#543: No Apologies

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Madonna’s tour video, Bry runs a prank by Walt and Q, Walt brings a new game


Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Walt Flanagan

Git’em Steve Dave

Games Played

All Apologies


“You’re talkin about one friend suckin’ another friends dick.” – Q

“I would never disown any episode of TESD, maybe the ones I wasn’t on.” – Walt

“Double fisting networks.” – Walt

“They were castrated.” – Bry

“Rare chance I’m wrong” – Git’em

“It’s a blast, I talk about my dead cat.” – Q

“We don’t got jobs but we got balls!”- Bryan

“Oh what’s that, a tail between my legs? How’d that get there?” – Bryan about Walt’s apology.

Memorable Moments:

Impractical Jokers celebrates the start of season 10: 12 years of making people laugh. Brett Michaels and Paul Rudd appear on the premier. Walt asks if it’s easier for famous people to get along with other famous people. Kal Penn’s agents tell the Jokers not to talk about Harold and Kumar but Kal himself loved discussing it.

Bryan asks if the Jokers would promote their new tour the same cringeworthy way that Madonna announced hers with her sitting around a table with celebrities playing truth or dare.

Bryan, Quinn and Sunday Jeff are going to discuss the cult classic Basket Case on an upcoming Sunday Grind.

Frank 5’s love of onion rings is so great that he subjects himself to extreme digestive distress. Q wears the Frank 5 pin in an episode of Jokers this season.

Walt jokes Mike joined the mile high club when he went up in the Batcopter on Comic Book Men. Walt remembers seeing a tweet diatribe claiming all the show was was Bryan making gay jokes and that’s why it never got more viewers and were cancelled.

Bryan asks Walt and Q their opinions on a hypothetical plan by the Prank Superstar. He wants Troy to call Maribeth’s parents saying they did a well fare check and ask if they’ve heard from her, that Bryan was not cooperating with the investigation to make them believe Bry killed their daughter. No one thinks it would be funny.

If Kevin, Mike, and Ming are all murdered three weeks apart how would Bry or Walt change up their daily routine to avoid the same grisly fate. How long before they realize they are targeting the cast of Comic Book Men. Walt says he’d go on a long sabbatical, put up a Ring system and a beware of dog sign.

Walt’s doctor is revealed to be a listener after he calls him after hearing the last episode to reassure him the stinging was normal. Q asks if he tried to upsell the doc to subscribe to Patreon.

Facebook and Instagram could soon lift the nipple ban in some cases.

Tom Brady eliminated in the play offs. Walt worries for his future. Git’em claims to have inside information from someone that works at Giant Stadium (Git’em’s Dad) that the Jets are going to sign Brady for two years and are changing the turf to grass solely for Tom’s benefit. Walt brings Git’em to the table to question him on this bombshell as he wants TESD to be the first to report it. Is Git’em worried that the big wigs might find out who leaked the info?

Walt and Git’em challenge Bryan and Quinn to a game of All Apologies where they will be graded on apolgizing for hypothetical situations provided to them. Q made a formal apology for the Ching Chong Song despite not ever being called out on it. Walt once made a public apology for something he said on TESD that he didn’t find women funny and Kev’s wife Jen blasted him on Twitter 10 days before the show premiers.

#542: The Sting, too

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Walt’s absence is explained, Bry and Q get yelled at, what color is YOUR loofah?


Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Walt Flanagan

ReOccuring Segments


“If the doctor said the only way to make you feel better is to suck it out? Ida been like ‘let’s go’.”- Walt

“Did a man touch your penis, that’s what I’m getting at” – Quinn

“How much more do you want from me Mother Fucker?” – Bryan as Walt talking to God

“I’d be happy to bathe in my own urine at this point.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Walt is back after a 6 week hiatus due to a health scare. Walt tells the harrowing tale of his month long affliction beginning with the inability to urinate. After three days he goes to the ER only to be turned away being told they can’t help him. Walt even asks for pain killers to help him sleep. Walt gets a catheter to empty his bladder to tremendous relief. He is told he should be able to pee normally but to keep the catheter in for a week. He ends up having to return to the hospital as it did not work. A specialist needs to thread a scope to check out possible cause. An enlarged prostate leads to surgery with little robots. Walt helped Bryan move a lot of boxes still with a catheter in, Bryan wishes he knew he would have hired someone. As the surgery day approaches Walt has cold feet and thinks living with a catheter isn’t so bad. Walt goes in early after the previous patient chickens out. Walt comes out of anesthesia with Andre the Giant’s catheter in him and labored breathing. On the other side of the crisis Walt is given the all clear but now fears needing to go back due to a stinging sensation. Walt tosses his pain killers after only taking half of one. Walt proud of his morning wood despite the catheter.

