#467: Swan Song

*Featured image by Alex and Victor Juarez

Pod Description:

Bry, Walt and Q get melancholy when they record for the last time
in the Secret Stash. Also, giant wieners.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“We’ll get’em monogrammed!” – Walt about new podcasting chairs.

“Did you lose a bet to Frank 5 or something” – Q about Frank 5 celebration day.

“Double dip on this fucker!” – Walt

“They can pry it from my cold dead hands!” – Walt about the secret bathroom key.

“This felt has soaked up so many laughs.” – Walt

“Fuck the pandemic, it’s the three Barons!” – Walt

“I’ve got a marching band on retainer.” – Walt about the many celebrations he has planned.

“Paintings can’t be gay, Bryan.” – Bry as Maribeth.

“Holland has wooden shoes, how bout we get a giant fuckin’ dick!” – Bryan

“Do you remember when the cartoons were just two robots fighting each other?” – Q

“Oh he’s a hero because he put his dick back in his pants?” – Q

“I’ve been busted plenty, but never like this.” – Bry

“So it hears all those things I say about Mexicans?” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

This is the last episode of TESD recorded at 35 Broad Street, Red Bank, NJ. Would it be pretentious to call it the end of an era? Q thinks it ranks right up there with the fall of the Roman Empire. Walt reveals he will keep using the secret bathroom Mike confiscated a key to since it is professionally cleaned and he doesn’t see Mike or Git’em being too diligent in lavatory upkeep.

Bry asks if the old Poker Table will make its way to the new location. He’s not terribly attached to it saying they could upgrade to something more professional. Walt sees it as a security blanket to give him comfort in the new space as to not be just a soulless corporate entity.

Walt has an idea to celebrate a different citizen of TESD Town once a month where Ants could come in for a meet and greet with each. He suggests in October to have all three Barons there for a Halloween special.

The 10 year anniversary event that was postponed until 2021 due to COVID has been officially cancelled as the promoter doesn’t see a way it will be possible to host even this year and in no way would it be profitable even if they allowed 50% capacity.

The Union Beach Popeye’s restaurant has 3 hour long lines every time Walt drives by, despite the fact there are other Popeye’s in the area that aren’t nearly as busy.

Bry takes Maribeth to the Museum of Modern Art for her birthday. Bryan doesn’t understand why some things are given more value than others as art when it is all so arbitrary. He believes the self portrait Q did for Jokers Dinner Party is better than most things in the museum.

Tom Miloszewski sends Walt an article about a new children’s cartoon from Denmark about a man with a magically long penis. Why not a show about magic vaginas?

Walt rings in the New Year watching Pluto TV and texting Frank 5. Q watches Joel McHale and Ken Jeong who appears very intoxicated on Fox’s New Years coverage. Q claims he’ll never get that drunk on stage again. Bry celebrates at Troy’s house and notices ABC’s coverage is a full minute off.

Q surprised to learn that Cardinals are actually kind of assholes. Squirrels have dismantled his squirrel proof bird feeder. Walt asks if he’s ever considered raising chickens.

Walt has an extreme reaction to seeing a mouse in his house after Hurricane Sandy. Bry is surprised when his phone offers him deals on mouse traps after it has eavesdropped on their conversation.

#466: The Birdman of Staten Island

*Featured image by Mike Ward

Pod Description:

Christmas recap. Q’s etiquette is questioned. Would you hire a prison coach?.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“I have fucking tits, I don’t know what to do about myself.” – Q

“Get used to tuna, bitch! Cuz that’s all you’re gonna be eating for the next ten years!” – Walt

“There will be no little caveats to the press from me when Mike and Ming go down.” – Walt

“Are you talking Island time, or Bryland time?” – Bry

“I am Ophelia, I am yours and you are mine. I hate who you hate. Let’s make them pay.” – Walt’s original note to Sage

“Here’s what’s inside your head in case you didn’t know.” – Bry about Ophelia

“Well what you can do is write a check to Sage, and then write two checks for my girls” – Walt

“I thought it was BQ’s world and someone’s tellin’ me it’s not? Something’s outta orbit here, it’s askew and amiss. Oh well, fuck it” – Bry and Walt as Q.

“I’m like Jim Carrey in the Mask, Somebody Stop me…. I can’t stop.” – Q about M&Ms.

