#448: Sk8ter Boyz

*Featured image by Erich Lehman

Description:

Homeward Bound, The Ten Commandments and mortality.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“My top half is better than my bottom half.” – Walt

“I think everything men do is mostly to get laid.”-Q

“There’s a skill to baseball. A crackhead could give birth”-Q

“Mmmm that ass would look good sliced up in my fireplace” -Q

“Yeah? Well I got all my digits… no USE for ‘em”- Walt in response to Tommy Mason

“You don’t think Evel Knievel isn’t out for some ‘tang jumping Snake River?” – Walt

“It’s like something Gene Kelly would have did in the fuckin’ 40s!” – Walt

“Unless it’s an orgy you don’t need to be sleeping on the floor with ten people.” – Bry

“I never went to Action Park, my biggest action was the bus ride.” – Walt

“Walt ‘No Shenanigan” Flanigan” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Walt says he has no capacity to learn how Zoom works after watching Bry struggle for 10 minutes to connect to Q.

Walt is about to go on vacation with his family to Cape May. He is looking forward to getting to sketch while everyone else is at the beach.

Bry discusses the Action Park documentary and his experiences getting injured there. Walt remembers the story of the boy who got decapitated by a water slide.

Walt says he was always cautious as a lad and listened to his mother about not taking too many risks. The guys remember the time Tommy Mason lost all of his finger tips jumping off of the Highlands bridge. Walt says the girls would gather and be impressed by the boys that lept.

Q can not confirm whether trick photography was used during an Impractical Jokers punishment when Sal and Murr had to leap off a cliff at Fawn’s Leap.

Bry has no respect for people over the age of 20 that skateboard or any girl skater after Maribeth admitted she used to skateboard just to fit in with the crowd.

Sports are set to come back with social distancing and no spectators in the stands. Q mentions Wrestling has been doing this for a while and thinks adding fake crowd noises is too distracting.

Bry breaks down the 10 Commandments for Q and Walt to see if they are all on the stairway to heaven. Walt suggests self flagellation when you start to get the urge to covet.

A Kansas dog named Cleo travels across state lines to return to its former home in Missouri. Walt compares this to the movie Homeward Bound and it’s sequel ‘Lost in San Francisco’.

#447: Phuc Boyz

*Featured image by TESDGroupie

Description:

A hero teacher dies, unsettling urbanites and the boys make a public plea to Spotify.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Gitem Stevedave

Mentioned Person:

Maribeth

Chris Laudando

Quotes:

“Like fuckin’ Burgle Burgle, you look like the God Damned Hamburglar!” – Bry

“I think I have small holes” – Walt

“Ask Ming when he was called ‘Dwarf’ all through school if he thought it was cool.” – Walt

“Fuck you Johnson, there’s something to that.” – Bry

“You’re talking to a former fatty. I looked like a God damn ninja half the time.” – Bry

“What about that tryptophinamin?” – Walt

ReOccuring Segments:

Memorable Moments:

Q returns to the table in person for the first time since the pandemic. Walt believes the entire country catching Covid-19 is inevitable.

The boys discuss their July 4th plans. Many suburbanites shot off nearly professional grade fire work displays since all the official fireworks have been cancelled. There have been fireworks shot off in major cities nightly since the BLM protests have begun leading the internet to come up with theories on the cause. Walt says he received major peer pressure from someone who really wanted him to shoot off fireworks for the 4th.

Bry made Maribeth get rid of one of her favorite black and white striped shirts claiming it made her look like the Hamburglar.

Q mentions seeing a petition to remove statues of Walt Disney from Disney amusement parks. Walt wants to check with resident Disney expert Chris Laudando. Walt advocates for a transexual Mickey Mouse.

Walt reveals he’s been binging ‘The Goldbergs’ and loves how wholesome it is. Q has been real enjoying DC’s ‘Doom Patrol’. Gitem chimes in on the television line-up at the Stash which includes Mary Tyler Moore, That Girl, and making fun of Alec from the Shriners Commercial.

A college professor is put on leave when he asks a Vietnamese student to anglicize her name because it sounded like Fuck Boy.