Walt adds Cranberry juice to his list of things he will ingest.

Walt gets a hook up at an Illinois comic book shop Tim’s Corner Comics. Walt drew up a t-shirt design to thank him for the discount.

Bry appears on two podcasts “Reviewing History Podcast” and “The Creep Off”

Different colored loofahs hanging on golf costs at The Villages indicates different activities in the swinging community. Q is accosted by a grumpy old lady questioning his FD jacket, vaccine status, and political affiliations.

Bryan hassled by a crossing guard in front of a school. Bryan and Q devise a plan to prank her by having Maribeth flash her.

YouTube shorts about construction fails, trucks overturning, dogs reuniting with owners, and hero crossing guards.

Quinn legally grows a 7′ high pot plant. He is now harvesting it and distributing it to friends. Walt worried that rival drug kingpins might target him for encroaching on their turf.

#541: Tuna Slop

Featured Image by Eric Mason


Bry has an idea for a YouTube channel, online dilemmas, portrait follow-up.


Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

ReOccuring Segments

Space Monkeys


“When did ‘Fuck It’ become such a bad thing?” – Bryan

“Stay out of that pool, bruh!” – Quinn

Memorable Moments:

Last week Walt sick, this week he’s tripping down to Smithville.

10 killer minutes of content lost due to speaking into the wrong mic as Q’s microphone was not recording.

Was Comic Book Men cancelled or just not renewed? Bryan admits he misses it.

Q and Bry would rather do anything other than be a prof like Frank 5 and have to deal with the current generation.

Bryan used to be really into recycling and doing things the right way but then see’s states like Ohio that don’t enforce it and don’t have recycling centers and wonders if his efforts even matter. Q says the only way to stop plastic waste is to stop all plastic manufacturing.

Bry lifts his household ban on Aldi’s due to their delicious Iced Tea.

Q tries to comfort Bryan that no one is going to loop him in with the evil middle aged white men on the internet.

Bryan Maxwell texts Quinn with a picture of him and an ALF shirt.

Bryan names himself “Moron of the Week” and reveals the second part of the Portrait saga. Bryan and Maribeth go to get it done and Bry is surprised that they say it is done after only 20 minutes. Then the photos are projected up on the wall to select which one they want to get painted and Bryan hates looking at pictures of himself. They then get quoted $6,100 for the painting. It turns out that Maribeth only won a voucher for 2500 off or the smallest size portrait there is for free. Maribeth spends her parent’s Christmas money to get the nice one.

Quinn visits his parents at the Villages in Florida and admires the party atmosphere and early bed time. He has a great time at a firing range.

During an ad for Green Chef Bryan mentions being disgusted by a dish Maribeth made with Tuna and Noodles. Q suggests they spend some time apart in the house. Make his basement the He Man Woman Haters Club.

Ming goes to an average of 60 cons a year. There is a 10 hour minimum you need to be at a con in Dubai. Bryan wouldn’t dare break a rule there, imagines himself hanging over the arena with Ming watching and eating popcorn.

Bryan comes up with an idea for a new YouTube Channel. Recently the power went out at his house in a storm and he burst into Sage’s room to spook her instead to be met with stark terror. Should the YouTube channel be dedicated to scaring special needs kids or the elderly like Pam.

#540: Hot Grandma

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Bry goes to Orlando, Married with Children, Ship Breaker, questions are answered.


Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

ReOccuring Segments

Space Monkeys

Listener Questions


“So Fuck Chuck, I guess?” – Q

“Why am I sitting here marveling at the fact a Grandma can be younger than me?” – Bryan

Memorable Moments:

Does Flanagan-less mean rudderless? Bryan doesn’t go to Reddit but Chuck reports back to him with the hot takes.

