include some educational experiences for Sage so plans to visit the Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam. Both of these fall through and their last ditch effort at an Aquarium is cut short after the power goes off halfway through the tour.

Bryan is set to visit Erik in a few weeks. He claims his brother is feeling much better since we last heard from him. He has been posting views from his beachside palace to his Instagram feed.

Walt reads an article about a couple who buy a house and find a 700 pound safe that they can’t open or remove and offer whatever that is inside to anyone who can. Walt asks Git’em for what his approach would be. Git’em is worried about the release of poisonous gas if he tries to drill in, Q thinks he would just use a torch to cut away the outer safe to reach the inner. Walt would just lift it up with a rope and pulley and drop it out the window Looney Tunes style. Git’em says he has had safe-cracking and lockpicking experience.

Maribeth’s family similarly has an old safe that no one could open stored away in a barn and offer what’s inside to Bry. Walt, Bry and Q think it would make for fascinating Patreon material to do a live opening like Geraldo Rivera did with Al Capone’s vault.

J-Sarge releases his latest album, Thoughts Ungone, on bandcamp. Q promises to play it on his R&H Radio Program.

Comedian Steve Byrne calls in to talk to the guys about stand-up comedy, the NJ Devils, the Action Park documentary, and his new film “The Opening Act”.

Steve tells a story about how he worked a USO show in Afghanistan and as they were leaving believed the troops were shooting off fireworks to show how much they appreciated them. In reality it was RPG flares trying to shoot down their plane.

A New Jersey hypnotist is arrested for subjecting his patients to illegal prostate exams.

#455: Potpourri of TESD

*Featured Image by

Pod Description:

Q is elected minister of defense. Bry wants a muscle car. What music would you play for aliens?

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Maribeth Johnson

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I thought he was going to play something classical. He kept saying ‘atoll’.” – Bry

“We can’t trust them Canadians” – Bry

“Walt, send me a dick pic.” – Bry

“But you can safely assume they ain’t got fuckin’ Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, asshole!” – Walt

“I don’t want my family around when I’m alive, certainly not when I’m dying.” – Bry

“I don’t care if Messier fuckin’ gets testiclear cancer, I got a couple voodoo dolls of him.” – Walt

“Poor Fatone, Poor Fatone” – Bry and Q

“Why don’t you think of the environment for once instead of yourself!” – Walt

“If you don’t have children you can do whatever you want for the rest of your life and you will still be saving the environment more than someone with one kid.” – Q

“Number one thing to to do to save the environment is not have kids” – Q

“Who the fuck is Rich the Kid? What about Bry the Adult? I can rap!” – Bry

“I guess I’m the joke.” -Q

“Who’m I versus?” -Q

“It’s the McHale’s Navy of Aliens.” – Q

“Get da fuck outtaheah!” – Bry as Q

“Why’s he keep saying ‘atoll’? No one knows what he’s talking about?” – Walt

“They call it the Garbage Atoll” – Q

“I feel like she listened to Bob Barker and neutered me.” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

The news of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death hit right before the recording of the episode. Walt believes it is too close to the election for another Supreme Court Justice to be appointed, Q thinks we are about to see some hypocrisy.

Bry says he wouldn’t want to be surrounded by friends and family on his deathbed. He’d rather crawl off and die under a log like an animal. Would you rather die peacefully in your sleep or get 5 more years of pain?

The world of politics have become like a spectator sport where people root for their party like they do for their teams. Walt remembers how the Devils got him more heated than anything else in the world and believes if you don’t feel the pain of defeat your aren’t a real fan.

A former girlfriend of Q’s had the unpopular opinion that the lead singer did not make the whole band.

Q wants to ask the car guys among the listeners if he would be laughed out of a body shop if he went to get the 89′ Crown Victoria restored to it’s full glory.

Bry is thinking of getting a 1970 Buick Skylark after his jeep’s lease runs out.

Instagram releases Reels, a TikTok clone which is full of nothing but hot girls dancing and gaining millions of followers.

The topic of dick pics arise. Walt would never send one, Q has only sent one, Bry had earlier this week.

A UFO sighting sets the Garden State abuzz, ends up being the Goodyear Blimp.

Japan releases protocols for pilots to follow when they see a UFO.