Spotify has gone on record regretting how much money it spent on Joe Rogan’s podcast. Walt promises the most bang for their buck if Spotify wants to buy TESD.

Mary Kay Letourneau who made national news by having a child with her 12 year old student has died at age 58.

#446: The TESD Father’s Day Blowout

*Featured image by Bryan Johnson

Description:

Do you need one?!

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Eddie Vedder was like ‘Hey I heard you’re into this, and so am I'” -Bry

“J Sarge, the great J Sarge, the clutch J Sarge.” – Walt

“It’s worse than Painkillers right Bry?” – Walt

“It’s a regional dialect, don’t shame me.” – Q

“Shared Universe Now Reopened?” – Bry thinks Ming’s ad is grammatically awkward.

ReOccuring Segments:

Hitlearn Something New: A Miss Hitler contestant is jailed. Hitler’s pet alligator dies at age 84.

Fat Newz: The terrible future of people addicted to binge watching Netflix.

Memorable Moments:

Q is now determined to travel to record TESD in person as he does not like being odd man out.

Bry is finally feeling like he is in Groundhog Day with how all the days blend together.

Walt speaks on how it has been working now that The Secret Stash has reopened. He says all the customers have been respectful to the restrictions and regulations.

Q’s neighbor Miss Kalabash has been cooking him dinner one night a week and Q hosted last weeks Impractical Jokers Dinner Party from her house.

Q is enjoying the semi retired life of watching movies, playing video games, and putting together LEGO. Adam Green and Justin Roiland turned Q onto the zen nature of LEGO. Even Walt has lightened his stance on the bricks.

Eddie Vedder takes on the evil corporation Ticketmaster. Could Q be his partner?

MeUndies asks TESD to reminisce on their first pair. Walt scoffs at the ridiculous question.

There is a petition to replace a statue of Robert E Lee with GWAR front-man and Comic Book Man hater Oderus Urungus.

There are talks to replace confederate statues with statues of cryptid creatures.

Q wants Bry and Walt to put their money where their mouths are and tear down Christopher Columbus statues in New Jersey.

Robocop will shoot your dick off.

Walt considers releasing TESD official ear buds where the episode will sound like shit unless you have his brand.

#445: Overkill: Kissing the Prussian Devil

*Featured image by Sophie J Moore

Description:

Cryptids and Corona

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“He’s filibustering to tell us something we already know!” – Bry about Q being a pussy.

“It’s like somebody fucks up your doordash enough times you’ve been good about it, you finally have to go kick a door down!” – Bry

“Your whole life is a riot.” – Q

“These thoughts have been in my head for over a week, I have no outlet. I’m talking to cats!” – Q

“Whoop, tonight my cums gonna be green sweetheart.” – Q

ReOccuring Segments:

Overkill

Memorable Moments:

People on Twitter have been asking for Bryan’s take on the protests and riots but Bry elected to save his comments for TESD and not 150 characters.

Q is remaining socially distant joining Bry and Walt via Zoom. Walt offers to buy Q a plastic bubble.

Benjamin Cat has had another seizure.

Bry clarifies he is not anti liberal but just anti overly PC bullshit.

Q votes for an all fluff TESD with no hot button topics.

TESD talks about the elderly Buffalo man who was pushed by police.

New Jersey and the Secret Stash to reopen on June 22.

Walt reveals a Sunday Jeff backyard barbecue episode has been filmed for Patreon.

Bry brings forth an overkill topic discussing many different United States cryptids: Oklahoma Octopus, Goat Man, Grass Man, Melon Heads,

Walt wants to invent a potion to give people rainbow colored ejaculate.

Q claims to have dug up more info on the Prussian Kissing Devil from the Dark Web

Walt wonders if Q would purchase the Hope Diamond if possible, he could hire Gitem to watch it.

Walt encounters a frog in the wild.

Walt discusses searching for Sheepsquatch as a possible future Patreon project.

Could Prince Charles be a vampire? This could explain why he once desired to be Camilla’s tampon.

Walt discovers that climate change activist Greta Thunberg might be a time traveler.

#444: Four Colors For Life

*Featured image by Eric Mason

Description:

Bry, Walt, and Q celebrate this demonic episode by talking frenzied Frenchies and piss boners.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Fuckin’ Mr. Joe Moneybags Rogan.” – Walt

“What kind of monster trains a French Bulldog to fight?”- Walt

“I do, I do wake up with piss boners.” – Bry

“I tell you, I gotta get Sal to do ‘What Say You’ again.  100 million split two ways is better than split three ways.” – Q

“We’re not star fuckers!” – Walt

“I regret no boners.” – Q

“Can’t they just shoot Stem Cells in my eyes?” – Q

“Do you want yourdick sucked too?  I blew Charlie Chaplin once.  He had a piss boner!” – Bry as Walt’s hairdresser.

“I want to run a clean shop, put those Suncoast days behind me!” – Walt

Games Played:

Are you Normal

Scenario 1:  Blowjob and a Haircut – Walt goes to get his haircut and his 90 year old stylist continuously blows hair out of his eyes with her hot breath.

Scenario 2: Hot Hot Toys – Walt is confronted by a person claiming the Stash’s eBay account has been selling toys that were stolen from his collection months ago by his daughters druggie boyfriend.  He demands compensation

Scenario 3:  Basement Billionaire – Walt finds a mysterious bag in the Stash basement which contains thousands of dollars in a false bottom.

Memorable Moments:

Joe Rogan goes exclusive to Spotify for 100 million dollars.

Years ago Joe Rogan declined to have Bryan Johnson as a guest, even after Bry wore a shirt for the Joe Rogan Experience on Comic Book Men.

Walt is just as much a man’s man as Joe Rogan with his latest ‘DYI’ project of building more supports for his daughters bedframe using old pallets from his garage from the many unsold Prussian Kissing Skulls.

Walt is aghast at the news that a French Bulldog has mauled and killed a middle aged woman.

Q bemoans the march of time as he is in need of glasses, he no longer has them sniper eyes.

 

#443: Q’s Blues

*Featured image by Eric Mason

Description:

Q donates beer for a noble reason. Bry recommends a movie, Walt disagrees.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Like Gwenyth Paltrow that was her best performance, being dead.” -Bry

“I say we don’t alter Tell’Em Steve Dave at all for our fuckin’ Chinese masters!” – Walt

“It’s like a throw back to the Lizard Lick days” – Walt about Tirdy Works

“Let me pitch a show about makin’ art with cat shit!” – Bry as Q.

“I lose Benjamin and a light goes out in my eyes.” – Q

ReOccuring Segments:

Fat News:  UK Obese will be forced to stay home even after lock down ends as they are considered more vulnerable.

Memorable Moments:

Sunday Jeff is at the Stash during the recording as he rushed down to check out the newest issue of Previews and make sure his “pervy” R. Crumb books got ordered.

Gitem records himself yelling at protesters.

TruTV expands it’s horizon with Tirdy Work which features art created with moose shit.

Benjamin Cat is the best relationship in Q’s life. He mewls at the door until Q lets him in.

Q is converting vats of his R&H beerinto hand sanitizer and gifting it to first responders and city workers.

Walt’s favorite family friendly comedian Jim Gaffigan is going to portray coked up mayor Rob Ford.

Bry asks Walt and Q to watch 2012 film Contagion and look at all the coincidences with how the Covid-19 crisis went down.

Top Gun 2 is digitally changing Tom Cruise’s bomber jacket to cater to the Chinese film market.  Red Dawn remake also changed the Chinese villains from the first film to North Korean.

Q wonders if he should buy hundreds of praying mantis eggs to fight the incoming Murder Hornets.  Also contemplating becoming a bee keeper.

#442: Fry Guy

*Featured image by BS Jett

Description:

Q waxes philosophic. Walt is downvoted.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Called in 148to help with this setup today and it’s been working smooth as fuckin’ silk.  Gotta get yourselves a 148.” – Walt with worsening sound quality.

“We are going to have to work together to soothe this savage beast.” – Bry to Walt about a cranky Q.

“The tone of what Walt was getting was as if Walt was sitting here going ‘Guys there’s no virus'”- Q

“Oh you go into convulsions?” – Walt excited about Bry’s maladies.

“Those people on reddit are right about you.” – Q to Bry.