Kenny Rubenis starts an Instagram illustrating classic Tell’em Steve Dave moments: TESDComics

Quinn ponders what it would be like to have a Chuck on staff to make all his dreams come true.

Q takes what is owed him from the Green Rooms on tour by absconding with all the Fiji water.

Bryan goes to Orlando over his birthday and stays away from all the big parks, loved the relaxed feeling. He visits Gatorland. One exhibit is literally just a raccoon. Q remembers having to wrestle an alligator for his backpack in an episode of Impractical Jokers.

Bryan annoyed by a giant Ferris wheel which was sticky, made him stand the whole time, and would start and stop for 20 minutes.

Maribeth wanted to go on the Slingshot, Bryan says you are just asking to have a cable snap and be shot into the air. The ticket taker says they don’t do that anymore “since the accident”. A 14 year old kid fell from the harness and died.

Hot Grandma at the pool took a shine to Sage when she was playing in the pool. She was younger than Bry, in a bikini with a belly ring. Her husband was good looking too making Bry self conscious.

A Denny’s waitress gets too personal by describing why she can’t eat any grain.

Maribeth wins a portrait for her and Bryan from a local business. They claim a 2,500 dollar value. Bry wonders what the catch is, the up-sale is for the frame and matting. Bryan does not want to have it done as someone that doesn’t like getting his picture taken. Where would one even hang a giant portrait of themselves, Q suggests the guest bedroom with the eyes taken out like ones in old movies with hidden passages behind them.

The Space Monkeys take some listener phone calls.

#539: Mr. Glass

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Thanksgiving attire, when does the honeymoon stage end, Bry refrains from entering an argument. Sponsor: ter.li/AmericanMusicalSupply-TESD


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn



“That’s what I should be thankful for? That my wife isn’t risking my life for no reason?” – Bryan about the life threatening tater tots.

“I’d be upfront, like I’d be like “look, maybe you’re noticing my hands, it’s because I’m going to live until I am 190 at least, and the tradeoff is scaly hands. I’ve got to inject it with tortoise DNA”. -Quinn

“He’ll put on that coach uniform and prance around?” – Quinn

“On all their flags it just says ‘Why Bother'” – Bryan

“Chill is not the word I’d use to describe him” – Quinn on Darin

Memorable Moments:

Black Friday merch still available at the time of this recording.

Maribeth posted a picture of Johnson Thanksgiving and Darin was catching flak online for his attire of tank top and sunglasses on his head.

Bryan proud he didn’t argue with Pam when she erroneously insists she saw “The Fog” in black and white when it’s never been filmed or shown that way. Pam’s posture has become troll-like.

Kanye takes a stand on the side of Hitler. Walt wonders how you can ever get sponsors again and compares him to a hacky Yoko Ono after looking him up and seeing him on SNL. Taylor Swift fans swamp the Kanye reddit to support the Jewish community.

People are being much ruder to Sunday Jeff at his other job these days, Walt posits it could be the rise of anti-Semitism.

Bryan gets annoyed at a self-righteous “Do Better” bumper sticker. Quinn suggests releasing a “Do Bitter” sticker.

Walt checks in with Quinn to see if he was boozing it up on Thanksgiving. Q says his days of drinking to excess are over. Walt imagines a drunken Q screaming at Sunday Jeff for high prices.

Walt traveled to NYC to see the Rockettes, falls asleep multiple times.

Bryan wonders when you know the honeymoon phase is over when broken glass ends up in his Crispy Crowns.

Bryan longs for the days of the crooked house over the ordeals he deals with as a home owner now.

Christmas episode coming out December 15 on Patreon and Band Camp. Walt says the expectations are always so high.

Johnathan the Tortoise is the oldest living land animal at 190 years old. Walt asks if the guys would inject Tortoise DNA collected by Git’em to live longer, even if his hands and feet turn scaly? What if Maribeth took it to stay young but then could only speak at a turtle’s pace?

In Little House on the Prairie news, Bryan is convinced Nellie Olson is a sociopath.

#538: Kids in Satan’s Service

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Post-Thanksgiving wrap up, Bry spends a day Blue Octobering, unusual after-school clubs.