“I’m the Birdman of Staten Island.” – Q

Memorable Moments:

Permit issues in the town of Red Bank pushes the Secret Stash move back a few weeks. Walt says after COVID there is no urgency in anyone anymore.

TESD recaps their Christmases. Walt has Chick-Fil-A catering and chocolate fondue. Sage get’s a plethora of haunted dolls, including one that Walt made himself after hearing Bry brag about how hardcore she is. Sage is unsure what to make of Ophelia. Q celebrates with food and video games.

Q is worried he should have gotten a gift for Sage as well and acknowledges it as a blind spot of when it is and is not expected to give gifts. Walt assures him he can just pay for half going forward.

On Christmas Eve a huge storm blows out one of the windows in Walt’s house as rain comes pouring through the hole in the wall. Walt tells his daughters they will always remember this Christmas.

Q has gotten really into bird feeders and have set them up all around his yard. He was very excited to see 8 cardinals at once. Walt wonders why male birds get all flamboyant to attract girls, they should act more manly.

Aunt Becky is released from jail. In a prison riot who would win, Lori Loughlin or Martha Stewart? Aunt Becky hired a prison coach to teach her self defense. Bryan says no amount of self defense knowledge can save you by citing the case of Brazilian Jiujitsu expert Daryell Dickson Menenzes Xavier who was gang raped by 18 men. The Fuller House cast has turned their back on Lori Loughlin, Walt assures that he would never give up on any of his Comic Book Men castmates.

Has life gone back to normal after the New York Post is back to sensational headlines about Alec Baldwin’s wife faking her heritage rather than Trump or COVID news?

#465: Wookiee Style

*Featured image by JohnVitaleArt

Pod Description:

Walt fears ice, The Mandalorian, Declan is behind the deep fake craze.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“They definitely like to get their freak on.” – Walt about Wookies

“I don’t really need to see a black cock.” – Walt

“No pain, no gain!” -Bry

“I guess a pandemic is a pretty good reason to break the streak.” – Walt

“If I change detergents I can die, a doctor told me.” – Walt

“I’ll die straight though, at least I’ll have that on my tombstone.” – Walt

“Yeah when I got checked suddenly I had a hankering for some Johnny Cakes.” – Q

“You treat your body like you do your car. I remember when the check engine light came on you just put something in front of it so you wouldn’t see it.” – Bry to Walt

“I hope I get sick and drop some pounds.” -Q

“I thought I was stronger than medicine like Walt but I was dead wrong” – Bry referencing opiates.

“My balance was like that of a Wilenda.” – Walt

“I’m going to quickly look up snow blower deaths.” – Bry on how Walt could maim himself

“Aww my middle finger, my dominant hand!” -Bry

“Disney should get in touch with Declan apparently he’s got all the fuckin tech.” – Walt

“Tonight I’m gonna go in the bedroom, close the door and say ‘tonight we do it Wookie Style'” – Bry

“Chick Fil-A is all straight white meat.” – Q

Memorable Moments:

Q is chagrined to be the heaviest he’s ever been in his adult life, says his body feels completely alien to him.

Walt is debating if he should end his 30 year streak of no medicine in order to get the COVID vaccine. Bryan also urges Walt to get a prostate exam since he’s of a certain age. Walt believes his mind is stronger than medicine.

A friend trolls Q with a picture of a big black dick disguised as a news article.

Bryan questions Q how much money it would take for him to consider hijacking a shipment of vaccine for sale on the black market. A hospital accidentally dumps 4/5th of the COVID vaccine not realizing there were multiple doses per vial.

Bryan mentions how his left arm is tingling constantly due to a crushed nerve and mentions needing surgery. He claims there is no worry for needing pain meds and returning to past habits as he is actually happy now.

A snow storm makes shoveling difficult for Bry and Walt while Q borrows his neighbors snow blower to get his drive done in record time. Walt considers buying a snow blower for himself but his wife chides him saying you have to know how to work it first.

TESD discusses the ending to Mandalorian and how the ‘girl power’ moment in the finale was handled so much better than the part in Marvel End Game.

Declan masters Deep Fake technology as he has amassed so much audio of Bryan, Walt, and Q that he can effectively make them say anything he wants.