“I was just Googling ‘Donkey Punch'” – Walt

“A weak man looking for guidance, BQ” – Bry

“Two weeks ago I was planning a wedding now I’m an alien slave, What the Fuck!” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

Walt is selling original art from the comics he’s drawn oneBay to raise money for the Stash.

Q is having trouble with his tech to record.  Is ‘OK Boomer’ just a blanket insult to anyone over 20 years old?

Q saw that Walt was deep in the shit arguing with people on Redditwhen someone assumes Walt was trying to give legitimate medical advice.

Bry is diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and intermittent explosive disorder after 15 years unmedicated.

Q’s co-host of the Misery Index Jameela Jamil wants to be shot like a man on the cover of Playboy.

Trump advocates putting disinfectants in your body to kill the Coronavirus, Lysol releases apress statement warning not to.

Bry sends Q some new erotica for his collection and a Universal Monsters board game to Walt.

The Navy declassifies UFO footage.

#441.5 Frank 5 and Bry Present: The 80s in 80

*Featured Image by

Description:

Frank5 & Bry discuss the 1983 teen sex romp ‘Joysticks’

Host/Guest:

Frank #5

Bryan Johnson

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“You drop them off when they’re 9 and hope they don’t end up like Adam Walsh.” – Bry

“Are you saying you are so old you need a new heart?” – Bry as Maribeth after he mentions the show Newhart.

Memorable Moments:

The pilot of a Patreon pod where Bry and Frank 5 discuss 80s movies.  Watch Joysticks below.

#441: Lyin’ Johnson

*Featured image by BS Jett

Description:

Corona (of course), Cryptozoic Man, and other stuff.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Gimme something to clean cuz I’m gonna cut this mother fucker!”- Walt

“I know a lot of big brains and I’ll tell ya, they’re fuckin’ annoying”- Walt

“Fueled by Adderall and rage.” – Bry

“I think he’s equating you cleaning with being a fuckin’ bitch”- Walt to Bry

“I’m sorry, you never been lied to?” – Druggie Bry to irate Walt

Memorable Moments:

New York says it will not reopen until after June, some Southern states will reopen up as early as May 1.  What can stop people from crossing state borders to go to bars?

Walt has been taking short road trips with his daughters to points of interest you can see from the car.

Newest Corona rumor is that it was developed in a lab in China and escaped.  How does that lab tech cope with what they’ve done.

Can Corona spread from flatulence?  

Father Lance assures Walt that this virus is not sent by God as punishment.

Bry goes on a 14 hour long cleaning spree.  Cleaning is his new breaking shit when annoyed.

Q recommends the Harley Quinn show from the DC streaming app.

Walt has been drawing non stop during the virus,  his Office rewatch is up to the 7th season.

Q is beginning to worry about the common man and how they are living without working.

Walt and Bry reminisce about behind the scenes of Cryptozoic Man where Walt wanted to crush Bry’s head for not turning in pages on time.

#440: Tit 4 Tat

*Featured image by BS Jett

Description:

Would YOU shun a friend for cannibalizing a child?

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Do they pinch it’s nose?” – Walt about the killing of lobsters.

“How is today’s catch?  Some fresh fish coming your way.” – Bry

“Meeooooow” – Benjamin Cat

“The brand I get is a little bit softer, more appropriate for the asshole of a joker.” – Bry as Q

“Those fishermen, they have hooks for hands don’t they?” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Walt asks to record a little earlier since he has a hot date with his family to eat Red Robin in their car later that evening.  He believes the virus is bringing back the Drive In era of Happy Days.

Walt sends Q some of his personal TP stash in the mail.

Q says Impractical Jokers might not come back for a while as people won’t be as forgiving as strangers getting in their faces for pranks.

New Corona conspiracies are discussed.  Does 5G phones spread the virus?

Walt believes sirloin is Bull Penis.

Bry makes the fish mongers kill his lobsters for him so he doesn’t have to get his hands dirty.

Bry wonders what kind of crimes could you forgive your best friend for; Jay Walker, Drug Trafficking, Murder, Extortion.

Walt asks Bry and Q about their honest opinions about his SunCoast scamming days.

Bry recalls a Christian puppeteerwho wanted to cook and eat kids.