TESD XMAS 2019

Purchase the 2019 TESD XMAS Special

Description:

Grab your cookies, pour some egg nog and cuddle up by that YULE log! It’s time to join Walt, Bryan, Q, Git ‘Em Steve-Dave, Mike, Ming, Troy, Sunday Jeff, Frank #5 and Tom, for this year’s Tell ’em Steve-Dave Christmas Special.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Mike Zapcic

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Sunday Jeff

Frank #5

Troy

Tom Miloszewski

Quotes:

“You wanna be all milk-mouthed while you’re trying to win points?” – Walt

“If it’s got teats I can milk it.” – Gitem

“Sage is on her period but I’m sure she washed her hands.” – Bry handing out cookies Sage made.

“Yeah you always see Santa reading Velvet.” – Sunday Jeff

“I’m sure the orphans pay their 5 dollars a month on Patreon.” – Gitem

“I invited you for the big pussy eating contest!”- Walt to Q.

“Shockingly no one imagined reindeer bestiality porn.” – Troy

“What starts off as an innocent snowball fight ends up in Painal.” – Bry

“Fuck’em man I’m so sick of these orphans.  Jesus Christ making me feel bad.” – Bry

“I agree, any sex is good sex but it’s best to protect yo Willy.” – Sunday Jeff as Bumble

“I’m beginning to think Q’s inability to talk and my inability to get a right answer are really affecting us.” – Bry

“Orphan, an offensive term?  Oh it is!” -Bry

“I will look it up, Tell Them Steve and Dave.” – Orphanage Lady.

Memorable Moments:

Bry gives out Christmas presents to all the contenders.  A photo of Bry’s War of the Undead Nazi tattoo for Sunday Jeff, a bottle of champagne for sober Mike, a racist sugar bowl for Ming, a porno mag and lube for Gitem, and hats and a photo for Q.

Walt has always dreamed of helping to save an orphanage at the holidays after seeing so many television Christmas specials.  This year Team I Sell Comics, Team Tell’Em Steve Dave and Team All New Sunday Jeff Show will compete to win big bucks for a real New Jersey failing orphanage.  Troy and Frank #5 will judge while head writer for TANSJS Tom will keep score.  The winning team will present the orphanage with an oversized novelty check.

Walt asks Q if he would want to match the amount won tonight, Q declines.

First Event:  The teams must guess the plot of a Christmas themed erotic story based off of the title.  The team that provides the plot closest to the real story will win.   Stories include Breeding Mrs. ClausSnowballin’Penetrating Claus, and Christmas in Diapers

Second Event:  Each team must say what they would wish for as a gift to give the entire world.  The judges will award points based on practicality and generosity.  I Sell Comics would give unconditional peace and love.  Tell’Em Steve Dave would send out an EMP so people wouldn’t have to listen to other peoples opinions for once.  The All New Sunday Jeff Show would give an oral cure for cancer.

Third Event:  Each team must guess whether a Christmas themed fetish provided by Walt is real or made up.  This game is reminiscent of Do I Make You Horny

Fourth Event:  High Ho Ho Low.  The teams must take turns guessing if a number answer provided by one of the judges is higher or lower than the true value of a question asked by Walt.

Fifth Event:  In this event each team takes turns putting on giant fuzzy Christmas mascot heads and acting out scenes including three plot points provided by Walt.

Scene 1:  Bry as Rudolph and Q as Santa discuss alternatives to abortion and new tactics to fight terrorism while advocating mandatory castration to sex criminals.

Scene 2:  Mike as Santa and Ming as Frosty discuss condeming corporate greed and cyber bullying while advocating for limiting free speech.

Scene 3:  Sunday Jeff as Bumble and Gitem as Rudolph promote Christian values and safe sex while condemning illegal drugs.

Sixth Event:  TESD Town Roll a Roll.  In this version of Roll a Role cardboard cutouts of TESD town are used.

Scene 1:  Jeff as Ming tries to tell Gitem as Walt to expand his horizons as far as what food he will eat.  Q as Walt and Bry as Ming try to steal the points with the same scenario.

