#400.1: Making Haystory

*Featured Image by Chuck Staton

Description:

Part 2 of the best episode of the best podcast ever. Famous TESDtown residents stop by to play some games.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Troy

Sunday Jeff

Father Lance

Chris Laudando

Frank #5

Quotes:

“This is my time to shine!” – Sunday Jeff

“Mike, do you want to touch it with a ten foot pole?” – Ming

“I was waiting for this podcast to be aborted” – Chris Laudando

“How many times, Sunday Jeff, do you go on the internet and it’s NOT accidental? – Bry

“Excuse me, I just gotta wipe this shit off my lip.” – Q

Games Played:

All Apologies:  Multiple choice questions about a scenario which demanded a real life apology.  If you guess wrong you must give an emphatic apology about a theoretical scenario which will be judged.

Elephants in the Room:  Each team must give a two minute podcast on Hot Button topics.

Cryptic Riddles:  Figure out Blue Baron’s cryptic riddles to guess an overall topic.

Are You Smarter than a 148:  Gitem and the contestants both must answer tricky questions.  If Gitem gets it wrong and you get it right you get double points.

Professor Impresser:  Give a speech about how life would be different if certain hypotheticals were true.

Memorable Moments:

Walt and Gitem host this all game episode as teams I Sell Comics, TESD, and SunTroy Jeff go head to head to head.  Father Lance, Chris Laudando, and Mr and Mr.s 5 act as judges.

Walt pulls an audible halfway through All Apologies when the teams keep getting the questions right and demands they all give an apology.

Chris Laudando starts giving scores including decimal points up to the thousandths place to throw off Gitem’s score-keeping.

The Blue Baron returns to give more cryptic riddles.  Bry and Q are much better this time around.

Music:

Vicky Pezza – No Need to Roofie

#385: Mr. Manager

*Featured image from the TESD Patreon Live Stream

Description:

A suicidal celeb garners Walt’s sympathy. Bry revels in Kendall Jenner’s woes. Q shakes his head at both.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Quotes:

“I’ll ride you” – Walt

“I probably need help, I guess, someone please help me” – Bry, facetiously about his anger issues

“Our Q has only banged regular models and pageant winners, no super models.” – Bry

“You know how many times I’ve been on morphine or some derivative of and have said ‘I’m floating baby!’?” – Bry about near death experiences

“I should have pulled the trigger.” – Bry about the gun play during sex with Suzanne.

Memorable Moments:

Recorded at A Shared Universe podcast studio as part of the August 2018 TESD patreon Live Stream.

Bry has more Kardashian news.  Apparently Kendall Jenner has pissed off the super model community by saying something stupid.  Bry expects Walt to defend her like he did Lil Bow Wow.

There was an unused Comic Book Men plot where Gitem would work as a fashion model.

Bry injured his thumb trying to throw something in anger after smashing through his back door with a weed whacker.

door.jpg

Bry found a used hypodermic needle in his yard while mowing the lawn.  Walt must ask him if it was one of his and he just forgot.

Walt feels bad about actor Ahmad Best, who contemplated suicide after the backlash from Jar Jar.  Q says he can relate due to Jokers Wild.

Gitem retells stories of his high school wrestling career, and uncontrollable laughter after losing.

The guys play a TESD themed board game called “TESD:  Escape from Ming Land” featuring trivia cards about famous moments from the podcast.

Gitem reveals he was removed as a moderator from the TESDcares reddit page.

With all the technical difficulties surrounding the live stream, someone suggests going on Twitch.  Bry says Jay Mewes plays video games for twitch and gets paid, even while he’s supposed to be doing meet and greets with his fans.

Q and Gitem reveal they are both looking to get licensed to own firearms

Music:

Like A Villain (AZ) – I’m Fine

Elephants in the Room

*Featured Image by @bsjett

Pod Description:

In the summer of 2017, the podcast Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave filmed a gameshow pilot episode to pitch to an unnamed television network.

“ElephANTs in the Room” combines the classic atmosphere of beloved gameshows, with the insightful and humorous world of podcasting.

