#475: King Thong

*Featured image by BSJett

Pod Description:

This week they talk about camping, Three’s Company, shrimp tails and whale tails.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Sunday Jeff

Quotes:

“My father and I shared a bedroom” – Git’em

“Who’s happy for fish day?” – Bryan

“Can we talk?” – Sunday Jeff as Joan Rivers

“I learned it from you Mom!”- Bry as Git’em trying to stop his Dad’s snoring

“I’m susceptible to nature’s defenses” – Walt

“They might accentuate things.” – Git’em defends his thong.

“Can your silence be bought? Fuck Yeah!” – Walt

“It’s like if you told somebody your birthday was a different day than it was and got people to play along, it would be gaslighting.” – Git’em

“You are definitely on steroids.” – Walt to Sunday Jeff

“Do they even need a lift at Toyota anymore or do they just call you.” – Git’em to Sunday Jeff

“He’s a bit of an asshole isn’t he.” – Bry about God.

Memorable Moments:

Q is absent as he is taking a vacation. Walt claims Sunday Jeff is the Joan Rivers to Q’s Johnny Carson as a permanent sit in.

Git’em and his father once shared a one bedroom apartment. He would try to get his father to stop snoring by pinching his nose shut.

Bryan suggests the Sunday Jeff Show do an episode where they all go camping. Everyone seems on board. Sunday Jeff went camping at Lake Ontario once where he was recognized by a random forest hillbilly. Walt insists some Deliverance scene was about to take place. Git’em owns a hammock tent which leads Walt to ask about banana hammocks. Git’em admits he once bought one on clearance at Target.

Former SmodCo host Jensen Karp, who was responsible for the first late TESD drop, has gotten his 15 minutes of fame from finding shrimp tails in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Jensen is an example of a Milk Shake Duck when past girlfriends come forward claiming he was manipulative and abusive.

Other instances of horrific food finds include a lady who found a finger in her Wendy’s chili and a penis in the soup.

Walt is taught the meaning of the phrase “Gaslighting”.

Sunday Jeff is getting ripped and shares his work out routine. He sadly reflects he is not a vascular guy and doesn’t have popping veins.

Bryan asks Twitter who they prefer of the two landlords on Three’s Company Roper or Furley. This leads to a discussion of spin-offs of successful sitcoms where the person leaves a good thing to gamble on their own star power.

A hypothetical of who Sunday Jeff would confide in if he could talk to dead people. This leads to a discussion of the afterlife and the guy’s religious beliefs. Is permanent death when the last person who remembers you dies? Comic Book Men reruns on Pluto TV might be the key to immortality.

Frank 5 Day is looking to be much bigger than Walt expected with lots of special guests stopping by. Walt pleads the ants to keep low expectations.

Walt is likewise maintaining low expectations for Kong vs Godzilla.

#474: Retell’Em Steve Dave: Part Two

*Featured image by TESDTown

Pod Description:

The boys talk about days of olde with Kev Smith.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Kevin Smith

Quotes:

“You wanna take over the government?” – Kevin

“In fact, don’t ask me for photos.” -Q

“You gotta join the TezDee kids in TezDee town.” – Kevin

“They went in deep and hard and fast with no lubricant” -Kevin

“Balls deep son.” – Bry

I didn’t let any tears come out of these duckets.” – Walt

“It was like I was on coke!” – Walt watching Tom Brady beat the Falcons.

“Git’er done GOAT!” – Walt

“Git’em, Walter your son is fucking shit up!” – Kevin

“This is what happened when Ben got with J-Lo, you got married and became a fancy boy!” -Kevin to Bry

“If this image was on my coffin I’d be proud to be dead.” – Bry

“Sunday Jeff is a real talent, it might look like he’s comatose.” – Walt

“I’m glad that you love me, but I get that everywhere. What I need from you is sex.” – Kevin to Jen

“There’s no fear, only judgment.” – Q about Walt

Memorable Moments:

Continued from Part 1 SmodCast #440 Part 3 found at SmodCast #441.

Walt’s love of Tom Brady is dissected and compared to Kevin’s admiration of Wayne Gretzky. Walt maintains that he’s never been brought to tears from Tom’s triumphs, although a comeback victory against Atlanta came close. Walt believes he could be a good addition to Tom Brady’s crew and could talk him out of posting dubious things like kissing his son or father. Walt admits that he first started liking Tom Brady and Tim Tebow just to be a contrarian but has honestly begun to admire them.