Scene 2:  Mike as Sunday Jeff is arrested for toy return fraud and must convince Ming as his cell mate not to rape him.  Bry as the cellmate and Q as Sunday Jeff try to steal.

Scene 3:  Q as Mike tries to tell Bry as Ming that he wants to replace him as host of I Sell Comics.

Scene 4:  Gitem as Walt greets Sunday Jeff as Tom Brady who enters the Stash looking for comics.

Scene 5:  Ming as Sunday Jeff confronts Mike as Bry for destroying the poker table in a rage.  Gitem as Jeff and Jeff as Bry tries to steal.

Scene 6:  Bry as Ming can no longer hide his attraction to Q in hats and must tell Q as Gitem.  Jeff as Ming and Gitem as himself try to steal.

Jeff, Bry, Walt and Gitem deliver the giant check to the orphanage.

xmas2019

 

Fahrenheit 148

Pod Description:

Please purchase at https://gitemstevedave.bandcamp.com/

Chicago 1871, San Francisco 1906, Farmingdale 2019…these are the fires that history will remember. Join Bry, Walt and Q along with Git ‘Em Steve Dave as he recounts what it was like to receive the call no one wants to receive…the one telling them that their former residence pretty much looks like an ashtray from a 1970’s Elks Club. Spare a dime, brother so Git ‘Em can get back to his “normal” life.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Quotes:

“You might be a suspect in the fire.” – Q to Walt after hearing he returned to Gitem’s house three days in a row for a Patreon shoot.

“I speak Gitem and I speak Fireman so I was able to translate.” – Q

“You probably knew at some point you’d be helping Gitem bury bodies in his backyard.” – Bry to Q

“It’s going to take more than two of you to take me down.” – Gitem to the cops trying to keep him from rushing into his house.

“I should be your fuckin’ Queer Eye for the Gitem Guy.” – Walt about purchasing Gitem new clothes.

“I only knew it was your dad when I heard him looking for a Puerto Rican to shoot.” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

Walt, Bryan, Q and Gitem tell of a fire that devastated Gitem’s house in late July 2019.  On the day of the tragedy nearly all of TESD town were gathered at the stash recording an episode of Tell ‘Em Steve Dave and were on their way to the Monmouth County Fair to finally fulfill their vision from #236: Mub of doing a Making Hay trip to the fair.  Sunday Jeff was dressed in farmers overalls and Gitem in a sleeveless shirt depicting a mulleted Eagle.

Git’Em receives the call from a family friend while everyone was en-route to the fair in a long caravan.   As Gitem speeds to his house to survey the damage Walt, Bry, Q and Sunday Jeff decide they should be with him in his time of need and abandon their plans to film at the fair.  Luckily Walt had been creating Patreon content over the last few weeks and despite having known him for almost a decade only recently found out where he lived.

As a former fireman Q instantly goes into first responder mode and takes charge of the situation, talking with the police officer who was threatening to arrest Git’em if he didn’t settle down.  All the police and fire fighters were very professional, not one asked Q for a selfie.

After the fire is put out Q and Git’em enter the house to survey the damage.  Git’em takes a still cold beer from his ruined fridge and begins drinking.

Sadly both of Gitem’s cats perished in the fire, Q and he bury the bodies in Gitem’s pet cemetery.

The guys meet Gitem’s father, who was mentioned in NYC Podfest 2016: The Long Burn during Gitem’s 1-True-3.  Gitem’s is happily surprised to see that his son has friends at all, let alone such good ones.

 

Takin’ Hay (Cryptozoic Man Bonus Pod)

Pod Description:

The third podcast in the Cryptozoic Man booty time bundle.  Mike and Ming throw down on a bonus pod for listeners who supported the comic.  The Unofficial/Official Makin’Hay III.