Walt and Bry question Q if he was Defense Secretary how would he deal with First Contact with an alien species. Q says he’d keep his fingers on the trigger but let them make the first move. Bry and Walt push him to go in guns blazing like a real American. Q would meet on a neutral territory, some atoll. Q would introduce the Aliens to Led Zeppelin to try to communicate, Walt wants Q to explain WAP to them.

Vox claims Beethoven music is racist.

Bry tries to renege on the long standing bet made with Q about VHS tapes not being around after 10 years first heard on #091: Cindy’s Fuck Truck. Patreon released a VHS copy of a Frank Five’s Rewind.

Bry asks Walt what he would do if Maribeth came to him thinking Bry was cheating and asked him to use his Super Smeller to catch a whiff of another woman on him.

#454: Eyes Up!

*Featured Image by themedievalsnowman

Pod Description:

Greeting cards aren’t for everyone. Is your vision worth a toke of weed? Wedding talk.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Maribeth Johnson

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I’ve never seen Sal’s balls, I’m sorry to say.” -Q

“Do you think that like anybody that knows the pope personally talks shit about him?” – Bry

“Fanboy’s stand-in got blottoed.” -Walt

“I hate the cold more than I love those restaurants.” – Bry

“You can’t give him that much chocolate! He can go into toxic shock syndrome!” – Walt quoting Sunday Jeff

“That’s the fact Jack!” – Walt claiming greeting cards are a woman’s game

“We grew up seeing each others balls!” – Walt

“I would turn that around on you so fast!” – Walt if he caught a dick looker.

“I live in the bottom of a volcano, it’s where all these fine fabrics come from!” – Walt as Mack Weldon.

“Remember when I said I haven’t done drugs? That would be the day we go to fuckin’ North Jersey and we’re getting the first drug dealer we see and are pumping me up with whatever drugs he has and get me an ice cream scoop cuz I’m gouging my eyes out!” – Walt if one of his daughters married a guy twice her age.

“I love you, well more than a brother I guess.” – Bry’s speech to Q at his wedding (in front of Darin and Erik)

“We’re raising spiders, you can buy the eggs if you want Mr. Q!” – Walt as the mansion manager.

Memorable Moments:

Bry pimps his satellite radio show with Eric Nagle “Would you Kindly“.

The SD card which contained the previously recorded TESD was corrupted so all wedding talk had to be recreated for this episode. Bry had previously been using multiple cards per recording with no issue and became complacent. Walt likens it to insurance, you don’t need it til’ you need it!

The Mooby’s pop up brings scores of customers to the Secret Stash as Walt says the business is the best it’s been since before the quarantine. Unfortunately they are selling a Secret Stash beer and not R&H so Q is not amused.

Walt wants to support the dining industry by eating outside even in the dead of winter.

Joe Gatto is promoting his new book but foregoes an invitation to TESD to go on some bigtime show. Walt asks why Murray never came on to promote any of his books.

A South Carolina woman gouges her own eyes out after taking meth. Bry claims this alone would be enough to scare him away from that particular drug. Walt believes this action is par for the course for any drug.

Bry is getting pressured to send out Thank You cards to guests from his wedding, Walt says that must be because of Maribeth as dudes don’t typically care about that sort of thing. Are greeting cards a woman’s market?

Bry jokingly suggests that guys with really big beards should be exempt from wearing masks.

Maribeth and Bryan recap the wedding weekend. Bryan asked the photographer to capture pictures of the Bridal Party in various states of undress. Are women more comfortable getting changed in front of others than men? Walt and Bry reminisce on showering at school in front of the entire class as discussed in #068: Shower Power.

Q performed the ceremony and claims he worked harder writing the sermon than anything he’s professionally wrote in his entire career. He mentions up to the minute rewrites to include mentions of Erik’s drunken rant as heard in #452: Die on Every Hill.

During an ad for Mack Weldon Walt claims the different tiers remind him of Scientology.

Bryan and Maribeth though Walt looked like Scarface at the wedding with his dress shirt unbuttoned and the chain he was wearing.

The music at the wedding was a mix of traditional and nontraditional as the orchestra played the Sanford and Son as well as the Psycho theme. Bry and Maribeth’s first dance included the entire disco routine from Boogie Nights.

Walt envies Bryan’s relationship with Sage since she will be more child-like longer. Walt does not like interacting with his daughter’s boyfriends and mostly ignores them.