Tom Cruise yells at a crew member on the set of Mission Impossible 7 for not following COVID precautions. Q recalls a time when Kevin had to yell at him when he was an employee of View Askew.

It is learned that Git’em’s computer is infested with pirated material when discussion of illegal downloads comes up. The Impractical Jokers movie was heavily pirated which could impact the making of a sequel. Walt believes they should go full Metallica on the industry and start a Jokers Jihad.

Did football player Lamar Jackson shit his pants?

#464: Ignorance is Dope

*Featured image by @TESDgroupie

Pod Description:

Bry goes to Orlando, Q takes issue with a friend, Sage drops a bombshell.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Quotes:

“Suck Bryan Johnson’s dick! He’s doin’ the right thing!” – Walt

“Gals love girth.” – Walt

“The theme parks are full of the tpe of people who go to theme parks during pandemics, they’re the least trustworthy people. You’re one of them.” – Q to Bryan

“It’s like Pavlo’s dog.” – Walt

“You hear that Reddit, ring a bell so I can get my chow!” – Bryan

“I wanna see an orca, fuck I wanna ride an orca.” – Bryan

“They really got this social distancing thing down until Sage wants to go on a roller coaster. I don’t think you could get sardines any closer in a can.” – Bryan

“C’mon I’ve done enough for you, now for you to do something for me.” – Bryan to Sage getting preferential seating at theme parks.

“I’m tired of seeing teenage boobs, never thought I’d say this.” – Bryan

“Looks like she’s going to a rap video.” – Walt about Sage

“Sage get dressed man, this isn’t a god damn sorority house!” – Bryan

“Save the boners of America” – Q

“Sometimes false confidence is all you got, bro.” – Bryan

“You can expect to spend weeks sitting in your own excrement.” – Walt

“This mother fucker has no allegiance ever.” – Bry about Ming

“Does Sage still have that bikini Bry?” – Walt

“Netflix and Chill all the way to Mars?” – Bryan

“Bro, your appearance is off putting. I don’t know what to tell you, can you put on a hat?” – Bryan

Memorable Moments:

Bryan is quarantining for two weeks after taking Sage and Maribeth to Orlando, Florida. Walt commends Bry for doing the right thing, even though Bry’s hackles were raised after the pilot came across as too authoritarian or parental for saying it was the expected thing to do. Bryan has poor experiences with the rental car companies who keep leaving dirty masks in their vehicles.

Sage keeps having wardrobe malfunctions when her one piece swimsuit keeps slipping in the pool.

In COVID news it is thought that the virus can now cause erectile dysfunction.

Bry is attacked by an unknown entity while in the hot tub with Maribeth and falls face first into the water. Maribeth thought his knee gave out and he was drowning, but was too in shock to help in any way.

Sage and Bryan have a deep conversation where Sage tells him she really likes her new aunt. Bry asks her if she knows what happened to Suzanne and Sage says ‘Yes, you shot her’. She has gone through the last few years fully believing Bry murdered Suzanne and has said nothing. Sage is ‘Ride or Die’ and Bry suggests Walt and Q go to her to help bury a body now instead of him.

Q notices Ming shilling for lots of local beer companies for the low price of a free six-pack. Q wonders if he should take this personally and start representing other podcast studios. Walt suggests putting Ming on retainer for a yearly price to only talk about R&H.

It’s revealed that a crewmember on Comic Book Men went behind Bry’s back to try and hook up with Suzanne after they broke up and Ming still invited him along to work tech at conventions.

Q wants to start doing R&H beer commercials in the style of different decades just so he can get to the wild 80s and 90s commercials with girls in bikinis.

The former head of Israel’s Space Program has come forward saying aliens are real and the US has already colonized Mars. He also claims Trump has not made the information public because the aliens say we aren’t ready.

Several mysterious monoliths have appeared across the globe.

#463.1: The Best of Butter Lips

*Featured Image by TESD Patreon

Pod Description:

Join Bry, Walt Gitem and Tom as they take a special look back at best clips from the All New Sunday Jeff show

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git’em Steve Dave

Tom Miloszewki

Quotes:

“The names are J-Sarge, the word is theme and the other name is Declan…. go.” – Walt to Sunday Jeff

“Do you think Leno or Letterman were as clueless about their own show?” – Bry

“Old butter-lips and shit.” – Sunday Jeff

“Locked and clocked my ass!” – Sunday Jeff

“Mike fucked up another podcast, one he’s not even on.” – Bry

“I thought that’s why you look like a lab rat.” – Walt

“I’m not even sure the mailman isn’t just throwing out the mail down the sewer because he doesn’t want to come in here to talk to you.” – Walt to Git’em

“Girl, I’m gonna make you a breakfast omelet, as in omelet you suck this dick.” – Sunday Jeff.

“Well hello boys.” – Walt as Chad

“Ooh la-la sassoon.” – Walt as Chad

“The year was 1810, big bushes were all the rage.” – Bry

“Oh I thought you were a pillow biter.” – Walt

“J-Lo, you’ve just played the Super Bowl, what are you doing next.” “I’m told I have to go fuck Sunday Jeff in space.” – Bry

“You’ll be doing me a favor, that’s where I belong, on the streets not playing this stupid ding dong game.” – Sunday Jeff

“Santa Claus never got serviced by the elves!” – Walt

“There’s a reason they took Bumble’s teeth out and I know what it is.” – Git’em

Memorable Moments:

This is a clip show of some best of moments from The All New Sunday Jeff Show, available on Patreon.com

Clip 1: Sunday Jeff stumbles about trying to introduce his own show in episode 1 of TANSJS.

Clip 2: Sunday Jeff tries to get Git’em to guess the answers in a game of Pyramid. “Things Ming Would Say” devolves into a round of Mike and Ming gay jokes.

Clip 3: Sundac the Flamboyant tries to get through the reading of the Johnny Carson-esque envelope gags without flubbing. All six happen to be Mike and Ming gay jokes.

Clip 4: In a game to determine who knows the most mundane facts about Sunday Jeff, Git’em surprises everyone with his intimate knowledge of Jeff’s underwear preferences.

Clip 5: The Sunday Funnies from Sunday Chef II: Jeff reads Food related pick up lines.

Clip 6: Sunday Jeff tries to guess the plots of movies he’s never seen based on the title alone.

Clip : Sunday Jeffrey Dahmer and the GTK killer try to pick up a young stud at a 1980s club. Walt plays Chad the foreign exchange student.

Clip 8: Jeff and Walt discuss their favorite Toys R Us memories including the first day they spent together toy hunting and the day Jeff bought all the Rudolph figures.

Clip 9: Sunday Science – Walt tries to pitch his rubber car / magnetic bumper idea to Bry, Git’em, and Jeff.

Clip 10: Sunday Stud – Troy judges Gitem, Bry and Jeff’s “fig” eating skills.

Clip 11: Sunday Jeff, Bry and Git’em must guess what the topic of a NSFW subreddit is based on the name.

Clip 12: Bry and Git’em have to guess what drugs Jeff and Walt are pretending to be on.

Clip 13: Sunday Jeff, Bry, and Git’em must guess the source of a famous sound byte.

Clip 14: Jeff, Dumb and Blind – Jeff must play Pyramid and have his partner guess answers with his mouth full of marshmallows.

Clip 15: Sunday Jeff is tasked with populating Mars and must pick a list of 3 women supplied by Tom, Walt, or Bry. A debate is had whether J-Lo is a better choice than Martha Stewart.

Clip 16: Sunday Scholar – Sunday Jeff may as well go out and get pizza for the other contestants based on his performance in “Are you Smarter than a 5th Grader”.

Clip 17: Hanukkah Special II – Sunday Jeff writes his own Hanukkah animated film. Walt finds it odd he includes the bad guy sexually abusing his underlings.

Clip 18: Sunday Jeff signing off… as best as he can.

#463: Who’s The Turkey Now?

*Featured Image by Eric Mason

Pod Description:

Thanksgiving, sexy teen hijinx, Pam and Edgar betray Bry.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Quotes:

“By the time she was in Swamp Thing she kinda looked like Swamp Thing though.” – Walt about Adrienne Barbeau

“I can’t kiss my mommy” -Walt as Bry

“I can’t kiss my dad on the lips!” – Bry

“Soothing voice, Soothing boobs on that woman.” – Q

“There are no flaws at the fuckin Stash!” – Walt

“I think my turkey days are behind me.” – Walt

“Let me fuck up everybody’s Thanksgiving from across the country, like a dickhead.” – Bry as Erik

“I guess we’re eating Canadian Goose or whatever the fuck this is!” – Q as Bry.

“It’ll be one stop shopping for skulls!” – Walt about the new store.

“I hope my old boss isn’t listening, but my old place, I owned that fucker. My seed is everywhere.” – Walt

“Shine that light a little lower and you’ll see what I’m doin” – Q

“Their bottoms are the tops.” – Bry about Me Undies

“I like Thal (Sal).” Bry as Mike Tyson

“Merry Christmas, boss”- Git’em after admitting he didn’t know something.

Memorable Moments:

The guys discuss Adrienne Barbeau and how Johnny Carson seemed to want to leap over the desk to get at her on The Tonight Show.

Walt says it might be his last year eating turkey as this Thanksgiving bird didn’t agree with him.

Pam was set to host 10 people for Thanksgiving but cancelled last minute after talking with Erik.

Maribeth brings home unlabeled mystery fowl to cook for Thanksgiving. Bry, a traditionalist, insists on turkey and heads off to Food Town to pick up a turkey breast. When it comes time to cook however they realize Bryan purchased a chicken breast because he didn’t have his glasses. Q introduces him to a magnifier app on the phone to remedy any future mishaps.

Mandalorian star Gina Carano facing backlash after anti mask tweets. TESD ponders if there is anyone that is un-cancellable. John Lennon has admitted to hitting women, Hunter S. Thompson was a maniac.

After 20 year the Secret Stash is closing up shop at 35 Broad Street and moving down the street to 65 Broad Street. The new store will feature a satellite location for TESD including recording space, green screen for video projects, and merch to sell.

Walt reminisces on how he would find ways to be romantic with his girlfriend Debbie while both of them still lived with their parents. Walt had a sleeping bag hidden at the Rec Center and would bring Debbie there for movie nights in an unused room. A young Bry and a friend would drive around with a high powered spot light and would try to catch Walt in the act to make him think the cops were there. Walt also tells of getting caught by the cops with Debbie by the duck pond.

Is there any scenario where Q could best Mike Tyson in a street fight? Based on Q’s history of drunken brawling in his youth, Walt seems to think it’s possible.

Bry and Q mention a video where a bus driver uppercuts a female passenger knocking her out.

Walt recalls getting knocked out in a fight when he was 18. Q talks of several fights he’s been in and how his neighbor accidentally killed a man in a bar fight.

Walt wants the last episode to be recorded at 35 Broad Street to be a retrospective of everyone’s favorite moments at that location.

Q asks Walt and Bry if they’d consider rebooting Comic Book Men if Q pitched it to TruTV. He says he could become a bigger presence on the show by buying out half the business from Kevin.

Bry and Sage are having trouble with remote learning causing Bry to hang up on the whole class.

The 2020 TESD XMAS Special – The Christmas K.I.S.S.

Buy it on Bandcamp or Patreon!

Description:

Grab some egg not, flip the yule log on the TV and cozy up with Bryan, Walt, BQ, Sunday Jeff, Ming, Git’em and Tom for the 2020 Tell’em Steve-Dave Christmas Special: The Christmas K.I.S.S. This year we go back to the basics! Banter, games, rapping and more! Merry Christmas TESD Town!

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Sunday Jeff

Tom Miloszewski

Quotes:

“This is how you wormed your way onto the table!” – Walt to Git’em

“You know you’re definitely gonna be a widow right?” – Bry to Maribeth

“Orphan is the new midget.” – Walt

“I’m glad there’s no video so they can’t see me sweating.” – Tom

“I already have like 12 other accounts to go after him. Tom ruined Christmas!” – Git’em

“It doesn’t look like a tattoo anymore, it looks like a mole that needs to be looked at by a doctor.” – Walt to Ming

“Just remember, Tom’s the chef, you take out the trash when he’s done!” – Sunday Jeff

“You know how screaming at Bob Barker makes him a better game show host.” – Bry

“I’m going to have to start recognizing Tom’s basic humanity.” – Q

“Anything outside Monmouth County is the Forbidden Zone.” – Sunday Jeff about Walt.