Host/Guest:

Mike Zapcic

Ming Chen

Walt Flanagan

Marc Costello

Quotes:

“I have to destroy people’s dreams on a daily basis” – Mike

“You tell them they have shit in a box!” – Walt to Mike

“You’re just a very depressed soul.” – Psychic Cynthia to Walt

“Don’t touch an Asian Man’s computer!” – Ming hiding his porn

Memorable Moments:

Walt chastises Ming for taking so long to put Takin’ Hay together.

Marc, Ming, Mike, Rob Bruce, and Walt are all featured on this episode as interviews taken at several different trips to Collingwood are compiled for this podcast.

The first two interviews are immediately shut down when vendors do not want to answer the hard hitting questions that Ming is asking.  Ming keeps trying to record on the sly without consent but is caught.

Ming claims he is a luminary since he is on TV.

Mike talks about Storage Auction etiquette and how when you win a unit you are supposed to do due diligence to try and get personal items such as photos and letters back to the owner but people at Collingwood usually ignore this rule.

An old lady who doesn’t even know who Mike and Ming are asks for a picture just because she sees other people asking.

Because of Comic Book Men more people try to sell shit at the Stash and Mike sends them to the flea market instead.

Ira the porn guy returns and Mike and Ming list off different porn categories for almost a minute.   Ira does not see the appeal of Asian porn because they are flat chested and flat assed.  Ming takes offense.

Mike recalls one time he bought a porn video from Ira for a bachelor party because it was rumored to star an adult Cindy Brady, was disappointed that Ira was selling bootlegs.

Mike and Ming talk about Erik Johnson visiting the Stash and retelling the time Bryan put a black dildo in his school bag.

Mike, Ming, and Walt get their fortunes told by the Amazing Cynthia who also sells handbags.  Ming is told he will move to California and meet a new woman.  Walt is told he is a depressed bachelor.  Cynthia backtracks several times when she realizes she is wrong.  When it comes to Mike she refuses to be recorded.

Dennis the magazine guy has sold his business to a young buck named James.  Mike insists on calling him and his employee Dennis Junior.  Rob Bruce believes that Dennis had something to do with the great Collingwood fire in the 90s.

Mike buys Ming a playboy featuring Ashley DuPree, the mistress who took down Elliot Spitzer.  This woman opened up a shop in Red Bank around this time.

TESD XMas: 2018

Description:

Due to popular request may we present the 2018 Xmas Special audio only version.

Join Walt, Bryan, BQ, Sunday Jeff, Ming and Git ‘Em Steve-Dave as they gather around the beloved poker table for some very special XMAS magic.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Sunday Jeff

Frank #5

Father Lance

Chris Laudando

Troy

Chuck Staton

Quotes:

“It looks like you swallowed Shrek!” – Walt about Gitem’s Donkey pjs.

“This is the year Gitem and Ming put on a donkey show” – Bry

“Is Gitem the Simon or the Garfunkel?” – Bry

“I think he’s the Ampersand” – Q

Games Played

GitemTration:  A game invented by Gitem alone which is half Memory and half Concentration featuring Rebus puzzles.

Memorable Moments:

This is the first video enhanced TESD Christmas Special.

The guys are all decked out in their Christmas Pajamas.  Bry did not listen to Walt’s warnings about getting green PJs due to probably issues with the green screen and got Grinch pajamas.  Sunday Jeff has Hanukkah pajamas.  Q’s balls protrude from the bottom of his short pants.

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Q thinks going out of your way to hate Christmas is as bad as obnoxiously reveling in it.

Walt produces a Santa sack full of Christmas letters from Ants.  The guys dig through them answering Christmas related questions.  The guys reveal what TV family they would want to spend Xmas with.  Sunday Jeff, who wrote a song all about fucking monsters, chooses The Munsters.

Walt asserts that Cooper would be the only dog that could replace Jesus in a nativity scene and not be blasphemous.  Bry recalls a time Cooper sexually assaulted him at Walt’s house.  Walt defends Cooper by saying he didn’t know Bry was human due to the beard.

Ming clarifies his love of women in heels.