The wedding DJ was quite the character as during the mother-son dance she went off script claiming Bry and Pam were more than Mother/Son but best friends as well. She also claimed trying to make it in Hollywood but “grew sick of the Casting Couch”.

Ming buys an autographed picture of a Baltimore Oriole from the bathroom at the wedding venue. Apparently everything was for sale in the entire place.

A Lancaster man gets shot after chasing a cop with a knife. Are people protesting just for the sake of protesting?

The pope claims gossip is a worse plague than Covid.

After the episode proper Walt and Git’em fill out a questionnaire to get Git’em set up with a subscription to the pod’s new sponsor Take Care Of vitamins. Some insights about Gitem’s health and eating habits are revealed.

#453: One Boob Out

*Featured Image by Maribeth Johnson

Pod Description:

Night one of the IJ cruise finds a heavily medicated Bry talking about his distaste for crossing guards, inventive snaps and werewolf schools.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Joe Imburgio

Adam Green

Shay

A school crossing guard

An 18 year old girl

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“The Wiccans have this figured out, the fucking air line industry hasn’t!” – Bry

“They wouldn’t let Sage on the boat. No Corona Virus, no Down Syndrome.” – Bry

“Just trying to collect bubble info” – Bry as Pam

“Rainbow, car, rainbow, plane, rainbow, boat, smiley emoji, kissyface emoji.” – A powerful magic spell

“Is that why you’re all hopped up on Goof Pills?” – Q

“I tried to put together a super team of comics, but I’ll have to settle for you.” – Bry after being stood up by Jim Breuer.

“Are school shootings less common at Werewolf schools because silver bullets are too expensive?” – Bry

Reoccurring Segment:

Space Monkeys

Memorable Moments:

Due to a corrupted SD card a newly recorded episode of TESD was lost and so this previously recorded episode of Space Monkeys from the February 2020 Impractical Jokers Cruise was released.

Q states he believes he might be too drunk for this Space Monkeys while Bry admits he might have taken too much Purple Drank as he has a cold.

Bryan regales the audience with the elaborate method Pam uses to cast a protective “white magic” bubble onto him during his travels. Q ponders if anyone loved Kobe enough to put a spell on him if he’d still be alive today.

Director Adam Green boasts about directing Frozen to impress younger ladies.

Joe Imburgio explains how being credited as a “comedy producer” is really just a scam to avoid the writers unions.

Bry workshops some Yo Momma “snaps” at Q’s place in the Catskills. Q offers to test it out in front of a sold out IJ crowd but the joke bombs. Bry wonders if it was a purposeful hit job by his friend or Q just wasn’t eloquent enough to speak it properly. He claims that people from Staten Island and people with Down Syndrome have the same vocal patterns. Shay gives Bryan’s snap a shot and has the proper intonation to make it hit.

“Yo Momma’s so dumb she forgot the lyrics to the Liberty Insurance jingle.”

Sage is a cheerleader in school this year. Bryan wants to get in the school spirit by coming dressed as a big game hunter when her team plays against animal named teams, complete with shotgun. He asks if that would be too far.

Bry gets annoyed at crossing guards who overstep their bounds. A crossing guard in the crowd is called upon to defend themselves. Bry recalls one positive experience with a crossing guard when as a child a guard named Henry protects Bryan from a gang of toughs.

Bryan provides hypothetical situations to a drunk 18 year old with a crush on Q on how far her love of him would go should she catch him in an illegal act. She seems fine with both insurance fraud and straight up murder.

#452: Die on Every Hill

*Featured image by Eric Mason

Description:

Bry and his boys retire to a cave to record the bachelor party of the Pandemic. Trigger warning: spotty sound in the beginning.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Erik Johnson

Darin Johnson

Frank 5

Troy

Quotes:

“The only think I wanted to be was normal.” – Erik

“I fuckin hate you more every time I look at you.” – Erik

“Oh fuck, she’s fuckin’ somebody” – Erik

“I think Erik’s been on the West Coast too long. He just met Frank 5 and within two seconds of meeting him is like ‘I can examine your prostate'” – Walt

“You know how many actual hot girls there are in the world? It’s not that many you wanna go poking around in vaginas.” – Q on Gynocologists.