“When’s that sweet bald man coming back to spend Christmas with us?” – Walt’s family about Sunday Jeff

“He was the Fonzie to your Cunninghams.” – Git’em

“We need to get your seed in a willing bearer.” – Q

“Tell’em Steve Dave is the Island of Misfit Toys, it’s all fucked up in here.” – Q

“He gets the Johnson list of grievences out and prepares to read them.” – Q

“Strangely her maiden name was Johnson so who knows how inbred we are.” – Bryan

“I know if he spend more than 10 minutes with you he’d know what a bad decision he made going to your dinner instead of mine!” – Walt to Ming about Tom Brady

Games / Reoccuring Segments

Cryptic Riddles

Dyslexia

I Fought the Law and the Law One

High Ho Ho Low

Snow Ballin’

Family Feud

Character Guessing Game

Rap Battle

Memorable Moments:

Tom gets to sit at the table this year instead of on the floor like in 2019. This time Tom acts at game master to allow Walt to play along with Bry and Q against Git’em, Ming, and Sunday Jeff. No stakes this year, just bragging rights.

Walt tells of how he tried to get rid of Git’em for the 2013 Christmas show after they finished recording the Fiasco Pod but he stuck around and produced gold with his retelling of his worst holiday memories.

Bry begins his own Christmas tradition by tailoring his tree to precisely his taste with horror themed ornaments and not using any cheap generic ones or hand me downs from Pam. Walt’s tradition of driving around looking at Christmas lights is going to change up a little this year as his youngest daughter will be the driver.

The Christmas Special is split between games and Christmas Chats.

Chat #1: Christmas Present. What does it feel like to be sitting together again for the 10th annual TESD XMas pod?

Game #1: Cryptic Riddles. In an effort to reduce player rage, Tom actually explains the rules of the game and how the riddles work. This combined with giving helpful (easy) clues leads to a perfect score for both teams. Walt questions if people are going to enjoy a game where everyone gets the right answers and there is no in-fighting. Ming, a Catholic, questions the validity of the Immaculate Conception.

Game #2: Dyslexia. Once again the clues provided by Tom lead to both teams solving most of these clues. Ming accidentally tells Mike he’ll see him at the TESD Christmas Pod, despite the fact he wasn’t invited. Is a Pole Vault the opposite of a Cane? Q has been re-watching I Love Lucy and is amazed at how funny it still is this day and age.

Chat #2: Christmas Future. Each person discusses their hopes and dreams of Christmas’ yet to come. Bry plans to drive up to hang out with Q Christmas Night but Walt thinks as a newlywed that plan will be squashed. Git’em wants to start a family and plant Christmas trees. Sunday Jeff spent a few Christmas’ with the Flanagan family and everyone had a great time.

Game #3: I Fought the Law and the Law One. Tom has a series of three Christmas related laws the teams have to guess which are true.

Game #4: High Ho Ho Low. Tom teaches an economics class as most of these questions are about commerce.

Chat #3: If a Christmas Carol was real and you could invite one person from Christmas Past, Present, and Future to dinner who would you? Q chooses Git’em’s future child, Walt chooses present Tom Brady, and Bry chooses his Grandmother. Git’em chooses his past self to try and warn him of his fate, Ming also chooses Tom Brady to steal him from Walt, and Sunday Jeff confusingly picks a future George Lucas to ask him a series of fanboy questions.

Game #5: Snow Ballin’. Tom gives the name of a sex act he found in a women’s health magazine and the guys have to guess what it entails.

Game #6: Family Feud.

Game #7: Holiday Character Guessing Game.

Game #8: Rap Battle

#461: Stronger than Time

*Featured Image by @AntKoolAid

Pod Description:

The boys talk midlife crisis, bullying. Bry & Q try their hand at unorthodox couples counseling

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“Fuck you, God.” – Bry

“I’m not eating fertilizer.” – Walt

“I want the beeps and the boops and whatever fuckin’ nonsense they were playin over and over again in my youth.” – Q

“I’m not into virgins.” – Walt

“The only thing new I buy is a car, everything else I want some miles on it.” -Q

“Man, do I have enough comics?” – Walt’s midlife crisis

“I’m stronger than time.” – Walt

“Oh my god, Toad got old.” – Bry

“Nobody’s lookin’ for a huge vagina.” – Walt

“My candidate won, it wasn’t Biden, it wasn’t Trump. It was marijuana.” – Bry

“Going back to me coming down on 148 on the weekends, you don’t understand it’s a constant barrage of stupidity and ineptness!” -Walt

Memorable Moments:

Bryan appears on an episode of “Who are These Podcasts?”