Gitem addresses the note left to him by his birth mother and how he would read it on air at a future date.  Gitem’s birth father was a police officer that impregnated a 16 year old girl.  His adopted father was another cop in the precinct.

Ming reveals that he and Mike are on a website where you can pay them to record short messages and videos.

Walt tells the story about how he and Bryan went halfsies on a Batman Utility belt for Kevin back in ’92.  The final product was extremely shoddy and Walt told Bry he didn’t have to pay his half if he didn’t want to, never thinking he would stick Walt with the total bill.  Bry did.  Walt’s wife wanted Walt to cut all ties with him.

Music:

 

#391: The 2018 Halloween Special: The Colored Cadre Cometh

*Featured image from TESD Patreon

Description:

2018 Halloween Special, video version available through Patreon.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Video by Chuck Staton

Quotes:

“Why are you so shabbily treated everywhere you go?”  – Walt to Bry

“I Can’t be responsible for fucking dulliards!” – Blue Baron

“Q’s so desperate to become a baron he’s sticking his head in toilet water, he’s blowing your bugle.” – Bry

“But that fact may change both of your lives. Well, it will actually only change one of your lives. Actually it will change both of your lives.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Screaming babies at the Cheesecake Factory draw Bryan’s ire.

Bry and Q summon Baron Von Flanagan for the chance to compete against each other to become a Baron themselves.  They must call upon the Colored Cadre (or Colored Cabal) and emerge victorious through three challenges.

“Darkness drown out light.  Appear, Fiend of Fact, within my sight!” – poem to summon Baron Von Flanagan.

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Q questions their relationship with the Baron as he is constantly calling them bitches.

The first member of the Colored Cadre is the Green Baron, master of Children of the Night, who challenges the duo to a contest of bobbing for vermin.

“Invoking the Jade Fiend ensures my soul imperiled, the payment to beckon the bastard Baron decked in Emerald” – poem to summon Green Baron

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Gitem as the ultimate lower life form can bob in place of either contestant for the cost of 10 points.  Q bobs for himself, Bry delegates to Gitem.

The second member of the Colored Cabal is the Blue Baron, Master of Riddles, who challenges Q and Bry to three sets of Cryptic Riddles to be used as clues to guess the answer of an overall theme.  Bry and Q claim this game to be worse than Dyslexia.

“Cobalt Incubus spittle riddles vile and cryptic, I call upon the fiend filled with sin and oh so satanic” – poem to summon Blue Baron.  

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The final member of the Colored Cabal is the Red Baron, Master of Dyslexia.

“Rancid Demon both super and unnatural, my soul I offer to summon the Crimson Fiend of unilateral” – poem to summon the Red Baron

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After the three rounds Brian Quinn is declared the winner (despite a pitiful showing in challenges 2 and 3) and is given the title of White Baron

“Oaf adorned in white, listless schlub I thee beckon to cackle at impotent facts with no bite” – poem to summon the White Baron 

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Music:

 

Elephants in the Room

*Featured Image by @bsjett

Pod Description:

In the summer of 2017, the podcast Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave filmed a gameshow pilot episode to pitch to an unnamed television network.

“ElephANTs in the Room” combines the classic atmosphere of beloved gameshows, with the insightful and humorous world of podcasting.

When you add in elephant-based physical changes, and the perils of taboo topics that no that sane person would ever dare to discuss, you get “ElephANTs in the Room!”

With an explosive and shocking final challenge, it’s safe to say you have NEVR seen a gameshow like this!

Buy it at https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/elephants-in-the-room/

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Troy

Chris Laudando

Mike Zapcic

Ming Chen

Quotes:

“It says here you ‘lava’ good hot sauce, and Ming says your sauce is the hottest” – Walt to Mike

“It says here, Brian, that you ‘depreciate’ a good tax joke” – Walt to Q.

“I’ve never been a big fan of nepotism”- Bry

“He’s missing two tusks so you’ll have the advantage” – Bry to ISC during the first physical challenge.