A scrapped Comic Book Men banter involved a Flash Gordon scenario of which real world athlete the guys would believe capable of saving the world from aliens. Of course Walt said Tom Brady.

Kevin Smith was always surprised when Comic Book Men was renewed for additional seasons since they buried it in the middle of the night with no reruns. The only time he thought it was a shoe-in was after his heart attack but that’s when it was finally axed. Walt suspects it was for insurance reasons not wanting Kev to drop dead during filming. It’s revealed the AMC crew got awesome beach front rental homes during the shoot. Could Comic Book Men be saved if it got the same level of replay that Impractical Jokers does on TruTV? Kevin is on board with Q using his clout to reboot Comic Book Men.

Walt insists that Bryan’s wedding would have made for a great finale of Tell’em Steve Dave.

Are the Patreon exclusive gifts getting to become KISS level of slapping logos on everything?

Walt discusses how he likes to encourage the creativity and star power of others in Patreon, making Sunday Jeff and Frank 5 into hosts.

Q tells of his father working on a subway car nick named “The Meat Train” for how many suicidal people threw themselves on the tracks.

Kevin reveals that him and Walt got into the first real argument they’ve had in years when Walt confronted Kev on his daily use of weed. Kevin defends his habit by linking weed to every creative thing that has come his way in the past decade. Comic Book Men came from a smoke session with an AMC exec. Kevin believes fake Walt should have gotten an Emmy for his acting on CBM.

#473: Keep it De-real

*Featured image by Mike Duyn

Pod Description:

Q gives a Covid update, passwords, immortality, and yellow cardinals.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“Dude not even I’m riled up. If I’m not riled up no one’s riled up.” – Bry

“I think everybody needs drugs except me.” – Walt

“I’ll just FaceTime you during every shit I take, just in case.” – Q

“If they want you to put your head in a plastic bag, do it.” -Q

“Dr. Quinn, Medicine Man.” – Bry

“Funky Cold Moderna” – Walt

“I’m ready to move in just in case it happens.” – Bry

“Everybody in this situation, Fuck Off!” – Q

“You got COVID and they have you out there doing soft shoe!” – Bry to Q

“Sorry Carol Quinn, looks like your time’s up.” – Q

Memorable Moments:

Q checks in with an update on his health recovering from COVID. He says some days he feels fine and other days are hell and people should do everything in their power to avoid it. Because the virus can cause blood clots his doctors are prescribing intense testing due to his history of stroke.

Bryan self diagnoses himself with depersonalization disorder as he often feels like an observer to his own life.

Walt’s new full time job seems to be finding articles online to intrigue Q.

Bryan stops taking his rage medication as it slows his metabolism making him gain weight. Doctor puts him on Lithium instead. Will this lead to emo Bryan writing grunge songs? He is having trouble getting a refill for his Adderall due to healthcare red tape. Quinn could come to his rescue.

Q gets dose one of the Moderna vaccine. Both the 5s had it and Mrs. 5 had a bad reaction where Frank had to help her go to the bathroom for a week due to fatigue. Walt says he would be Q’s go to man if he needs help since he is semi retired. Bry suggests he could move in to be a full time bathroom attendant.

UK Green Party member Baroness Jones demands a 6pm curfew for men following the disappearance of a young woman. Not even Bryan can get riled up about this as it is so preposterous and out there.

TESD talks about the Oprah interview with Harry and Meghan, the former royals. Q, the resident UK expert has no love or interest in the Royal family. Q said out of all the Royals he could see him being friends with Harry the most, Walt thinks William has a stick up his ass bigger than he does. If Q was in Harry’s place and his wife told him to leave the life of luxury he would kick her to the curb.

Walt comes to the realization that he is retired, Bryan tells him you get used to doing nothing.

Walt reads an article about the hypothetical Dyson Sphere, which could make someone immortal. Because of all the footage and recording between the podcast and their TV shows an AI could realistically recreate their personalities just like an episode of Black Mirror. Q says that’s just like his life now, being drug out from death for someone else’s entertainment.

A rare yellow cardinal has been spotted in Illinois. How is this news?

Netflix is cracking down on password sharing. Bry doesn’t give Walt access to Maribeth’s mom’s Disney+ account. Walt suggests buying accounts for all the streaming apps through the company card so they can write it off as a business expense.

Q enjoys the new CW show Superman and Lois saying it’s classic Supes.

Q and Walt underwhelmed at the Wandavision finale. Q sides with the SWORD agent just doing his job against a literal super terrorist Wanda.

Should I Buy Comics be rebranded as The Gatekeepers?

May 2nd will be the first TESD celebration day at the General Store as Frank 5 comes for a Meet and Greet

#472: Senility Smiles

*Featured image by Adem Kaan

Pod Description:

The Johnson’s “celebrate” Pam’s 75th. Sunday Jeff divulges the secret to everlasting youth. The Chinese get down and dirty.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Sunday Jeff

Git’em Steve Dave

Quotes:

“If I get a little fat in my mouth, also no good.” – Walt

“You like the asshole?” – Bry

“They need your fecal matter, Sunday.” – Bry

“Middle age has been redefined by great men, like Tom Brady and Tom Cruise” – Walt

“I wasn’t hanging out with floozies” – Git’em

“Just because they come out with no teeth doesn’t mean they’re yours.” – Walt

“I’m taking on all your carbon footprints.” – Walt

“My wife says it doesn’t have enough balls for her.” -Walt

“The AMC name has really fallen by the wayside since Comic Book Men was taken off the air.” – Walt

“When did you stop rooting for the little guy?” – Bry

“You’re playing with Boccilism.” – Sunday Jeff

“Where’s my steak patty.” – Bry as Walt

“We’re not high falutin, do you got hat Pierre?” -Walt to Char waiter.

Memorable Moments:

Sunday Jeff and Git’em sit in with Bry and Walt.

Bryan reads an article saying that middle age now goes from 35-44 for early middle age and 45-64 for late middle age. Git’em feels his biological clock ticking away.

Git’em reminisces about the night he got his teeth knocked out and how things could have gone differently if he didn’t go to that pool party with his ex. Walt confuses the blind guy that she left Git’em for with Matt Murdoch believing him to be a lawyer.

Sunday Jeff says the secret to his boyishness is watching cartoons and age is just a number. Git’em says the physical state of your body has to have an effect.

Walt doesn’t know how old his mom is. Darin plans an elaborate birthday party for Pam’s 75th birthday by renting out an entire theater to screen “The Thing”. Bry offers to buy the concessions but the popcorn is all burnt and the soda machine is out of order causing them to be 20 minutes late to the screening. No one at the theater tries to make amends. Bry thinks Pam is going senile as she comments how true to the original the movie was despite it being a 30 year old film.

Git’em also suffers poor customer service when he tries to get a refund on chicken cutlets with egg shells mixed in the breading. Walt wonders when he will stop buying nearly expired food.

During a commercial for Magic Spoon Git’em reveals the dark truth about Frosten Flakes and Corn Flakes having the same sugar content. Walt says he can not abide pancakes, maple syrup or bacon. Q was once laid out for days after eating an ungodly amount of bacon. Git’em has made bacon brownies.

Walt continues to defend Denny’s as the greatest steak he has ever had even compared to the upscale restaurant Char. Walt and family fled half way through dinner to go to Friendly’s when using a gift card Bryan got them.

China makes anal swabs for COVID mandatory, Bryan imagines a world where his job is to administer the test.

Walt gets into the Beatles for the first time and remembers Marc Costello saying there was only two people in the world; People who like the Beatles and people who don’t know they like the Beatles. Jeff likes Ringo because he starred in a Caveman movie.

#471: Poppin’ Da Cherry

*Featured image by Adam NishMa

Pod Description:

Bry, Walt & Q try out their new studio for the first time and talk about tossing trophies, Sucking Wandavision weiner and hermaphroditic birds.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“No you’re entirely in your right. We are white males past 50.” – Bry

“People are upset about this?” – Q “Just Bryan.” – Walt

“I know but here’s the thing, I have neither children nor French bulldogs. I’m like bring the crazy shit on, what’s the worst that can happen, I’ll be dead in 40 years.” – Q

“Yeah man, I’m transgendered.” – Bry

“If they can’t live without some human cutting them open to get the babies, it seems like an evolutionary misstep.” – Q

“We gotta ask a couple questions, Lady GaGa.” – Bry as the cops

“If it’s Git’em walking Cooper I’m like ‘How’s Cooper?'” – Walt

“I’m not sure this isn’t a publicity stunt to get her name in the news.” – Walt

“They should have canceled him, they should have destroyed his life.” -Walt

“If he drops it he’ll just win another one to replace it. ” -Q about Tom Brady

“I had to push him out of the way, I want some of that dick.” – Walt about Kev’s love of Wandavision.

“How many people committed suicide due to Mr. Potato Head?” – Bry

“Suddenly I’m trying to cross the Brooklyn Bridge and there’s a bunch of clones holding signs?” – Q

“And you wonder why we aren’t selling them?” – Q about the mini-skulls.

Memorable Moments:

This is the first pod recorded at the new TESD General Store and Podcast Space at 65 Broad Street. Video available at Patreon.

Q is COVID free but feeling some longer lasting effects which thankfully haven’t affected his new, less active, life style.

Lady GaGa’s French Bulldogs were stolen after the dog-nappers shot the dog walker 4 times. Walt claims he must be much more careful with Cooper due to how in-demand the breed is. They are apparently so rare and expensive because their litter size is so small and require C-Section surgeries to deliver the pups. Bry wonders if Lady GaGa’s first thoughts were for her dogs or the human being who was shot. She offers $500k reward for the dog’s return with no questions asked. Walt says that French Bulldog’s are the “in” dog breed because they are the closest thing to human babies with none of the responsibility.

The TESD General Store just might be the first brick and mortar podcast store, just like they were the first podcast on vinyl. A guest on Bryan’s other radio show “Would You Kindly” erroneously says he has released the first ever podcast on vinyl and the Twitter Ants swarm to call him out.

The TESD Ants attempt to get Tom Brady’s attention on Twitter by getting #BradyTESD trending. Walt says the effort is appreciated but ultimately he is glad Tom Brady didn’t respond as he’d be too nervous to talk to him.

Q was worried he looked like a creeper as he passed by the same attractive young lady three times while circling the new Stash looking for a parking spot.

The daughter of the designer of the Lombardi Trophy is demanding an apology from Tom Brady for how he disrespected her father’s legacy by tossing it around during the boat parade.

TESD discusses the Disney+ show WandaVision.

An extremely rare hermaphroditic cardinal is found in Eerie, Pennsylvania. Walt posits this is a sign from God to not be so shitty about gender issues. The Potato Head brand is dropping the gendered titles Mr. and Mrs. Walt believes this is great PR for getting a dying brand in the news cycle.

A rare breed of endangered ferret has been cloned. Is humanity playing God? The ferrets were given COVID vaccines before some humans. Ethics of human cloning discussed.

Illinois to fine people for selling GTA5 to minors. Rise in carjacking blamed on this 10 year old game.

Walt has stepped down from managing the Secret Stash and is remaining on as Chairman Emeritus. Mike Z will now be handling the day to day. Walt’s true feelings about the Prussian Kissing Mini Skulls is revealed.

Gina Carano should have just kept quiet to avoid being fired from Disney. She threw away that Star Wars money.

#470: The Cult of Tom

*Featured image by @mingchen37

Pod Description:

Q is back in the pink, Bry has wanderlust, Bry and Q watch Flashdance.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“I was like, I wanted to see Chris Penn dance!” – Q

“He was walking around without a shirt on for really a weirdly amount of time”- Walt

“Dude you might chub up, look out.” – Bry

“Now they’re just clowning us.” Q about double masks vs one adequately thick mask.

“I’ll be like Jason in movie 2” – Q

“Knock wood, I feel like Frank 5 has roach-like qualities about him.” – Bry

“What do you think of your Golden Boy now?” – Walt as people online

“I wish I had that kind of juice to be like ‘Deb I’m comin home in two hours. Make sure there’s no workers there.'” – Walt

“If I just throw these in the lake it’ll all go away.” – Bry

“Your parking space is your birthright.” – Bry

“We got Sunday Jeff that’s all the sexiness we need, we got Git’em!” – Walt

“Go on your porn sites like urban outfitters if you want to see that shit.” – Walt

“Society has never been able to put a saddle on Bryan Johnson.” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Q presumed to be COVID free after two weeks isolation. He believes he will continue wearing masks indefinitely as they give him a semblance of anonymity in public. Q is not alone in TESD-Town as COVID survivors as both Frank 5 and Tom Miloszewski have had it.

Bry and Q remember the creepiness of peep show booths and guys whipping it out in full view of several other men.

Ming has been pushing R&H beer weekly on social media. Walt even poses with a can during the most recent Puck Nuts recording. Tom Brady was celebrating hard during the parade, Walt says Q should photoshop some R&H into his hands. Walt says Tom Brady’s body is so pure that only a single sip of beer could get him loaded, just like how Bruce Lee was killed by aspirin.

Q says he is ready to join the cult of Tom.

Would Bryan be willing to become a scientologist if they promised him he would be as big as Tom Cruise? Q has a friend who did plumbing work at Tom Cruise’s house and there were strict rules in place where no one would ever interact with him.

Bry apologizes for calling Pam a pathological liar, saying she only lies to avoid being wrong about something. Pam once hid bills from the IRS from Bryan to avoid him getting upset.

Bry sees a video online of a guy killing his neighbors over a small dispute involving shoveling snow. Bry recalls all the neighbors he’s feuded with over his lifetime. Parking spots are a point of huge contention in the town of Highlands. Walt glad his mom no longer has to worry about other people parking in front of her house now that she has her own driveway.

The new webstore and brick and mortar set to open in last week of February. The TESD General Store wooden sign is donated by Ant Justin Christensen

Git’em is like a regular Bob Villa working around the store. Sunday Jeff walking around shirtless after getting in shape. Q suggests a Sunday Jeff workout video as done by Chuck Staton.

Walt gifted a 500 dollar KFC giftcard but is unable to use it when the clerk doesn’t believe it.

Bry looking for a mental health holiday to warmer climates.

Watching Flash Dance with today’s eyes is a strange experience. Walt believes Q looks like Kenny Loggins. Q admits he’s a big fan of Yacht Rock to Walt’s amazement.

#469: Qovid

*Featured image by @ericthemason

Pod Description:

Walt visits the post office. Bry and Walt consider a plowing business and reminisce about an old job.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“You gonna come here and give me a handjob?” – Q

“Lotta people must be poppin’ boners” – Bry

“They don’t ever come!” – Walt

“You really look good, I was expecting Tom Hanks in Philadelphia”- Walt to Q.

“I’ve been living with this for a year, a man of my stature!” – Q about his broken sofa.

“Sickness is a sign of weakness, so you hide it.” – Q

“Tim isn’t given to hyperbole like ol’ SargeL” – Bry

“1980s prices for friends.” – Q

“The other day on Twitter I said ‘Who’s the potato chip now'” – Bry to Q

“I think Karma is blind like Lady Justice, bro.” – Walt

“Don’t ever let the job get to you, don’t change. You have a pure soul.” – Walt to his favorite postal worker.

“Is nasal as good as anal?” – Q

“That’s a lot of abuse on the caboose.” – Q

Memorable Moments:

Q reveals he’s contracted COVID, presumably by shopping at a furniture store. Walt bemoans burning bridges with Burrow so Q could have ordered online. Walt reveals that both Tim the Record Store Clerk and SargeL18 have had and recovered from COVID. SargeL tells Walt that it is most certainly a bioengineered virus designed to kill within 48 hours.

Walt and Bry suffer through more snow shoveling. Walt looks into buying a snow plow blade to help with the task and is shocked at how expensive they are. He says he would put it on his Prius and just leave it on year long. He says he’d even plow out Q and Bry for cut rate prices.

Bry gets a message from Mack Weldon that someone from Q’s camp allegedly contacted them demanding free sweat pants and got quite irate when they refused. Q denies these allegations.

Sage turns 15 this week. Bry recalls an incident where she wears pajamas to her virtual classroom and while dancing in band class forgets she’s on camera absentmindedly flashes her class. Walt remembers a time Bry got him a job working with severely handicapped teenagers and within the first hour he had to change a 15 year old girl’s diaper. Walt quit soon thereafter.

Walt records an interaction at a post office where a worker is irate that someone keeps stealing the flat-rate shipping boxes and mistakenly thinks he is the culprit.

Bryan begins to realize Maribeth will likely have a whole second life after he’s dead and starts to resent her youth.

A soccer coach is fired for using the term “rape” as a sport’s metaphor. Walt sheepishly admits he’s been guilty of this in the past as well. Q says he uses it as a metaphor for contract negotiations.

#468: Orange Man

*Featured image by @AntKoolaid

Pod Description:

Capitol riots, hunting Bigfoot and the Super Bowl

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“We treat McDonald’s like they’re fuckin’ war criminals!” – Walt

“That cock was so great it was worth killing for.” – Walt

“I don’t know how you can force a monkey to do anything it doesn’t want to do.” – Walt

“I eat so many oranges a day I’m like a monkey in a cage.” – Q

“Do you find you are jonesing for your tangerine fix?” – Bry

“Can’t go cold turkey on oranges, you guys are fuckin nuts.” – Walt

“The people that stormed the capitol are kinda, let’s just say dingbatty.” – Q

“I’d rather be known as the guy that proved Bigfoot existed than be the guy from Impractical Jokers.” – Q

“It didn’t work out for Jimmy the Greek in 1980, it’s not gonna be good for you in 2021. Just let this one go buddy.” – Q to Bry

“I dunno, I like a nice family tragedy.” – Bry

“The devil’s apple is really a peach, or what’s that thing we used? A fig.” – Walt

“It’s a crooked mind sitting in a crooked house.” – Q about Bry

Memorable Moments:

A virtual Q claims he lost 4 pounds just by cutting out oranges, which he used to have a dozen per day. Walt thinks Q should be the new spokesman for oranges after the homophobic Anita Jane Bryant has been canceled.

The capitol riot is discussed. The rioters are so anti-mask that they don’t even wear a mask while committing treason. An 18 year old kid snitches on his dad for his participation in the riot after the man threatens to kill them.

Oklahoma lawmakers want to sell Bigfoot hunting license. What would Q do if he accidentally killed a Bigfoot? Does the corpse belong to you or can the government claim it.

Walt defends McDonald’s. Q purchases old Burger King ash trays. Bry knew a guy who stole a case of burger patties and then tossed them in a lake to get rid of the evidence.

Bry and Q remember the tale of Key West lighthouse keepers who would purposefully lead ships to wreck so they could claim the bounty.

Walt claims to be of Greek ancestry and has had enough of the gay bath house jokes. Jimmy the Greek was the first example of cancel culture after his comments of Black Athletes and selective breeding.

Bryan and Q watching murder documentaries. It is discussed that money and pussy are the oldest motives for killing, but you never really see a woman kill for a dude.

Bry imagines what would happen if Pam went to bed the night before Bry’s wedding to find Edgar dead from auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Bry believes he has difficulty trusting women because of the pathological liars he’s endured in his life.

Tom Brady is on his way to his 10th Super Bowl. Q revels in how he keeps winning football pools with his old firehouse.

Target drops coconut water made with slave monkey laborers.

#467: Swan Song

*Featured image by Alex and Victor Juarez

Pod Description:

Bry, Walt and Q get melancholy when they record for the last time
in the Secret Stash. Also, giant wieners.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“We’ll get’em monogrammed!” – Walt about new podcasting chairs.

“Did you lose a bet to Frank 5 or something” – Q about Frank 5 celebration day.

“Double dip on this fucker!” – Walt

“They can pry it from my cold dead hands!” – Walt about the secret bathroom key.

“This felt has soaked up so many laughs.” – Walt

“Fuck the pandemic, it’s the three Barons!” – Walt

“I’ve got a marching band on retainer.” – Walt about the many celebrations he has planned.

“Paintings can’t be gay, Bryan.” – Bry as Maribeth.

“Holland has wooden shoes, how bout we get a giant fuckin’ dick!” – Bryan

“Do you remember when the cartoons were just two robots fighting each other?” – Q

“Oh he’s a hero because he put his dick back in his pants?” – Q

“I’ve been busted plenty, but never like this.” – Bry

“So it hears all those things I say about Mexicans?” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

This is the last episode of TESD recorded at 35 Broad Street, Red Bank, NJ. Would it be pretentious to call it the end of an era? Q thinks it ranks right up there with the fall of the Roman Empire. Walt reveals he will keep using the secret bathroom Mike confiscated a key to since it is professionally cleaned and he doesn’t see Mike or Git’em being too diligent in lavatory upkeep.

Bry asks if the old Poker Table will make its way to the new location. He’s not terribly attached to it saying they could upgrade to something more professional. Walt sees it as a security blanket to give him comfort in the new space as to not be just a soulless corporate entity.