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Frank 5



“Just run me over, go ahead, I know you want to!” – Walt

“You got Alex like ‘wake up ese!'” -Bryan to Walt

“I just feel so sorry for Edgar.” – Walt

“Bry looks bored, let’s argue.” – Walt as Pam

“If Pam was a guy, she’d be Mike Zapcic. She can’t take it.” – Bryan

“Your homophobic jokes would make anybody feel better.” – Walt to Bryan about saving lives like Blue October

Memorable Moments:

Bryan mentions Walt might be low energy this episode. Walt says it’s due to two days of tryptophan laden turkey.

Frank #5 had a traditional Thanksgiving (that he actually attended) with kids running around and many tables.

Maribeth hosted the Johnson holiday this year and made food for about 18 people when they only were hosting 8. No one would take leftovers. Pam gets giddy on prosecco and gets in an argument with Bry’s sister about her not getting to pick what color to paint her bedroom as a kid. Pam won’t stay out of the kitchen while Maribeth is trying to prepare food. After 6 hours Edgar is ready to leave but Pam wants to party more. Instead of one of the kids driving Edgar home so Pam can stay later it devolves into passive aggressive comments and Pam making herself a martyr leaving early. Edgar is in need of a cochlear implant, should he be the beneficiary of Cochlear pod 3? He used to wear hearing aids when Bry was younger but Bryan has no recollection of this.

Bryan reveals that instead of being a Frank 5 episode it was almost a Blue October episode as they were recently in town and Maribeth, a fan of the group, reached out for a potential interview but it fell through due to a late tour bus. Bry recounts his anniversary present to Maribeth which was tickets to the show and a meet and greet. Bryan remarks how fandoms are all similar with fans of Blue October telling them that their music saved them the same way ants say the same to them.

Alex sends Bryan an article about a Californian after school Satan club. The Satanic Temple started a club to teach free thinking and individualism.

Walt urges Frank #5 to get into the Christmas spirit and get Mary a really good gift this year. Walt puts a VR football game on his list.

Bryan mentions watching you tube series about dead malls and stores of America. Walt asks what dead restaurant everyone would bring back and then chastises Frank for his choice of Howard Johnsons. Walt wants to bring back the Sizzler.

Bryan headed to Orlando and asking for suggestions of cool things to do that aren’t the major theme parks.

#537: Jive Turkeys

Featured Image by Eric Mason


Bry, Walt, & Q talk concerts, thanksgiving, and Brady. Sponsor: ter.li/AmericanMusicalSupply-TESD


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn



“Sunday Jeff laughed too!!!!”

“And now I’m like, I eat a piece of turkey and I’m like, what happened, what changed?” – Walt

“Hey what was that girl like the other night? Pretty hot, but her asshole, slick turkey, all the way.” – Bryan

“Do wines be dated” – Walt

“Rock stars flame out!” – Walt

“What do you think you’re watching, what do you think we’re in the middle of” – Quinn

“She’s under more pressure than the San Andreas fault.” – Bryan

“Me and Daddy like dark meat!” – Pam

“I love spending money, my bestie loves spending money. Dada hates spending money.” – Sage

Memorable Moments:

Walt makes Q promise not to drink on Thanksgiving or Black Friday seeing as he is still processing the loss of Benjamin Cat. Quinn has been working hard on several projects including a new tour with Sal and Murr which has not gave him much time to think.

As he ages Walt is finding he does not enjoy the taste of turkey as once he did. Q suggests smoking the turkey or using beer as the old turkey lubricant. Walt says you don’t see much turkey in fast food places leading Quinn to propose opening their own chain, Turkeyz with a Z.

Maribeth is hosting Thanksgiving for the first time and is trying hard to impress with many festive decorations that Walt thinks will just go unnoticed by most of the male relatives. Quinn suggests sneaking in a sexy turkey with big breasts among the decorations. Walt asks Bryan to make Pam, Maribeth and Tracy to not drink on Thanksgiving like Q.

Sage and Maribeth have been thinking of starting a twitch channel.

New Black Friday Merch is announced.

Git’em is known to sleep 40 hours straight on his two days off, going into a coma like hibernation.