“Pretend you’re tossing salad!” – Sunday Jeff to Mike

“I can tell you Sunday Jeff DID want his head stuck in a rhino’s ass” – Walt

“Ming doesn’t want to do this one because so far no one has been able to force him to be a father.” – Troy

“They look like a Nutrisystem before and after photo” -Ming about Walt and Gitem’s matching safari outfits.

“Is it too late to talk about a divine child rapist?” – Bry regrets not doing the Elephant in the Room topic about Muhammad.

“We gotta get a head in the anus or there’s no payoff!” – Walt

Games Played:

Elephants in the Room

The name of the game is taken from the common phrase that means an obvious topic that is difficult to talk about.  Two teams compete representing a different listener.  For the team that wins their listener wins 100 dollars of their podcast’s merchandise.    Each team in turn is asked an Elephant related question.  If the question is answered correctly the team wins 15 points.  If the question is answered incorrectly the team can choose to A)  Give a 2.5 minute long podcast about an “Elephant in the Room” controversial topic.  The podcast is judged by the ‘Peanut Gallery’ and can win between 3-15 points or B) Compete in an Elephant themed physical challenge versus Gitem and if victorious win an automatic 15 points.

At the end of the game the winning team can compete in the Pachyderm Paycheck Challenge in order to double or triple their listener’s winnings.  A large constructed elephant is brought into the room and a player from the winning team must stick their head up it’s rectum and route around all the brown muck for a paycheck.

Memorable Moments:

When Bry and Q find out the listener they are playing for is Gitem’s girlfriend they call foul.

During the first multiple I Sell Comics multiple choice Elephant question, Walt “accidentally leaves off choice D, none of the above forcing a physical challenge or podcast.

Commercial Break 1:  Q’s Brews by Shawn S Sealer and 13%ers by Gina Mastrostefano

I Sell Comics opts for the physical challenge.  Mike must eat a greater volume of a head of lettuce than Gitem in a one minute time frame.

Commercial Break 2:  New TESD Movies by Robert Rogers and Eugene’s Tasties by Harris Khan

Bry and Q compete in a physical challenge where Q has to fit more circus peanuts in his mouth than Gitem in 1 minute.

Commercial Break 3:  The Bottle Dump Warrior by Jesus Manet and Animated Fair-re-re tale theater by Kieran O-Sullivan

Commercial Break 4:  Dyslexia the Board Game by Chuck Staton and Brad Rohrer

A one minute speed round of Dyslexia is played where Walt reads a clue and both teams have the opportunity to buzz in to give a correct answer.  5 points are awarded for each correct answer.  Watching Bry and Q’s defeated and aggravated expressions is the highlight of the show.

Commercial Break 5:  Animated Adventures of Baron Von Flanagan by Miles P Standish, Collingswood Auction by Kawsmoe Naut, and TESD town Ants hockey by Chunder Toons.

Commercial Break 6:  Trailer for Scream Baron Scream, a horror film featuring Baron Von Flanagan and Dollah Shave versus monsters by Walt Flanagan and Chuck Staton

Q refuses to compete in the Pachyderm Paycheck Challenge for fear of ruining his “500 dollar” shirt and makes Gitem step up to the plate.

Music:

THE COCHLEAR ALBUM II

Pod Description:

The TESD Cochlear Album 2: Pan’s Poison is now available at http://tesdimplants2.bandcamp.com for only $2.99 or whatever else you can spare. All proceeds go directly towards helping an FDNY member’s child. It’s also a really good, essential #TESD episode.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I said plutonium not aluminum” -Bry

“You’re not gonna take a dump on Oz’s grave?” – Walt

“Adam should have kept his pimp hand strong?” – Bry

“he wanted to be the umero nuno on the team, they made him umero…they did everything”  – Walt

Games Played:

Memorable Moments:

TESD is the GOAT of bonus pods.

Q is a proud American and hates betrayal to the country more than personal betrayal.

Can Dogs and Cats be traitors?  Walt likes to think so.

Stories of betrayal from the Ants.