“It’s worth sticking that finger where it’s gotta go.” – Walt

“I met Maribeth’s father, does he know how old you are?” – Walt

“You know what’s really funny is you throw a wedding in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and you’re like ‘what an asshole for not coming.'” – Q

“Edgar made every hill his own.” – Bry

“It doesn’t matter how comfortable you make her, just let her know you could always leave her, you gotta keep her in fear.” – Erik’s marriage advice

“There’s a vagrant with a brown finger in my neighborhood!” – Bry as Walt about Erik.

“He’s right, we turned off the lights and played ‘Who’s in my mouth'” -Troy about his bachelor party.

“You really think you can be happy?” – Erik about Bry

Memorable Moments:

This episode was recorded at Bryan Johnson’s bachelor party at the Gramercy Mansion in Maryland.

The TESD crew discuss previous bachelor parties. Walt’s was held at a NJ Devil’s game whereas Erik took everyone to a Drag Bar called Aunt Charlie’s.

Erik reveals that in medical school future doctors train using paid prostate models who get hundreds of fingers up their ass all day long.

Walt insists that after the wedding Bryan will become the favored Johnson son.

Bry feels getting married makes him feel much more like an adult.

Gitem turned down going to the wedding so he could man the Stash.

Erik flexes his prosperity by sending picture of his new Malibu beach house to Bry.

Comic Book Men producer Brian Nashel was told by his wife he could not travel during Covid to go to the wedding.

A drunk and bitter Erik Johnson does not agree with the Happy Wife, Happy Life advice given by the other married people at the party. It is revealed he and his wife are separating after her infidelity.

The Johnson brothers recall a time Pam hid in a closet trying to stab herself in the stomach with a knife in front of the kids. Erik diagnoses her with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Walt considers standing up after the officiant announces Bryan and Maribeth man and wife and shouting “Tell’em Steve Dave!”

Q announces he will be officiating the ceremony. Ming reminds everyone both he and Mike are also licensed to preside over weddings.

Walt tells Bry he was feeling nervous for him driving down, but that he is glad Bryan is finally at a place where he will allow himself to be happy.

#451: I Buy Comics

*Featured image by Joseph Bradascio

Description:

Bry, Walt and Q bring a taste of Patreon.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“I do love the smell of pulp. I love the smell of pussy. The older i get the more pulp starts winning.” -Q

“If having a big dick is a super power, then super heroes really do walk among us.” -Q

“I wouldn’t use it in a bad way.” – Q about his shape shifting powers in the bedroom.

Games Played

Comic Book Quiz

Memorable Moments:

Bry and Sage introduce this weeks episode, a free release of a Patreon original, I Buy Comics. It is revealed that Sage’s nicknames are Bunny, Boo, and Snake Weedsmeyer.

Walt reads a list of the top ten questions a comic fan should ask themselves before they die.

  1. What is the most money you ever spent on on book? Walt reveals he wasted good money on a recalled book featuring superbaby in a microwave.
  2. Do you remember your first “wall book”?
  3. What was the first time you speculated a book would be collectible and bought multiple copies?
  4. Name a smell better than pulp?
  5. If you owned a comic company what franchise would you go after? Walt would want to make Planet of the Apes comics, Q would go after Godfather.
  6. If you were editor in chief of DC in charge of a new “Crisis” what character would you kill off to maximize sales and chatter? Q would kill Barry Allen, he hates Barry Allen.
  7. What is your all time favorite costume?
  8. What is the worst all time cover gimmick?
  9. What is the best character to come out of a fad? Walt remembers Dazzler coming about from Disco. Q mentions the New Warriors Snowflake and Safespace
  10. What are the best powers to have in the sack? Both Walt and Q agree its physical manipulation like Plastic Man.

Frank 5 treats the listeners to a snippet of the recent episode of Patreon’s Frank 5’s Rewind: The Office where Walt imagines Tom Brady loves Giselle as much as Jim loves Pam

Walt challenges Q and Bry to a comic book trivia contest to send original artwork to listeners. Q gets general comic questions including listing books by how valuable they are and answering if a given color Krpytonite was really part of Superman lore. Bry’s questions are all about books that he has written himself; Karney, War of the Undead, and Cryptozoic Man.

Bry believes Wayne Jansen is the answer for every question involving inking or coloring his books.

Q recalls boring Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins on the set of Wonder Woman by geeking out over DC comics.

Sunday Jeff introduces a sneak peak of Patreon’s The All New Sunday Jeff Show where Walt ponders if we should be cloning famous actors so that decades in the future we can still produce films with the original cast.

#450: Silver (alert) Foxes

*Featured image by Mike Ward

Description:

The evils of ‘Kindergarten Cop’, Q “loses’”power, has TESD lost its fastball?

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“How fucking stupid is it to let all these prisoners out because of covid. Now let’s talk about sending all the kids to school!” – Bry

“A Blonde adult is unusual” – Bry

“So they have to put up with a little loudness so you’re not dyin?” – Q about Bry’s generator.

“I’m disappointed in the fuckin’ trees in this area, we got pussy trees.” -Walt about the number of branches down.

“My boners are on point” – Q

“He’s fuckin’ going to be a fox whether it’s a brown fox, silver fox, or a red fox.” – Walt

“I’m comin’ Elizabeth!” -Bry as Redd Foxx

“I betcha it’s ALL missionary with Arnold.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

The guys discuss the August 4 big storm as the hurricane touches down in NJ. Q may or may not be siphoning power from a nearby children’s hospital. A neighbor’s tree smashes through Q’s new fence and is now ignoring it.

The guys discuss firehouse politics and how Q says he would never take a promotion that would remove him from his house. Walt thinks he is like the fire chief that can’t relate to the common Joes Mike and Gitem.

Impractical Jokers may begin filming again soon with socially distant challenges.

The guys discuss the explosion in Beirut.

A rape suspect is released due to COVID concerns only to kill his accuser.

Bry tries to explain the soul to Sage and can’t quite find the words. Walk says it’s easy; “Souls are astral ghosts that look like you.” The movie Ghost is discussed.

Walt wonders if TESD lost it’s fastball.

A showing of Kindergarten Cop is cancelled because of the “political climate” involving police in schools

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Image by Eric Mason

Trader Joe elects to keep ethnic names like Trader Jose because people rallied against removing them.

#449: Dr. Qlittle

*Featured image by Eric Mason

Description:

Q plays Ranger Rick. Walt faces down killer bees. Bry issues an apology.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“Turns out the only thing that didn’t have AC was his walk in closet.”

“I prostitute myself for way more than $20. But trust me this mouth is stretched out.” -Q

“We were looking for a fish that didn’t exist.” – Walt

“Oh my god it fucking smells like a dumpster.” – Walt

“Not enough people are feeling sorry for me! All this COVID shit is distractin’ them.” -Bry as Q

“Millions of people have died, I haven’t had AC for an hour!” – Walt as Q

“Can she come back from this and dance with people grinning ear to ear?” – Walt

“Four days looking for that fuckin’ fish.” – Walt

“You got that Comic Book Men money layin’ around, why not get an electric wheelchair?” -Bry

“I look like Conan on the Wheel of Death!” – Walt

“That’s the cashmere Gildan” – Walt about Jay and Bob merch.

“Why would a dude be wearing a bikini?” – Walt about his doctor.

Memorable Moments:

Bry feels little need to leave his house anymore now that everything can be delivered straight to his door. Q is nervous coming to Red Bank to record. Walt claims Red Bank has crushed the curve.

Swarms of bee’s swarmed Cape May, NJ while Walt was on vacation.

Despite a pandemic, protests and riots, Ellen being mean to people has been front page headlines much to Q’s amazement. Q has heard personal stories from people that have worked on her show that confirm.

Walt bored on vacation spends 4 days trying to find a giant plaster fish in Cape May that was featured in Weird NJ magazine. He later finds out it was destroyed years past in a storm.

Walt got buff from pushing his mother-in-law around in a wheelchair through sand and across board walks all weekend.

Walt can’t enjoy his 7$ water ice because of the lobster roll stand next door. An aquarium at the boardwalk lets you feed live fish to piranha. T-shirt stands sell unbelievably cheap and tacky merch such as a “I’m not gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks” shirt.

Q has several run ins with live animals at his home as mice chew through his Air Conditioning cord and he saves an abandoned baby squirrel by playing mother sounds from Youtube and bringing it to the Staten Island Squirrel Whisperer.

Bry bemoans a graham cracker shortage.

Bryan runs down the new uptick in fat shows with Family by the Ton, Thousand Pound Sisters, and My 600 lb Life.

Bry wonders what his big Act III will be. He is considering writing his memoirs, “Bryan Johnson: Slow Burn to Awesomeness”.

Do doctors personal lives while not at work impact their ability to do their work?