Walt and Bryan have a boys night out to see WASP. Listening to the songs he used to 40 years ago makes Walt nostalgic thinking about his teenage hopes and aspirations, and seeing that he managed to achieve the good family and job he likes. Walt believes Blackie Lawless might have been lip syncing.

Us listeners miss out on some riveting Texas Roadhouse conversation when some of the recording is lost. Declan does not cut out the production meeting as instructed.

Quinn saw an odd bumper sticker while driving in Manhattan today “One kind of protection is unfeasibility of sin.” What does it mean.

Walt also saw something odd in the wild at the Englishtown Auction. Some guy was wearing a very X-rated shirt. Q recalls seeing a guy wearing a shirt that sad “Sorry boys, I eat pussy.”

Giselle is already dating her Jujitsu instructor. Was something going on before the divorce? Walt believed Tom and Giselle were like Jim and Pam. Bryan expresses his disgust for Jim and how he thinks he is better than everyone else at The Office. Walt claims that’s exactly like how they treat Git’em, who is the Dwight of the General Store.

The Curator aka SModfan aka Chancellor aka Comptroller aka Corrections Officer aka Chupacabra aka Commodore 64 aka Chronologist aka Kardashian aka Crypt Keeper aka Curmudgeon


“Smodfan has one foot on the ledge and the other on a banana peel.” -Bry

“SModfan No!” – Walt


The Curator earned the reputation of being TESD’s top historian and memorabilia collector, getting his name from the impressive display of TESD items adorning his walls. Much like Fitzman in the early days of the pod, the Curator is now used as a representation of the listenership at large. In the past he also has recorded his own podcast with other TESD Town alumni Brian Maxwell, called Joints and Joysticks

The Curator has also generously provided many services for the TESD ants, listed below.

The TESD Omnibus

Comprehensive list of all post show music and bands

A TESD Forum

TESD Trivia

TESD Magic the Gathering Cards

First Mentioned:

#377: Return of the Mack Daddy

First Appearance:

#536: Salmon in The Microwave

#536: Salmon in the Microwave

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Little House on the Prairie vs Police Woman, Ming goes to Dubai, Bry, Walt and Q join the Curator to give Git Em an employee evaluation


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

The Curator

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person



“He is our only, well not technically, he is the only office employee but I do tell him that Socks has seniority.” – Walt about Git’em

“I feel as though I’ve been broken since then.” – Bryan about himself now versus early TESD

“Oh he is a fuckin’ prick its amazing.” – Quinn

“You and your generation can sit on it, Maribeth” – Walt as Bry

“Your eyes are so empty.” – Maribeth about Bry

“Do you think Bezos is on steroids?”- Walt

“The fuckk? You looking for Fair Lady or are you looking for some fuckking big cheeks slapping in front of your nose?” – Walt to Q

Memorable Moments:

What generation would you want to be part of. Walt thinks Quinn’s body would be too pussified to survive ancient Greece. Walt would want to be a poser greaser in the 50s. Bryan would want to be in the early 60s.

Bryan and Maribeth have been watching old episodes of Little House on the Prairie. Nothing goes on in that show. Walt suggests watching “Police Woman” about a 50 year old Angie Dickenson going under cover to bust porn rings.

Q recounts the New York Halloween Parade.

Which celebrities have come out the other end of black face and haven’t been cancelled.

Walt ponders if Bezos is using performance enhancing drugs, he’s turning into a super villain right in front of everyone. What makes recently single men try and get into shape and married men let it all go.

Bryan mentions he wears Raycons while blowing leaves leading Q to make the same “who’s Leaves” joke several times.

Sage calls Pam and her mom Karens for complaining about a restaurant being closed.

The Curator is in studio sitting in on the episode, the GOAT of TESD listeners.

Old people wander in to TESD Studios looking for a hearing aid store that used to occupy that space.

Gallagher and Kevin Conroy recently passed. Q recalls a time he was unable to smash a watermelon to Gallagher’s liking.

Q reveals that Benjamin Cat died over the weekend and how he appreciated all the ants reaching out.

Walt asks Quinn to explain Cryptocurrencies. Should TESD go public on the NY Stock Exchange? How would the shareholders earn a profit?

Walt says it is due time for Git’ems annual review. Should he be promoted from Office Coach to Office Manager? Walt gives Git’em a test to see if he deserves it. In each instance Walt portrays the angriest employee ever.

Test 1: How to handle an employee cooking fish in the microwave, stinking up the joint.

Test 2: How to handle a situation where the person in charge of music at an office party plays songs with volatile language.

Test 3: How to handle an employee who always gives unwanted physical compliments to the female workers.

Test 4: How to handle two employees talking about sexual exploits in the bathroom.

Test 5: How to handle an employee spending way too much time in the bathroom.

Test 6: How to handle other people’s food mysteriously missing from the break room.

Test 7: How to handle an employee making loud angry personal phone calls at work.

Test 8: How to perk up low morale at the office

Test 9: How to handle rumors of an office streaker. Bryan was once accused of walking out of a bathroom naked except for shoes.

Curator, Bryan and Quinn all think Git’em’s answers deserve the promotion. Walt has one big reason why he can’t. He doesn’t want to invest in a new uniform that says manager.

Walt’s mom insists on him taking vitamins but Walt will only take Flintstones. She purchases him a years worth of Flintstones gummies, which is not the classic vitamins of his youth.

Black Friday plans for the General Store. Baron and Coach Git’em will be there for pictures, Q will bring R&H merch for sale.

Git’em expresses interest in going to see Twerking contest at Fantasy’s. Q is not into twerking. Bry recalls a twerker holding up traffic.

#535: I WON’T Shut Up!

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There’s a know-it-all in the bunch this week. Guess who? Sponsor: ter.li/AmericanMusicalSupply-TESD


Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person



“How can that annoy anybody, that he thinks he knows everything? He doesn’t!” – Walt

“Hey you know maybe he comes across me and he realizes I’m not likable.” – Git’em

“Have you caught yourself mansplaining?” – Walt

“I’m here with someone with all the charm and pizazz of a BQ, but comes in the package of a Git’em” – Bryan

“He’s so above and beyond that, he mansplains to all sexes, he doesn’t see gender.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Walt wonders why people get so annoyed at Git’em being a know-it-all.

Can a man mansplain to another man?

Git’em admits to an instance of mansplaining to a reporter Joanna Stern on a tech website not realizing she was one of the leading experts on the program.

Git’em manned the TESD general store on Halloween but no one came to trick or treat. Bryan goes to Pam’s annual Halloween party. Bry proud that this holiday get together did not end up as the usual powder keg when Bryan has to double check what classic horror movies Pam was watching on her DVR. She claims to have watched “The Fog” in black and white and is adamant about it despite proof to the contrary that it wasn’t even shot in black and white and she must have meant “The Mist”.

Bryan wanted to talk to Q about Terrifer 2 but he didn’t come today. According to Q’s instagram you have to assume his life is just going to movies, rock concerts and playing with squirrels.

Collingswood is a no-go. They claimed to have no spaces for the TESD pop up in an arrogant and hostile way. Maribeth will be upset she was looking to unload a ton of Rick and Morty pops.

Git’em’s desire to be a background extra in a Netflix show like Dahmer. He reveals how he used to hang around the gay bar his mom worked at and had been hit on a few times. He was made over by a friend from her gay brother’s wardrobe prior to one instance.

With Collingswood gone Walt and Git’em plans a Black Friday event.

TESD has a new sponsor: American Musicial Supply, owned by an Ant.

A children’s museum worker dresses as Hitler for Halloween.

Kyrie Irving won’t apologize for tweeting a link to an anti-Semitic film on Amazon.

Kardashian Halloween game is on point as Mystique and Bride of Frankenstein. Lots of people point out to Git’em the Toy Story Jessie costume Kylie wore.

Git’em negotiates for some of that free MeUndies action.

Bill Murray in danger of being cancelled for being an asshole.

College sports reporter has a 2013 tweet come out from when she was 17 which forces her to apologize. Should people be judged on comments made in a different time and social mores.

Elon making weird decision to have celebs charge 8 bucks for the blue check mark. Twitter losing 4mil a day.

Who cares that much for verification? Git’em was devastated when he lost star status on Gawker.

Git’em is asked to be the tour guide for Airport Plaza when the Curator visits.

Daughter of legendary high school coach and school’s athletic trainer accused of sexually abusing at least six varsity players.