TESD talk about their favorite traitors.  Bry talks about the Rosenbergs, Q talks about Bennedict Arnold, and Walt talks about Kovalchuk who ruined his love of hockey.

Adam and Eve were the original traitors.  Q talks about Adam’s first wife Lilith who became a Susscabus.

Opiods and painkillers discussed.

 

 

TESD XMAS 2017: Space Monkeys Save Christmas

Pod Description:

Visit https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/tell-em-steve-dave-x-mas-2017/

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Father Lance

Chris Laudando

Sunday Jeff

Frank #5

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Mike Zapcic

Troy

Joe Gatto

Brian Maxwell

Joey Fatone

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“It looks like its counting down to some time in March, must be something Romantic” Bry about the tower on the TESD website.

“What do you mean you’re a Deacon? I put my Deacon (Dick in) Mike!” Bry as Ming.

“Some liberal rag, some liberal rag, liberal? Some liberal rag, some liberal? liberal? Some LIberal Rag, is that right?” Q has a stroke.

“Now I have a machine gun, Ho Ho Ho” Ming quoting Die Hard

Games Played:

Dyslexia

Newlywed Style Game with Mr. and Mrs. 5

Memorable Moments:

Joey Fatone acts as narrator as the Space Monkeys Save Christmas after Santa’s untimely death by nuclear assault. Bry and Q take up the mantle of gift giver going house to house in TESD town judging the residents on whether they are naughty or nice.

Q borrows the TruTV Turner Flying Sleigh to get the job done. Reports differ if it is gas powered or Reindeer powered.

Even on Christmas Bryan can’t bring Walt a real Overkill topic, as he tells the story of a gruesome murder on Christmas.

J-Sarge is named Santa Bry’s official elf as he is grotesquely short.

The first stop of the night is Father Lance, who is proven to be slothful as he has not yet fixed his leaky bathtub and gets on the naughty list.

Chris Laudando forgoes World Peace in favor of a walk on appearance on IJ.

Sunday Jeff discovers the true meaning of Christmas is Rankin and Bass specials.

Frank 5 and Mrs. 5 play a quick round of Newly Wed game to get themselves on the Nice List.

Walt gets the tables turned on him as Bry and Q test him and Sunday Jeff to dyslexia. Walt is enjoying it until the clue Happy Hamburger for Frankinsence sends him into a spiral.

Bry Walt and Q leave Father Lance, Sunday Jeff, Chris Laudando and the 5s and meet up with Troy as he is in a standoff with Joe Gatto still driving the stolen ambulance from 2016. Troy is judged nice despite supporting a Santa Sweat Shop.

Gitem is the next stop and the judging is derailed when the extent of Gitem’s hoarding is discovered.

The final stop on the way is Mike’s house where they run into both him and Ming, wearing matching PJs Mike the bottoms, Ming the top.

Music:

Senior Discount – Christmas Medley

 

TESD Live at The Gramercy Theater

Pod Description:

For the first time witness Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave Live on stage! On film! In HD!

Over 2 hours of live footage filmed at the legendary New York Gramercy Theatre. Starring Brian Quinn, Bryan Johnson and Walt Flanagan, and featuring TESD favorites Git ‘Em Steve-Dave, Ming Chen, Sal Vulcano and Sunday Jeff.

This landmark film includes both TESD Gramercy shows recorded on July 15, 2016, as well as the NEVER SEEN BEFORE Bonus Footage of Episode 300: Git’Em To The Chapel! You do not want to miss this!

Buy it at https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/tesd-live-gramercy-theatre/

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Sal Vulcano

Brian Maxwell

LED Soundsystem

 

Quotes:

“When Declan hears this, he knows he’s out of a job” Walt about Q’s thunder tube.

“It’s like having a fever, when you get all those weird dreams but without the aches and pains” – Walt about working with Gitem.

“Who the fuck makes this game? Donald Trump?” – Sal

“Gitem was right about me” – Q

Games Played:

Roll a Role

 

Reoccurring Segment:

Overkill

Baron Von Flanagan

Memorable Moments:

 

This video contains two separate Live TESDs recorded at the Gramercy Theater.