Walt has an idea to celebrate a different citizen of TESD Town once a month where Ants could come in for a meet and greet with each. He suggests in October to have all three Barons there for a Halloween special.

The 10 year anniversary event that was postponed until 2021 due to COVID has been officially cancelled as the promoter doesn’t see a way it will be possible to host even this year and in no way would it be profitable even if they allowed 50% capacity.

The Union Beach Popeye’s restaurant has 3 hour long lines every time Walt drives by, despite the fact there are other Popeye’s in the area that aren’t nearly as busy.

Bry takes Maribeth to the Museum of Modern Art for her birthday. Bryan doesn’t understand why some things are given more value than others as art when it is all so arbitrary. He believes the self portrait Q did for Jokers Dinner Party is better than most things in the museum.

Tom Miloszewski sends Walt an article about a new children’s cartoon from Denmark about a man with a magically long penis. Why not a show about magic vaginas?

Walt rings in the New Year watching Pluto TV and texting Frank 5. Q watches Joel McHale and Ken Jeong who appears very intoxicated on Fox’s New Years coverage. Q claims he’ll never get that drunk on stage again. Bry celebrates at Troy’s house and notices ABC’s coverage is a full minute off.

Q surprised to learn that Cardinals are actually kind of assholes. Squirrels have dismantled his squirrel proof bird feeder. Walt asks if he’s ever considered raising chickens.

Walt has an extreme reaction to seeing a mouse in his house after Hurricane Sandy. Bry is surprised when his phone offers him deals on mouse traps after it has eavesdropped on their conversation.

#466: The Birdman of Staten Island

*Featured image by Mike Ward

Pod Description:

Christmas recap. Q’s etiquette is questioned. Would you hire a prison coach?.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“I have fucking tits, I don’t know what to do about myself.” – Q

“Get used to tuna, bitch! Cuz that’s all you’re gonna be eating for the next ten years!” – Walt

“There will be no little caveats to the press from me when Mike and Ming go down.” – Walt

“Are you talking Island time, or Bryland time?” – Bry

“I am Ophelia, I am yours and you are mine. I hate who you hate. Let’s make them pay.” – Walt’s original note to Sage

“Here’s what’s inside your head in case you didn’t know.” – Bry about Ophelia

“Well what you can do is write a check to Sage, and then write two checks for my girls” – Walt

“I thought it was BQ’s world and someone’s tellin’ me it’s not? Something’s outta orbit here, it’s askew and amiss. Oh well, fuck it” – Bry and Walt as Q.

“I’m like Jim Carrey in the Mask, Somebody Stop me…. I can’t stop.” – Q about M&Ms.

“I’m the Birdman of Staten Island.” – Q

Memorable Moments:

Permit issues in the town of Red Bank pushes the Secret Stash move back a few weeks. Walt says after COVID there is no urgency in anyone anymore.

TESD recaps their Christmases. Walt has Chick-Fil-A catering and chocolate fondue. Sage get’s a plethora of haunted dolls, including one that Walt made himself after hearing Bry brag about how hardcore she is. Sage is unsure what to make of Ophelia. Q celebrates with food and video games.

Q is worried he should have gotten a gift for Sage as well and acknowledges it as a blind spot of when it is and is not expected to give gifts. Walt assures him he can just pay for half going forward.

On Christmas Eve a huge storm blows out one of the windows in Walt’s house as rain comes pouring through the hole in the wall. Walt tells his daughters they will always remember this Christmas.

Q has gotten really into bird feeders and have set them up all around his yard. He was very excited to see 8 cardinals at once. Walt wonders why male birds get all flamboyant to attract girls, they should act more manly.

Aunt Becky is released from jail. In a prison riot who would win, Lori Loughlin or Martha Stewart? Aunt Becky hired a prison coach to teach her self defense. Bryan says no amount of self defense knowledge can save you by citing the case of Brazilian Jiujitsu expert Daryell Dickson Menenzes Xavier who was gang raped by 18 men. The Fuller House cast has turned their back on Lori Loughlin, Walt assures that he would never give up on any of his Comic Book Men castmates.

Has life gone back to normal after the New York Post is back to sensational headlines about Alec Baldwin’s wife faking her heritage rather than Trump or COVID news?