When you add in elephant-based physical changes, and the perils of taboo topics that no that sane person would ever dare to discuss, you get “ElephANTs in the Room!”

With an explosive and shocking final challenge, it’s safe to say you have NEVR seen a gameshow like this!

Buy it at https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/elephants-in-the-room/

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Troy

Chris Laudando

Mike Zapcic

Ming Chen

Quotes:

“It says here you ‘lava’ good hot sauce, and Ming says your sauce is the hottest” – Walt to Mike

“It says here, Brian, that you ‘depreciate’ a good tax joke” – Walt to Q.

“I’ve never been a big fan of nepotism”- Bry

“He’s missing two tusks so you’ll have the advantage” – Bry to ISC during the first physical challenge.

“Pretend you’re tossing salad!” – Sunday Jeff to Mike

“I can tell you Sunday Jeff DID want his head stuck in a rhino’s ass” – Walt

“Ming doesn’t want to do this one because so far no one has been able to force him to be a father.” – Troy

“They look like a Nutrisystem before and after photo” -Ming about Walt and Gitem’s matching safari outfits.

“Is it too late to talk about a divine child rapist?” – Bry regrets not doing the Elephant in the Room topic about Muhammad.

“We gotta get a head in the anus or there’s no payoff!” – Walt

Games Played:

Elephants in the Room

The name of the game is taken from the common phrase that means an obvious topic that is difficult to talk about.  Two teams compete representing a different listener.  For the team that wins their listener wins 100 dollars of their podcast’s merchandise.    Each team in turn is asked an Elephant related question.  If the question is answered correctly the team wins 15 points.  If the question is answered incorrectly the team can choose to A)  Give a 2.5 minute long podcast about an “Elephant in the Room” controversial topic.  The podcast is judged by the ‘Peanut Gallery’ and can win between 3-15 points or B) Compete in an Elephant themed physical challenge versus Gitem and if victorious win an automatic 15 points.

At the end of the game the winning team can compete in the Pachyderm Paycheck Challenge in order to double or triple their listener’s winnings.  A large constructed elephant is brought into the room and a player from the winning team must stick their head up it’s rectum and route around all the brown muck for a paycheck.

Memorable Moments:

When Bry and Q find out the listener they are playing for is Gitem’s girlfriend they call foul.

During the first multiple I Sell Comics multiple choice Elephant question, Walt “accidentally leaves off choice D, none of the above forcing a physical challenge or podcast.

Commercial Break 1:  Q’s Brews by Shawn S Sealer and 13%ers by Gina Mastrostefano

I Sell Comics opts for the physical challenge.  Mike must eat a greater volume of a head of lettuce than Gitem in a one minute time frame.

Commercial Break 2:  New TESD Movies by Robert Rogers and Eugene’s Tasties by Harris Khan

Bry and Q compete in a physical challenge where Q has to fit more circus peanuts in his mouth than Gitem in 1 minute.

Commercial Break 3:  The Bottle Dump Warrior by Jesus Manet and Animated Fair-re-re tale theater by Kieran O-Sullivan

Commercial Break 4:  Dyslexia the Board Game by Chuck Staton and Brad Rohrer

A one minute speed round of Dyslexia is played where Walt reads a clue and both teams have the opportunity to buzz in to give a correct answer.  5 points are awarded for each correct answer.  Watching Bry and Q’s defeated and aggravated expressions is the highlight of the show.

Commercial Break 5:  Animated Adventures of Baron Von Flanagan by Miles P Standish, Collingswood Auction by Kawsmoe Naut, and TESD town Ants hockey by Chunder Toons.

Commercial Break 6:  Trailer for Scream Baron Scream, a horror film featuring Baron Von Flanagan and Dollah Shave versus monsters by Walt Flanagan and Chuck Staton

Q refuses to compete in the Pachyderm Paycheck Challenge for fear of ruining his “500 dollar” shirt and makes Gitem step up to the plate.

Music:

#372: King of Swing

*Featured image from @mingchen37

Description:

While BQ lights up the silver screen with his matinee idol looks, Bry and Walt talk to the legendary Ming Chen and play a new game with him.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Ming Chen

Quotes:

“That reminds me of the word ‘rimjob’ so I’m going to go in that direction” – Ming

“He’s easily distracted, mostly by LEDs” – Walt about Gitem

“That’s the trick, find a partner that sounds stupider than you and you’ll sound awesome” – Ming

“I dated a girl I didn’t know we were swingers but she swung for years” – Bry

“Ming brought you to the area of the butthole” – Walt to Bry

“You come in and you see the staff and let’s say the staff is like uh- texting on their or they’re p- trying to catch Pokémon, how would you handle it?” – Walt to Ming

Games Played:

It Don’t Ming a Thing if You Ain’t Got That Swing

Memorable Moments:

According to Walt, Q being gone for so long is like when Richie left Happy Days.Ming Chen is the first of many guest hosts to fill in Q’s absence.  Walt claims Ming’s presence was one of the reasons early TESD was so popular.

Ming tells about his new entrepreneurship co-owning both a comic book store called Coral Sword and a podcast studio called A Shared Universe.

Walt wants to know as a fellow store owner/manager, how would he handle an employee like Gitem.  Ming says the key is to treat them like a simple beast of burden.

Ming reveals he makes house calls to people who want to podcast.  One of his clients is a female gynecologist that interviews him for one of her pods.

Bry snubbed Walking Dead special effects master Greg Nicoterro at a con.

Walt unveils a new game to play with Ming and Bry.

This weeks Dyslexia clues are:

  • Poor Walkman – IPad Rich
  • E Evasive – Frank 3
  • Poorly Minimum – Maxwell

Music:

Dave Wimer – Daisies and Razor Blades

#371: Daddy Edgar

*Featured Image from http://www.tellemstevedave.com

Description:

Bry celebrates a true American Hero. Q considers running for office. Jiggy plays 1-true-3.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Jiggy

Quotes:

“Daddy?” “Does it hurt? Does it hurt like you hurt me?” – Bry

“I can’t tell whose dick’s in his mouth!  Tom Brady or Walt’s?” – Q about Jiggy

“Win with Quinn!” – Walt’s campaign slogan for councilman Q

“She’s the Rosa Parks of braless chicks!” – Bry

“She’s got fat tits and it’s not her fault!” – Bry

“And whenever you praise God it ends in kaboom”-Bry

 “What people don’t know.. people who know Armenians know that I don’t look at all Armenian..” – Jiggy

“You were passing for White THIS WHOLE TIME?!!” -Q

“Get ‘em outta here!!” – Bry

Reoccurring Segments:

Heard Around the Walter Cooler:  Parents are using Amazon’s Alexa to read bedtime stories to their kids.

Games Played:

One True Three:  Jiggy

Story 1:  Jiggy is actually adopted which explains why he doesn’t look Armenian

Story 2:  Jiggy was the ringleader of a gang of youths who stole the hood ornaments off of luxury cars.

Story 3:  An angry Jiggy pushes a drama teacher off a stage for cutting his skit, spraining the teacher’s ankle and making him wear a cast.

Dyslexia

Memorable Moments:

Gitem sends Bryan an article claiming that pain pills turned a man gay.

Bryan reads a tale of a real teenage hero, a Florida girl is forced to put bandages over her nipples when she goes to school braless.  She plans to protest saying that it’s not her fault others are distracted by her.

Q considers a career in public office after IJ dies down.  Bry claims to have tons of dirt on him and would need a payoff like Stormy Daniels.

Walt encourages Bryan to work through his issues with Pam and Edgar, perhaps by reading Tom Brady’s book.

Walt and Alicia do the first ad of 2018 as the Baron and Baroness Von Flanagan

Walt challenges Jiggy to Dyslexia.  Jiggy proves to be pretty proficient at it until he must figure out the opposite of horse.

Q says goodbye for a while.

 

This weeks Dyslexia clues are:

  • Continent Once Lungs – Gilligan’s Island
  • Dumb Give – Get Smart
  • Individual Manning – Brady Bunch

Music:

Scott E. Wells – Free

TESD Live at The Gramercy Theater

Pod Description:

For the first time witness Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave Live on stage! On film! In HD!

Over 2 hours of live footage filmed at the legendary New York Gramercy Theatre. Starring Brian Quinn, Bryan Johnson and Walt Flanagan, and featuring TESD favorites Git ‘Em Steve-Dave, Ming Chen, Sal Vulcano and Sunday Jeff.

This landmark film includes both TESD Gramercy shows recorded on July 15, 2016, as well as the NEVER SEEN BEFORE Bonus Footage of Episode 300: Git’Em To The Chapel! You do not want to miss this!

Buy it at https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/tesd-live-gramercy-theatre/

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Sal Vulcano

Brian Maxwell

LED Soundsystem

 

Quotes:

“When Declan hears this, he knows he’s out of a job” Walt about Q’s thunder tube.

“It’s like having a fever, when you get all those weird dreams but without the aches and pains” – Walt about working with Gitem.

“Who the fuck makes this game? Donald Trump?” – Sal

“Gitem was right about me” – Q

Games Played:

Roll a Role

 

Reoccurring Segment:

Overkill

Baron Von Flanagan

Memorable Moments:

 

This video contains two separate Live TESDs recorded at the Gramercy Theater.

First Live Show:

Walt’s vision of the dramatic stage show “Talking Dead” comes to life as Q and Bry enter in cult robes carrying their own lynched puppets. Baron Von Flanagan enters in top hat and cape as all three spit blood upon the audience.

During the Baron Von Flanagan segment Bry and Q provide Thunder and Lightning with a thunder tube and a strobe light.

Gitem and LED SoundSystem perform “Day in the Life” live.

Sunday Jeff arrives wearing all Khakis.

Bry regales the audience with the traumatic trip to the show with him Walt, Gitem, and Sunday Jeff almost getting sideswiped by a van and the constant bickering.

Walt and Gitem come up with a mantra to ensure they remember whether or not they’ve locked the front door, a problem that has caused Walt and Mike numerous sleepless nights.

Sal and Ming join the table for a game of Roll a Role. During the role play no one can keep track of who is male or female or what the topic of choice is.

Bry tells a Why Bry story, where he replies to an email from the digital producer of AMC asking for the guys to compile a comic “pull list”. Bryan’s answer to her is sexually explicit and vulgar.

Second Live Show:

The second show begins in much the same way as the first however with Sunday Jeff and Ming as the cultists this time around. Bryan Johnson is nowhere to be found until he comes hustling up the aisle wearing a Dominoes shirt and “the tightest dickies”.

There is now a bottle of Jameson in front of Q, despite claiming to Walt he doesn’t drink at live shows anymore.

The Baron brings more mind blowing facts. Bry admits wanting to have a baby duckling imprint on him so it thinks he’s it’s dad and they go on adventures.

The second show turns into an overkill episode as Gitem Ming Chen and Sunday Jeff join the table to riotous chants of Sunday Jeff.

Walt’s overkill topic is about an Independent Presidential candidate Andrew D. Bisaggio who claims to be a time traveler who has witnessed Lincolns assassination twice. He promises to share the technology and put Bigfoot on the endangered species list.

Ming has an overkill topic about Chinese Ant Eating therapy which is said to have brought the Ming Dynasty emperor a long life.

Bry’s topic is about Pokemon Go being tied to satanic and Illuminati symbols.

Q has a speed round of 7 quick overkill topics.

Gitem is able to communicate with parrots using the John Williams score of Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

Sunday Jeff has a story about a man who received a donated heart falls in love with the mans widow and ends up dying the same way as the first man.

TESD TV

Pod Description:

It’s here! Bryan, Walt, Q, Gitem, and Sunday Jeff in this all original never before heard/seen episode of TESD. This pod is interlaced with animation and features the debut of the much anticipated game show: Quinn It To Win It. With your purchase you will receive:

• TESD T.V. Full Feature
• TESD T.V. Outtakes
• Bonus Audio Pod: Quinn It To Win It

Buy it at https://www.tellemstevedave.com/product/tesd-tv/ 

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Sunday Jeff

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Mentioned Person:

Harris Khan

Sal

Frank 3

Frank 5

Frank 2

Courage My Love

EK Morris

Chris Laudando

Quotes:

“They’re making the special Olympics easier and easier every year” Q

“Bryan Johnson, it says here you have no interests” – Walt as a game show host introducing the contestants.

“Its a trans-Atlantic Ball Suckin'” – Gitem as Q

“Oooh I got bettah things to do, look at you hairy Mooks. I’m trying to become Metro-Erectus Q and get more ladies for da tribe.” Gitem as Homo Erectus Q.

“Is there a reason why Mike’s not here? Did you not invite him for a reason?” -Q

“Cut That” Walt under his breath.

Games Played:

You Gotta B-Quinn it to Win it

Game 1 Quinn on Quinn Violence. Q will debate a topic against the contestant acting as Q with Walt awarding points as he sees fit.

Game 2 Stop the Quinnsanity- An improve game where all three contestants interact with one another. Walt gives prompts along the way awards points as he sees fit.

Reoccurring Segment:

Memorable Moments:

This video pod is enhanced with cartoon vignettes animated by Harris Khan. Originally recorded in August 2015.

Walt, Bry, Q, Sunday Jeff, Gitem, and Ming all pitch 3 unique television shows for air in TESD Town.

Monday Night programming by Sunday Jeff.

8:00 show – Gitem Up starring Gitem as the worlds first Horse PI solving crimes at the race track.

9:00 show – Unfantasy Bryland which is “very similar” to Fantasy Island but everything always goes wrong. Bry plays the lead Ricardo Montelban role with Ming as his Tatoo.

10:00 show – TESD Sports Present Monday Night Indoor League. Walt and Sunday Jeff are the color commentators presenting the Lingere bowl.

Tuesday Night programming is proposed by Walt.

8:00 – Dollah Shave Power Hour. An animated program featuring Dollah Shave and his snobby British robot dog Honky fighting bad guys such as Hickler and the Gitem Man. The power hour also features Qubed where a young BQ and his living stuffed cat Mr. Whiskers go on adventures in the Staten Zone rescuing Princess Jennifuh from the tribe of Scooter Dudes. The final show in the power hour is SargeL18 and Princess Telequhua going on adventures in the vortex.

9:00 show- May I Be Frank? A reality competition show where a contestant must complete several disgusting tasks to become a new Frank #.

10:00 show – The Phantasmagoric World of Baron Von Flanagan, a twilight zone-esque show with the Baron as host.

Wednesday night programming presented by Gitem.

8:00 show – Bottle Pickers. Gitem goes to peoples properties to dig up trash in their back yard looking for things to sell at the flea market.

9:00 show – Mista Whiska which is show based on Mr. Ed with BQ having a talking cat that likes to cause mischief.

10:00 show – T.E.S.D.S.I. which is a crime procedural set in TESD town where Walt, Bry, and Q are lawyers trying to get Ming out of jail for smuggling.

Thursday Night programming is provided by Q.

8:00 show – Q, too. A more responsible 41 year old Q must put up with his rambunctious early 20s counterpart who has drunkenly fallen through a time portal.

9:00 show – Asshole Homeless Dude. A deadly virus is set to wipe out the human population but the only one with an immunity is a huge prick and in return for giving a cure he is assigned a get out of jail free card where no laws apply to him.

10:30 show (to avoid competing with IJ) – Double O Gitem, an adventure program with Gitem as the super spy.

Friday programming by Bryan.

9:00 show – Gitem Good, another crime show starring Gitem where he is an acclaimed detective who after a near death experience is visited by the ghost of Frank 2. who helps with him solve crime.

10:00 show – Fat News followed by the Arbitrary Arbiter where judge Walt passes judgment without any rule or reason like how he moderates his games.

11:00 show – Brian Quinn Time Gigolo a sexy Sci Fi romp where Q bangs his way through history.

Saturday programming is supplied by Ming.

8:00 show – Sunday Jeff is the coach and general manager of a Indoor League lingerie bowl team and must deal with weekly drama on and off the field.

9:00 show – a hidden camera program called Zapped, where Mike plays pranks on an unsuspecting public.

10:00 show – Puck Nuts, a drama filled program of 4 former hockey players who become sports commentators and face network pressure to be the number one sports show.

Sunday programming is 3 hours of the worlds next favorite game show “You Gotta Quinn it to Win it”

During the “You Gotta B-Quinn it to Win it” bonus audio it is revealed that Gitem’s boss at the race track is still criticizing him for his pins and his Secret Stash sweat shirt and that Gitem won a marathon in his age class at summer camp, for being the only one in his age group.

Q proclaims he IS still an average Joe because he had to clean his own bed after his cat shit and pissed all over it and didn’t even get a discount at Bed Bath and Beyond due to his celebrity.

Caveman Q, Neanderthal Q, and Homo Erectus Q try to advance their society.

Gitem is awarded the crown, a flat cap in the style Q always wears, and he immediately clips his LED sign onto it.

Music:

 

#355: The 2017 Overdose Full Special

Description:

A holy visitor guides TESD through the depths of hell to rescue the Baron.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Father Lance

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Ming Chen

Mike Zapcic

Chris Laudando

Quotes:

“Welcome to Hell, Father Lance. I see you brought your two altar boys with you, the Alt-Left and the Alt-Right.” – Chris

“Chris I can’t believe you’re still here with the oppressive heat. I would have thought a snowflake like you would have melted a long time ago.” – Father Lance.

Reoccurring Segment:

Dyslexia

What Would Sunday Jeff Do

Games Played:

Roast-off, Dyslexia, I Sell Comics Quiz, What Would Sunday Jeff Do

Memorable Moments:

“The first video enhanced Podcast.

Bryan shows off his bloody tampon in a mini sombrero costume as he reads a Good Housekeeping list of offensive costumes.

Q channels his inner Madea and pronounces the word “”Scared”” as “”Scurred”” the entire episode.

Baron Von Flanagan’s soul is trapped in hell for reading one too many facts. Bry, Q, and Father Lance must travel to hell to rescue him. To do this they must best four demons at their own game.

Their first oponent is Chris Laudando the Roaster of Souls, who Father Lance must beat in a Roast competition.

Their second challenge is given by Gitem the Jack-Off-Lantern, Gitem in a green suit with his face painted, who challenges them to a game of Dyslexia. Q’s lack of humility gets him into trouble as the Baron makes him answer question after question until he learns his place.

Third Father Lance is confronted by the two headed demon Mike and Ming and must endure a hellish recording of I Hell Comics about the top five Hell related comic characters and then answer trivia questions about the conversation.

The final challenge is given by the angel Sunday Jeff who gives them a quick game of What Would Sunday Jeff Do.

After all four challenges are complete the Baron reveals that his soul was never in danger after all and then proceeds to steal the soul of everyone who purchased a mini Prussian Skull.”

Link to video footage!

The Cochlear Album

Pod Description:

Visit https://tesdimplants.bandcamp.com/releases

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

Games Played:

Dyslexia

Reoccurring Segment:

Listener Questions

Memorable Moments:

Some Q-centric listener questions reveals a perfect date would include museums, a romantic boat ride and bob Dylan atop the Empire State Building.

Q reveals what it would take to get him and sal into playgirl.

Big Darryl asks some pretty bizarre questions about sticking extra body parts on women and what animals the boys would fuck.

Walt makes a not so subtle point with the happiest Dyslexia game yet.

The tweet bird killer, the brown collar killer, the VP slayer and the Tinman are on the loose inTESD town