First Live Show:

Walt’s vision of the dramatic stage show “Talking Dead” comes to life as Q and Bry enter in cult robes carrying their own lynched puppets. Baron Von Flanagan enters in top hat and cape as all three spit blood upon the audience.

During the Baron Von Flanagan segment Bry and Q provide Thunder and Lightning with a thunder tube and a strobe light.

Gitem and LED SoundSystem perform “Day in the Life” live.

Sunday Jeff arrives wearing all Khakis.

Bry regales the audience with the traumatic trip to the show with him Walt, Gitem, and Sunday Jeff almost getting sideswiped by a van and the constant bickering.

Walt and Gitem come up with a mantra to ensure they remember whether or not they’ve locked the front door, a problem that has caused Walt and Mike numerous sleepless nights.

Sal and Ming join the table for a game of Roll a Role. During the role play no one can keep track of who is male or female or what the topic of choice is.

Bry tells a Why Bry story, where he replies to an email from the digital producer of AMC asking for the guys to compile a comic “pull list”. Bryan’s answer to her is sexually explicit and vulgar.

Second Live Show:

The second show begins in much the same way as the first however with Sunday Jeff and Ming as the cultists this time around. Bryan Johnson is nowhere to be found until he comes hustling up the aisle wearing a Dominoes shirt and “the tightest dickies”.

There is now a bottle of Jameson in front of Q, despite claiming to Walt he doesn’t drink at live shows anymore.

The Baron brings more mind blowing facts. Bry admits wanting to have a baby duckling imprint on him so it thinks he’s it’s dad and they go on adventures.

The second show turns into an overkill episode as Gitem Ming Chen and Sunday Jeff join the table to riotous chants of Sunday Jeff.

Walt’s overkill topic is about an Independent Presidential candidate Andrew D. Bisaggio who claims to be a time traveler who has witnessed Lincolns assassination twice. He promises to share the technology and put Bigfoot on the endangered species list.

Ming has an overkill topic about Chinese Ant Eating therapy which is said to have brought the Ming Dynasty emperor a long life.

Bry’s topic is about Pokemon Go being tied to satanic and Illuminati symbols.

Q has a speed round of 7 quick overkill topics.

Gitem is able to communicate with parrots using the John Williams score of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Sunday Jeff has a story about a man who received a donated heart falls in love with the mans widow and ends up dying the same way as the first man.

TESD TV

Pod Description:

It’s here! Bryan, Walt, Q, Gitem, and Sunday Jeff in this all original never before heard/seen episode of TESD. This pod is interlaced with animation and features the debut of the much anticipated game show: Quinn It To Win It. With your purchase you will receive:

• TESD T.V. Full Feature
• TESD T.V. Outtakes
• Bonus Audio Pod: Quinn It To Win It

Buy it at https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/tesd-tv/ 

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Mentioned Person:

Harris Khan

Sal

Frank 3

Frank 5

Frank 2

Courage My Love

EK Morris

Chris Laudando

Quotes:

“They’re making the special Olympics easier and easier every year” Q

“Bryan Johnson, it says here you have no interests” – Walt as a game show host introducing the contestants.

“Its a trans-Atlantic Ball Suckin'” – Gitem as Q

“Oooh I got bettah things to do, look at you hairy Mooks. I’m trying to become Metro-Erectus Q and get more ladies for da tribe.” Gitem as Homo Erectus Q.

“Is there a reason why Mike’s not here? Did you not invite him for a reason?” -Q

“Cut That” Walt under his breath.

Games Played:

You Gotta B-Quinn it to Win it

Game 1 Quinn on Quinn Violence. Q will debate a topic against the contestant acting as Q with Walt awarding points as he sees fit.

Game 2 Stop the Quinnsanity- An improve game where all three contestants interact with one another. Walt gives prompts along the way awards points as he sees fit.