Q and the rest of the Jokers are shooting the show again leading Q to have to quarantine with his new X-Box over Thanksgiving.

Q wonders if he is edging towards a mid-life crisis and wonders what his legacy will be. Decides he wants to buy a Delorian.

Q wants to make a 4 Color Demons limited edition brew, Walt agrees to drink one if he does.

Bry is set to record a pod with Toad.

New Jersey legalizes marijuana which leads to a discussion on crack cocaine and magic mushrooms. Git’em arrives to talk about how the race track used to sell horse shit for mushroom farmers to grow in.

Walt and Git’em get into a heated discussion over whether Git’em should have known to bag two new trade paperbacks or not. Q acts as a couples therapist for the two of them and make them both say nice things about each other.

Git’em delves into the multi-world theory in which if he didn’t work at the Stash he would have been home to stop the fire that took his house.

Bry reveals he has been coloring in Adult Coloring Books to get in a Zen mood. Walt tells him it sounds like a “Pam” thing to do.

#459: Mask

*Featured Image by Bryan Johnson

Pod Description:

Git Em and Q debate The Mandalorian, an update on brother Erik, Ant tattoos.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Erik Johnson

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“So where’s the hair now?” – Walt

“Sit down, asshole!” – Walt

“So you drive around with a box of hair?” – Walt

“It’s not like I stroke it and lovingly stare at it!” – Git’em

“Maybe I was wrong, I probably was wrong.” – Git’em

“He says it’s as protective as wearing two condoms.” – Git’em on Walt’s masks

“Jeff has called it the pussifying of Star Wars.” – Walt on Baby Yoda.

“Walt’s fashioning his mask into a noose, we need to wrap this up.” – Bryan

“He sounds like Kenny from South Park.” – Q about masked Walt.

“If it wasn’t for 7 of 9, Barack Obama never would have been president, that’s actually true.” – Git’em

“Remember that lady who got her face chewed off by a chimp? That’s what he looks like right now.” – Bryan about Erik

“That’s what you get when you put your life on the line for others.” – Erik

“I love that even happiness is a weapon in the Johnson family.” – Q

“Did your parents build their house on an Indian burial ground? What the fuck!” – Walt

“The only way I can be happy again is if Bryan becomes miserable again.” – Erik

Memorable Moments:

Git’em is called to the carpet to answer Reddit’s condemnation for not using Q’s teeth fund money or the Fahrenheit 148 fundraiser money to better his own life. Git’em responds that he isn’t spending frivolously and is still saving to own a home rather than rent. Git’em still has Q’s hair and has not sold it yet as he was expecting it to appreciate in value after the release of the IJ movie. Walt believes there is no market for Q’s hair since it’s been several years since Murr was forced to wear it on the show, Git’em estimates he could get a couple thousand for it. Walt says he’s going to die with that hair since he can’t get rid of anything.

Walt is doubling up on masks for added protection, at the cost of a muffled voice.

Q is loving the new season of The Mandalorian but Walt and Git’em thinks the addition of Boba Fett is mere pandering and they “are blowing the Boba Fett load” too soon.

Erik calls in to check up with the Ants after his appearance at Bryan’s bachelor party. Erik has had some surgeries to remove skin cancer, then breaks his arm mountain biking with his step son. Bry suggests Maribeth refrain from taking his last name since it’s obviously cursed.

Erik says every time he calls Pam all she wants to talk about is how great Bryan is doing. Pam and Edgar get into a real Lockhorn scenario arguing in Food Town when Pam forgets her debit card in the machine and Edgar can’t find his favorite tote bag.

Q writes a story for the horror anthology “Centralia”.

Bry gets a TESD Ant tattoo to cover up his maligned Calvin and Hobbes tattoo.

#458. Sarcata Nagrata

*Featured Image by @tesdgroupie

Pod Description:

Walt celebrates a sexy birthday, Git ‘Em lives with Camel spiders, Joe Gatto calls in to talk pooches.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Joe Gatto

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“You don’t even want to see how limp my dick is.” – Bry

“My friend has fallen on hard times. He’s sleeping with silverfish and crickets up his ass.” – Q

“As out of left field as me being on methadone and Debbie getting me clean!” – Walt

“It wasn’t when you had sex with me despite barely knowing me at a One Star Motel at your expense.” – Except from Bry’s wedding vows.

“I am a fan of rapid escalation to the point it makes people uncomfortable.” – Bry

“Bring the Golden Corral home to you.” – Q to Walt

“They’ll have so much chocolate on their face it’ll look like they’re about to be cancelled.” – Bry

“In what world is BQ not a threat to every woman on the planet?” – Walt

“Those days are over. We need Blue Chew in this relationship.” – Walt about Git’em

“I can’t stand you, see you Wednesday.” – Walt to Git’em

“I went decades without seeing those fuckin’ crickets. They must have had an orgy or something.” – Q

“Yeah shitting in a pail in the middle of a field, that’s your A-List material.” – Walt to Git’em

“By Sugar Baby I mean I have horrible Diabetes.” – Bry as Git’em

“I knew those Hollywood types were fucking freaks.” – Walt as Landlord

“That poor cat has been flogged and put on the stroll for 8 years now.” -Q

Memorable Moments:

Bry is confident his best days are ahead of him since he’s had so many bad ones behind.

Walt is ready for retirement after Covid gave him a little taste of of the lifestyle.

Debbie Flanagan was disappointed that Walt wouldn’t get the chance to give a speech at Bryan’s wedding and be able to get back at him for joking that Walt was a recovering meth addict at his wedding.

Walt celebrates the best birthday weekend of his life: Some quality time with his wife while the kids were out of the house, his Friendly’s steak was the best piece of meat he ever had in his life, and he got to watch Tom Brady beat Aaron Rodgers instead of going to a family obligation.

Q gifts Walt a chocolate fountain so that he would never have to relive his tortuous trip to Golden Corral again.

Bryan tries to let Walt down gently that The Great Pumpkin will not be on broadcast TV for the first time since original airing. Walt thinks there are more important things to trouble yourself with than the loss of a TV special.

Q has been reading the Cormoran Strike series of detective stories written under a pseudonym by J.K. Rowling. Walt asks why he’s not concerned that she is “Sarcata Nagrata”.

Bry visits Reddit and see’s that he failed to introduce Steve Byrne the previous episode and not many people were fans of the phone call.

Bryan tries to catch Walt in a lie about not wearing a gold chain to his wedding with photographic evidence, Walt insists it is a photoshop.

Q acts as a mentor to his friend who comes to him with an issue of finding Viagra in her husband’s belongings and wanting advice. Q wonders if it is a similar relationship that Walt has to Git’em. Git’em is called over to discuss.

It’s revealed that Git’em is now living with his friend and long-time standing dinner date yet his basement apartment is infested with bugs and he has to drive to a portapotty whenever he needs to defecate. The guys question why he doesn’t look into apartments for rent with the money from the charity pod. Git’em would rather save money for something more permanent. Q takes the opportunity to offer to pay Git’em’s rent as his Sugar Daddy. Walt thinks Git’em just likes having these crazy stories to talk about and be the ‘Kooky’ guy.

Sunday Jeff tells Walt he saw Git’em’s friend chastise him like a mother to a 5 year old child one day she dropped him off.

Q asks all Ants to leave reviews for R&H beer on Untappd to help his brand.

Q sends Scotty Gomez some R&H beer while Scotty sends Q funny videos. Walt is slightly disappointed that Scotty Gomez is a regular ‘dude-bro’. Walt questions why guys can playfully call each other dick-head and douchebag after hearing how Scotty and Q address each other.

Joe Gatto calls in to talk about his new book “The Dogfather”. Joe’s dog total is up to 8 including all the ailing animals he’s rescued. Joe’s dog Cannoli had it’s own pet agent. Walt one time thought Cooper could be a show dog but didn’t want to be one of those parents to child stars.

After Bryan’s grandmother died when he was very young his aunt took in his grandmother’s dog, Chloe. Chloe drowned shortly thereafter leading Pam to say to Bryan it must have been a case of suicide because she missed Bry’s grandmother so much.