Reoccurring Segment:

Memorable Moments:

This video pod is enhanced with cartoon vignettes animated by Harris Khan. Originally recorded in August 2015.

Walt, Bry, Q, Sunday Jeff, Gitem, and Ming all pitch 3 unique television shows for air in TESD Town.

Monday Night programming by Sunday Jeff.

8:00 show – Gitem Up starring Gitem as the worlds first Horse PI solving crimes at the race track.

9:00 show – Unfantasy Bryland which is “very similar” to Fantasy Island but everything always goes wrong. Bry plays the lead Ricardo Montelban role with Ming as his Tatoo.

10:00 show – TESD Sports Present Monday Night Indoor League. Walt and Sunday Jeff are the color commentators presenting the Lingere bowl.

Tuesday Night programming is proposed by Walt.

8:00 – Dollah Shave Power Hour. An animated program featuring Dollah Shave and his snobby British robot dog Honky fighting bad guys such as Hickler and the Gitem Man. The power hour also features Qubed where a young BQ and his living stuffed cat Mr. Whiskers go on adventures in the Staten Zone rescuing Princess Jennifuh from the tribe of Scooter Dudes. The final show in the power hour is SargeL18 and Princess Telequhua going on adventures in the vortex.

9:00 show- May I Be Frank? A reality competition show where a contestant must complete several disgusting tasks to become a new Frank #.

10:00 show – The Phantasmagoric World of Baron Von Flanagan, a twilight zone-esque show with the Baron as host.

Wednesday night programming presented by Gitem.

8:00 show – Bottle Pickers. Gitem goes to peoples properties to dig up trash in their back yard looking for things to sell at the flea market.

9:00 show – Mista Whiska which is show based on Mr. Ed with BQ having a talking cat that likes to cause mischief.

10:00 show – T.E.S.D.S.I. which is a crime procedural set in TESD town where Walt, Bry, and Q are lawyers trying to get Ming out of jail for smuggling.

Thursday Night programming is provided by Q.

8:00 show – Q, too. A more responsible 41 year old Q must put up with his rambunctious early 20s counterpart who has drunkenly fallen through a time portal.

9:00 show – Asshole Homeless Dude. A deadly virus is set to wipe out the human population but the only one with an immunity is a huge prick and in return for giving a cure he is assigned a get out of jail free card where no laws apply to him.

10:30 show (to avoid competing with IJ) – Double O Gitem, an adventure program with Gitem as the super spy.

Friday programming by Bryan.

9:00 show – Gitem Good, another crime show starring Gitem where he is an acclaimed detective who after a near death experience is visited by the ghost of Frank 2. who helps with him solve crime.

10:00 show – Fat News followed by the Arbitrary Arbiter where judge Walt passes judgment without any rule or reason like how he moderates his games.

11:00 show – Brian Quinn Time Gigolo a sexy Sci Fi romp where Q bangs his way through history.

Saturday programming is supplied by Ming.

8:00 show – Sunday Jeff is the coach and general manager of a Indoor League lingerie bowl team and must deal with weekly drama on and off the field.

9:00 show – a hidden camera program called Zapped, where Mike plays pranks on an unsuspecting public.

10:00 show – Puck Nuts, a drama filled program of 4 former hockey players who become sports commentators and face network pressure to be the number one sports show.

Sunday programming is 3 hours of the worlds next favorite game show “You Gotta Quinn it to Win it”

During the “You Gotta B-Quinn it to Win it” bonus audio it is revealed that Gitem’s boss at the race track is still criticizing him for his pins and his Secret Stash sweat shirt and that Gitem won a marathon in his age class at summer camp, for being the only one in his age group.

Q proclaims he IS still an average Joe because he had to clean his own bed after his cat shit and pissed all over it and didn’t even get a discount at Bed Bath and Beyond due to his celebrity.

Caveman Q, Neanderthal Q, and Homo Erectus Q try to advance their society.

Gitem is awarded the crown, a flat cap in the style Q always wears, and he immediately clips his LED sign onto it.

Music: