#524: Cletus’ World

Featured Image by @TESDTown

Description:

Bry witnesses a savage attack, Q has a new best friend, are cats aliens?

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Frank 5

Mentioned Person

Game

Quotes:

So everyone sounds like Donald Duck? -Walt 

He does have a memory for grievances, this ‘spite file’ – Q

This is fucking bullshit!-Q

You go to Ohio, you’re worshipped like a god. I go to Ohio, I have to move furniture for two straight days sweating like a fucking pig!- Bry

I was waiting for some pizza or something, maybe an acknowledgment of my humanity.- Bry

I tried to convince him we went to high school together but he was a good twenty years younger than me. – Bryan

I gotta watch Moonraker I can’t move these couches!- Bry

There’s nothing wrong with a little buck teeth! He’s hot as hell! – Walt about Cletus

How about a sweet tea & A- Bry as Maribeth

Memorable Moments:

Walt ponders how Frank 5 could usurp Sunday Jeff’s top spot in TESD favorite guests.

Bryan recounts his trip to Ohio to help move furniture and pick up some things for his new house. Walt asks why he didn’t just hire movers. Bry and Walt once helped Kevin move back in the day only to find out he didn’t have anything packed ahead of time and once they got to the new location he got into a big fight with his girlfriend and retired to his room without any thanks to the boys. Walt never remembers the slights in his life.

During his visit to Ohio Bryan witness Maribeth’s aunt’s dog Dante (Snoogans) maul a groundhog. Bryan tried to turn the hose on it but Dante was not deterred. He got Maribeth to take care of it.

Q was disrespected by a hawk that would not respond to his attempts to shoo it away from eating a squirrel. He tried to do a post mortem autopsy to make sure it wasn’t his friend Stumpy. He buried the dead squirrel in a poison ivy patch unintentionally and is dealing with the repercussions. Q is now worried about taking walks with Benjamin Cat.

Bry has to return to New Jersey early so leaves Maribeth to finish packing the Pod to have things sent back. On his way back he gets a speeding ticket and believes he was profiled due to his NJ license plate. Q posits what would happen if one of Maribeth’s old beaus finds out that she’s back in town without her husband. Walt, apparently confused about the geography of Ohio, names this hypothetical ex Cletus and the playacting that follows will go down in TESD history.

Q’s latest celebrity best friend is Dr. Craig, the shark doctor that saved Q’s hand when a shark mistook it for a squid in the water.

Subway restaurants offer free food for life for the first person to get a 12×12 tattoo of a foot long. Bryan asks how much would they have to offer to get a tattoo of Jared.

Poland labels cats as an invasive alien species.

Scientist’s finally acknowledge that a species of lake creatures similar to Nessie could be possible due to fossils found.

Science refutes Cosmo by asserting that Blue Balls is a real medical condition.

Walt goes to see Chicago and the Beach Boys, Q goes to see the Grateful Dead.

Tell Em Steve-Dave’s 2021 Overkill Christmas

Description:

Join the Tell ‘Em Steve-Dave family for the 11th annual TESD Christmas pod! This Christmas shall be one to remember, for this Christmas is an Overkill Christmas.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Sunday Jeff

Tom Miloszewski

Tim the Record Store Clerk

Quotes:

“That’s why the Romans invented ‘Persona non Grata'”- Bryan

“I don’t ever remember life without him” – Q about Git’em

“Fuck these Yorkies.” – Q

“People will be saying ‘Prussian Who'” – Q

“Close da Windahs yer motha’s cold!” – Tim as his dad.

“All the Bumble can do is gum Santa’s ass.” – Walt

“You got to give him the Jewish handicap.” – Q

“You’ll shit your eye out, kid!” – Sunday Jeff

“He’s got an erection like George Bailey!” -Walt

“Your nostalgia is meaningless to me.” – Bry

“I never realized you were such a fuckin’ bully.” – Tim to Walt

“It comes out of ineptitude.”- Walt

“To quote Q, fuck your kids.” – Bryan

“Hey these sausage fingers do a lot of work.” -Q

Games / Reoccuring Segments

Overkill

Memorable Moments:

In this, the 11th annual Christmas episode, Tim the Record Store Clerk is here to judge everyone’s choices to certain scenarios and award coveted plastic rings to the winner of each category.

Q teases the unveiling of a new haunted artifact that will be even more wonderous than the Prussian Kissing Devil Skull.

Tim recalls his childhood Christmas memories, including needing stitches after slicing his hand open with a can of cranberries.

First Scenario: Create the perfect Human Santapede where two holiday characters must be sewed mouth to anus to Santa Claus

Tom: Santa – Grinch – Mr. Potter

Git’em: Santa – Scut Farkus – Mr. Potter

Walt: Santa – George Bailey – Bing Crosby (they all have erections for some reason).

Bry: Santa – Bumble – Tiny Tim

Q: Santa – Redeemed Scrooge – Cindy Lou Who

Sunday Jeff: Santa – Clark Griswald – Happy the New Year Baby

Ming: Santa – Buddy the Elf – Ralphie

Second Scenario: What was the best toy Santa ever left for you.

Tom: LJN Hulk Hogan rubber figure.

Git’em: An Apple Macintosh computer

Walt: Electric Football

Bry: Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle

Q: Optimus Prime figure

Sunday Jeff: The Kenner Millennium Falcon

Ming: GI Joe hovercraft (given by an Aunt since Santa never came to him)

Third Scenario: Replace Santa’s 8 reindeer with other creatures or beings from pop culture

Tom: A Mogwai he would feed and get wet to make winged Gremlins from Gremlins 2.

Git’em: Iron Man, War Machine, Captain Marvel, Scarlet Witch, Vision, Thor, Hawkeye and Quicksilver

Walt: The Universal Monsters

Bry: The Brady Bunch

Q: The Cenobites

Sunday Jeff: Boba Fett, Xenomorphs, Predator, Robocop, T-800, Stripe, Darth Vader and General Ursus

Ming: John McClane, Hans Gruber, Rocky Balboa, Ivan Drago, Riggs, Murtaugh, Arnold from Jingle all the Way, and Ben Affleck from Reindeer Games.

Fourth Scenario: All time Greatest Christmas Song

Tom: I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas

Git’em: Christmas Wrapping

Walt: The Christmas Song

Bry: Christmas Eve Sarajevo

Q: Fairytale of New York

Sunday Jeff: Father Christmas

Ming: Christmas in Hollis

Fifth Scenario: Best Christmas show or special

Tom: Saved by the Bell

Git’em: M.A.S.H. “Death takes a Holiday”

Walt: Happy Days “Guess who’s coming to Christmas.”

Bry: Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Q: South Park “Spirit of Christmas”

Sunday Jeff: Twilight Zone “Night of the Meek”

Ming: Silver Spoons “Best Christmas Ever”

Sixth Scenario: How would inserting Santa into another movie change it

Tom: Santa in Jaws

Git’em: Santa in Psycho

Walt: Santa in The Exorcist

Bry: Santa in The Thing

Q: Santa in The Omen

Sunday Jeff: Santa in Cannibal Holocaust

Ming: Santa in Alien

Q unveils his latest purchase of magical or haunted artifacts from an underground black market known as The Night Fair: Krumpy the Elf found in Siberia in 1902 and enslaved before dying from a lack of Candy Canes. Q warns that Santa might be coming for it.

#500: It’s The Big One

Description:

TESD welcomes a host of guests to celebrate their 500th episode.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Sal Vulcano

Dave Wyndorf

Tim the Record Store Clerk

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“If Walt doesn’t take a shot I’d say ‘No Big Deal'”- Q

“I’m gonna do an 8-ball” – Walt

“She’ll pour Aldi’s on your grave” – Sal to Bry

“We’re fuckin’ romantics, bro” – Q

“There’s not one quack in the whole god damned song.” – Bry

“Ok, I haven’t understood a single game all night.” -Sal

“Do you remember meeting him on episode 100 with all those cams in his house? He don’t do that no more, cuz his house burnt down.” – Walt to Dave about Git’em

Games Played:

What’s On the Menu: Cranberry Sauce, Creamed Corn or Apple Pie

One True Three:

Story 1 – Walt calls the cops on some fishy postal workers who aren’t in uniform.

Story 2 – Walt joshes around with a postal worker when asked about the contents of the package leading to alot of paper work for them.

Story 3 – Post office door crushes Walt and a worker curses him out for breaking it.

Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists

Q v Dave: Love Songs

Q’s picks – Elvis: Wonder of You, Sam Cook: Wonderful World, and Dolly Parton: Islands in the Stream

Dave’s picks – Etta James: At Last, Unchained Melody, Bing Crosby: True Love

Sal V Bry: Novelty Songs

Bry’s picks – Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer, Disco Duck, Monster Mash

Sal’s picks – Mean One Mr. Grinch, Pac-Man Fever, and Weird Al’s Fat

Two Love Crew or One Middle Aged Jew

Git’em to know Q

What does Git’em do during phone sex?

Another household object he finds erotic?

What was a time he masturbated that wasn’t sexual motivated?

Who is an unlikely sex object.

Family Feud

Which other baby would you go back in time to kill?

What are reasons people hate Tom Brady?

Dyslexia

Memorable Moments:

Sal and Q tease a possible return of What Say You

Q wants to bring a fog machine to Black Friday to make a spooky chamber of horror.

Sal says coming on TESD is like getting to play like kids again.

Maribeth is switching brands of things on Bryan. Walt’s wife did this once but then the detergent she bought gave Walt 3rd degree burns.

Bry and Q versus Sal and Dave to play for two long term listeners.

#485: Westward Ho!

*Featured image by @sundayjeff

Pod Description:

Q is regaled as Bry, Walt, and Frank5 recount their vacation. Bry seeks counsel on answering a strange text.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Frank 5

ReOccuring Segments

Quotes:

“We were jonesing for real pizza. Hey man, where’s the Sbarros at?” – Walt

“I swear to God everything we’re about to tell you about this fucking tour guide is gospel.” – Walt

“Frank pussied out.” – Walt

“I feel like if society ended I’d have a hard time bringing back a lot of technology but I bet I could make this whistle work.” – Q

“Come on Smodfan” – Bry “Curator!” – Walt

“We are going to die on this trip I know it.” – Walt

“Not all heroes wear capes” – Frank 5. “Some just wear a frown sitting in a Mongolian restaurant.” – Walt

“You don’t want to go to St. Louis, you’ll get shot.” – Walt

“It’s like a tourist attraction where they rape you.” – Walt

“We’re like crack addicts driving around Pheonix looking for Sbarros.” – Walt

“Everyone salutes the 4 Color Demon flag.” – Bry

“who knows what dangers we’ll face after this, possibly our final, dinner together on this planet” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Frank #5 calls in to help recap the trip to the Grand Canyon. One of the first stops was to the Columbus Zoo and a Whistle Factory for an hour and a half tour where the guide insisted on using a mic the whole time despite there being only 5 people in their group.

Q reveals that he bribes zookeepers so he gets more personal interactions with the animals.

On the first night they all go to a Mongolian restaurant and Walt heroically goes along with it. The second day the guys go to an L.L. Bean and take a picture in front of a giant boot. They all decide to go to the Mayberry Cafe to eat in the idyllic 1950s town of the Andy Griffith Show. Frank #5 has car trouble where he can’t drive over 40 mph. He takes it to a dealership to be looked at but then no one will come pick him up for lunch. When asked for fun things to do in town the waitress suggests setting fires in a field and hanging out at Walmart.

The group goes to flea markets and outlet stores in Indiana. Bry starts to feel ill and considers staying behind an extra day and just catch up later. Eventually he and Maribeth make the decision to head back to NJ.

The Fives and the Flanagans find a town where they have giant versions of items like in the Fortress of Solitude.

After all the concerned emails from Ants the group do not end up hiking to the bottom of the canyon and instead stick to the touristy areas like the chocolate fountain and the pizza parlor.

Walt encounters the most condescending tour guide he has ever met in his life at a Jeep off-roading excursion. She hated Walt for asking questions and was jealous when he talked to another guide about squirrels with the Bubonic plague. The tour guide also was extremely angry with BLM – the Bureau of Land Management.

The group visits Tombstone Arizona.

The group then goes on a Breaking Bad tour in New Mexico.

Walt and family go to the most dangerous mall in America where there were firearm sniffing dogs and posters warning about car break-ins and the carrying of guns. A waitress with a black tear drop tattoo angrily served them while staring down Alicia.

The group visit Metropolis IL.

It is revealed that Frank 5 bags up his trash to throw out at his dad’s house rather than pay for privatized waste management.

Walt gifts Bryan with Blue Sky rock candy from the Breaking Bad tour and a Frankenstein head gear shift.

Frank 5 backs down from a steak eating challenge.

A Green Chef ad has Walt mistaking Paleo for Paedo.

Git’em annoys Bryan by asking if Sage and Maribeth like waffles and then sending him a picture of a lewd waffle maker.

The 2020 TESD XMAS Special – The Christmas K.I.S.S.

Buy it on Bandcamp or Patreon!

Description:

Grab some egg not, flip the yule log on the TV and cozy up with Bryan, Walt, BQ, Sunday Jeff, Ming, Git’em and Tom for the 2020 Tell’em Steve-Dave Christmas Special: The Christmas K.I.S.S. This year we go back to the basics! Banter, games, rapping and more! Merry Christmas TESD Town!

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Sunday Jeff

Tom Miloszewski

Quotes:

“This is how you wormed your way onto the table!” – Walt to Git’em

“You know you’re definitely gonna be a widow right?” – Bry to Maribeth

“Orphan is the new midget.” – Walt

“I’m glad there’s no video so they can’t see me sweating.” – Tom

“I already have like 12 other accounts to go after him. Tom ruined Christmas!” – Git’em

“It doesn’t look like a tattoo anymore, it looks like a mole that needs to be looked at by a doctor.” – Walt to Ming

“Just remember, Tom’s the chef, you take out the trash when he’s done!” – Sunday Jeff

“You know how screaming at Bob Barker makes him a better game show host.” – Bry

“I’m going to have to start recognizing Tom’s basic humanity.” – Q

“Anything outside Monmouth County is the Forbidden Zone.” – Sunday Jeff about Walt.

“When’s that sweet bald man coming back to spend Christmas with us?” – Walt’s family about Sunday Jeff

“He was the Fonzie to your Cunninghams.” – Git’em

“We need to get your seed in a willing bearer.” – Q

“Tell’em Steve Dave is the Island of Misfit Toys, it’s all fucked up in here.” – Q

“He gets the Johnson list of grievences out and prepares to read them.” – Q

“Strangely her maiden name was Johnson so who knows how inbred we are.” – Bryan

“I know if he spend more than 10 minutes with you he’d know what a bad decision he made going to your dinner instead of mine!” – Walt to Ming about Tom Brady

Games / Reoccuring Segments

Cryptic Riddles

Dyslexia

I Fought the Law and the Law One

High Ho Ho Low

Snow Ballin’

Family Feud

Character Guessing Game

Rap Battle

Memorable Moments:

Tom gets to sit at the table this year instead of on the floor like in 2019. This time Tom acts at game master to allow Walt to play along with Bry and Q against Git’em, Ming, and Sunday Jeff. No stakes this year, just bragging rights.

Walt tells of how he tried to get rid of Git’em for the 2013 Christmas show after they finished recording the Fiasco Pod but he stuck around and produced gold with his retelling of his worst holiday memories.

Bry begins his own Christmas tradition by tailoring his tree to precisely his taste with horror themed ornaments and not using any cheap generic ones or hand me downs from Pam. Walt’s tradition of driving around looking at Christmas lights is going to change up a little this year as his youngest daughter will be the driver.

The Christmas Special is split between games and Christmas Chats.

Chat #1: Christmas Present. What does it feel like to be sitting together again for the 10th annual TESD XMas pod?

Game #1: Cryptic Riddles. In an effort to reduce player rage, Tom actually explains the rules of the game and how the riddles work. This combined with giving helpful (easy) clues leads to a perfect score for both teams. Walt questions if people are going to enjoy a game where everyone gets the right answers and there is no in-fighting. Ming, a Catholic, questions the validity of the Immaculate Conception.

Game #2: Dyslexia. Once again the clues provided by Tom lead to both teams solving most of these clues. Ming accidentally tells Mike he’ll see him at the TESD Christmas Pod, despite the fact he wasn’t invited. Is a Pole Vault the opposite of a Cane? Q has been re-watching I Love Lucy and is amazed at how funny it still is this day and age.

Chat #2: Christmas Future. Each person discusses their hopes and dreams of Christmas’ yet to come. Bry plans to drive up to hang out with Q Christmas Night but Walt thinks as a newlywed that plan will be squashed. Git’em wants to start a family and plant Christmas trees. Sunday Jeff spent a few Christmas’ with the Flanagan family and everyone had a great time.

Game #3: I Fought the Law and the Law One. Tom has a series of three Christmas related laws the teams have to guess which are true.

Game #4: High Ho Ho Low. Tom teaches an economics class as most of these questions are about commerce.

Chat #3: If a Christmas Carol was real and you could invite one person from Christmas Past, Present, and Future to dinner who would you? Q chooses Git’em’s future child, Walt chooses present Tom Brady, and Bry chooses his Grandmother. Git’em chooses his past self to try and warn him of his fate, Ming also chooses Tom Brady to steal him from Walt, and Sunday Jeff confusingly picks a future George Lucas to ask him a series of fanboy questions.

Game #5: Snow Ballin’. Tom gives the name of a sex act he found in a women’s health magazine and the guys have to guess what it entails.

Game #6: Family Feud.

Game #7: Holiday Character Guessing Game.

Game #8: Rap Battle

#457: The Meundies 2020 TESD Halloween Spooktacular

Featured Image by @4CDuca3650

Pod Description:

Prepare for an episode choc-a-bloc full of sassy spirits, cheeky poltergeists and a very special visit from a horror icon.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Baron Von Flanagan

The White Baron

Svengoolie

Git’emvira: Mistress of the Dark

Tomzoolie

Tim the Record Store Clerk

Sunday Jeff

Ming Chen

Mike Zapcic

Troy

Father Lance

SargeL18 and Teleahqua

Chris Laudando

Maxwell

Kevin Smith

Declan Quinn

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“You know what that means Q, TESD is done with the charity game! Now it’s all about Barons and elevating and becoming Demigods!”- Baron Von Flanagan

“You’re less than half a man if you lose tonight.” – Baron Von Flanagan to White Baron

“With a quick photoshop and a different word, Q is out of a job!” – Bryan

“He lost a hell of a lot more than being a Baron that night.” – Baron von Flanagan if Q loses his livelihood.

“He looks like Slash’s corpse.” – Bryan about Tomzoolie

“The podcast cutie that makes all the boys stand up and salutey.” – Git’emvira

“He’s not even on camera and he’s walking with a swish around the store!” – White Baron about Git’emvira

“There are no tricks.” – Walt

“Except the ones that Git’em are turning out on Broad Street.” – Bryan

“He looks like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns.” – White Baron about Tomzoolie

“Mistress of the not-dark-enough.” – Bryan about Git’emvira

“2020 has been shit for everybody, except Bryan Johnson.” – Baron von Flanagan.

“Donut on a stick? That shouldn’t be erotic, right?” – Baron von Flanagan.

Games Played

Baron Trivia Contest

Physical Challenges

Dyslexia

Memorable Moments:

Walt announces that this will be the first of three Halloween podcasts released this October. This audio version is available for free with the video available to all tiers on the TESD patreon. The All New Sunday Jeff Show and Father von Flanagan Halloween episodes to come in the following weeks.

Svengoolie introduces the 2020 TESD Halloween Spectacular.

Baron von Flanagan tells us that by the end of the show either Bryan, Sunday Jeff or Q the White Baron will be elevated to a brand new member of the Colored Cadre of Fiends. If Q comes in third place he will be stripped of his White Baron title and that given to whoever comes in second place.

Walt announces his displeasure that not one newspaper or news station covered the fact that TESD donated “10 Grand!” to a local NJ orphanage last Christmas. Q says the same thing happened after the Tenderloins donated the entire ticket sales to Manchester Strong after the bombing.

Q gets too hot under the rubber mask of the White Baron so to compromise he offers to write “White Baron” on his Covid facemask. Walt and Bry tell him that might be misconstrued and come back to bite him on the ass.

Baron von Flanagan announces his co-hosts: Tomzoolie and Git’emvira.

The Contest to determine the newest Baron is unveiled. Tomzoolie has created a Jeopardy-like board of question categories that the contestants can choose from 5 different difficulty levels. In addition all 4 and 5 point questions come along with a physical challenge to be performed by Git’emvira to win extra points.

The question categories are as follows: A Southern Gentleman’s Askew View where Brian Maxwell gives a skewed synopsis of famous horror movies from the perspective of the villain. TESD Town Hall where a different member of TESD town gives horror movie trivia. Cliff’s Quotes where Ming Chen gives a unique take on a famous horror movie quote. What’s in a Title where a horror movie poster is revealed with the title removed.

The physical challenges are as follows: Skeleton Limbo, Make Q Laugh, Apple Cider Chug, Belt of Hot Dogs, Candy Bar Challenge, Ghost Bowling, Balloon Popping, Guess how many Candy Corn, Horror Movie Charade, and Donut on a Stick.

Q begins to question if Tom is slowly replacing Git’em in Walt’s affections.

A young Bryan Johnson was obsessed with a man’s dick in the old horror movie “Ghost Story”

The final challenge is to uncover the Dyslexia clues to complete the poem to summon the newest member of the Colored Cadre of Fiends.

“Glittery Knight, oh so fierce and mighty, like some 24 karat Charles Nelson Reilly. Baptized in countless showers of demonic pee, more flamboyant and fabulous than Liberace!” -Poem to summon the Golden Baron

The Gold Baron can only read facts about fabulous celebrities like Judy Garland.

#452: Die on Every Hill

*Featured image by Eric Mason

Description:

Bry and his boys retire to a cave to record the bachelor party of the Pandemic. Trigger warning: spotty sound in the beginning.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Ming Chen

Erik Johnson

Darin Johnson

Frank 5

Troy

Quotes:

“The only think I wanted to be was normal.” – Erik

“I fuckin hate you more every time I look at you.” – Erik

“Oh fuck, she’s fuckin’ somebody” – Erik

“I think Erik’s been on the West Coast too long. He just met Frank 5 and within two seconds of meeting him is like ‘I can examine your prostate'” – Walt

“You know how many actual hot girls there are in the world? It’s not that many you wanna go poking around in vaginas.” – Q on Gynocologists.

“It’s worth sticking that finger where it’s gotta go.” – Walt

“I met Maribeth’s father, does he know how old you are?” – Walt

“You know what’s really funny is you throw a wedding in the middle of a worldwide pandemic and you’re like ‘what an asshole for not coming.'” – Q

“Edgar made every hill his own.” – Bry

“It doesn’t matter how comfortable you make her, just let her know you could always leave her, you gotta keep her in fear.” – Erik’s marriage advice

“There’s a vagrant with a brown finger in my neighborhood!” – Bry as Walt about Erik.

“He’s right, we turned off the lights and played ‘Who’s in my mouth'” -Troy about his bachelor party.

“You really think you can be happy?” – Erik about Bry

Memorable Moments:

This episode was recorded at Bryan Johnson’s bachelor party at the Gramercy Mansion in Maryland.

The TESD crew discuss previous bachelor parties. Walt’s was held at a NJ Devil’s game whereas Erik took everyone to a Drag Bar called Aunt Charlie’s.

Erik reveals that in medical school future doctors train using paid prostate models who get hundreds of fingers up their ass all day long.

Walt insists that after the wedding Bryan will become the favored Johnson son.

Bry feels getting married makes him feel much more like an adult.

Gitem turned down going to the wedding so he could man the Stash.

Erik flexes his prosperity by sending picture of his new Malibu beach house to Bry.

Comic Book Men producer Brian Nashel was told by his wife he could not travel during Covid to go to the wedding.

A drunk and bitter Erik Johnson does not agree with the Happy Wife, Happy Life advice given by the other married people at the party. It is revealed he and his wife are separating after her infidelity.

The Johnson brothers recall a time Pam hid in a closet trying to stab herself in the stomach with a knife in front of the kids. Erik diagnoses her with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Walt considers standing up after the officiant announces Bryan and Maribeth man and wife and shouting “Tell’em Steve Dave!”

Q announces he will be officiating the ceremony. Ming reminds everyone both he and Mike are also licensed to preside over weddings.

Walt tells Bry he was feeling nervous for him driving down, but that he is glad Bryan is finally at a place where he will allow himself to be happy.

Fahrenheit 148

Pod Description:

Please purchase at https://gitemstevedave.bandcamp.com/

Chicago 1871, San Francisco 1906, Farmingdale 2019…these are the fires that history will remember. Join Bry, Walt and Q along with Git ‘Em Steve Dave as he recounts what it was like to receive the call no one wants to receive…the one telling them that their former residence pretty much looks like an ashtray from a 1970’s Elks Club. Spare a dime, brother so Git ‘Em can get back to his “normal” life.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Quotes:

“You might be a suspect in the fire.” – Q to Walt after hearing he returned to Gitem’s house three days in a row for a Patreon shoot.

“I speak Gitem and I speak Fireman so I was able to translate.” – Q

“You probably knew at some point you’d be helping Gitem bury bodies in his backyard.” – Bry to Q

“It’s going to take more than two of you to take me down.” – Gitem to the cops trying to keep him from rushing into his house.

“I should be your fuckin’ Queer Eye for the Gitem Guy.” – Walt about purchasing Gitem new clothes.

“I only knew it was your dad when I heard him looking for a Puerto Rican to shoot.” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

Walt, Bryan, Q and Gitem tell of a fire that devastated Gitem’s house in late July 2019.  On the day of the tragedy nearly all of TESD town were gathered at the stash recording an episode of Tell ‘Em Steve Dave and were on their way to the Monmouth County Fair to finally fulfill their vision from #236: Mub of doing a Making Hay trip to the fair.  Sunday Jeff was dressed in farmers overalls and Gitem in a sleeveless shirt depicting a mulleted Eagle.

Git’Em receives the call from a family friend while everyone was en-route to the fair in a long caravan.   As Gitem speeds to his house to survey the damage Walt, Bry, Q and Sunday Jeff decide they should be with him in his time of need and abandon their plans to film at the fair.  Luckily Walt had been creating Patreon content over the last few weeks and despite having known him for almost a decade only recently found out where he lived.

As a former fireman Q instantly goes into first responder mode and takes charge of the situation, talking with the police officer who was threatening to arrest Git’em if he didn’t settle down.  All the police and fire fighters were very professional, not one asked Q for a selfie.

After the fire is put out Q and Git’em enter the house to survey the damage.  Git’em takes a still cold beer from his ruined fridge and begins drinking.

Sadly both of Gitem’s cats perished in the fire, Q and he bury the bodies in Gitem’s pet cemetery.

The guys meet Gitem’s father, who was mentioned in NYC Podfest 2016: The Long Burn during Gitem’s 1-True-3.  Gitem’s is happily surprised to see that his son has friends at all, let alone such good ones.

 

#418: QISS

Featured Image by @bqquinn

Description:

Bry goes to a kid’s party. Q rocks out in fellowship with an unlikely compatriot

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Maribeth

Quotes:

“I’m out here selling drugs, oh!” – Q as Jay

“How’s your tits, baby?” – Bry as Q as Jay

“Nah, I can’t do it.  I can’t read.” – Walt

“I just sell out arenas, what the fuck do I know.” – Q about comedy

“Titans of industry like Dante and his girlfriend.” – Bry

“Asbury Park looked like Bosnia before the gays started moving in fixing the place up.” – Bry

“I’ll get to it when I get to it.  I’m busy being gorgeous and famous.” – Bry as Q

“Dat’s da real Cat Man.  Meooow Petah!” – Walt as Q

“Did Sunday Jeff out-kiss KISS?” – Bry

“He can’t fuckin form sentences!” – Walt about Sunday Jeff

“Who the fuck is that old man he’s with?  Is that his father?” – Twitter Comments

Memorable Moments:

Bry and Walt attend the Clerks 3 reading to save The First Avenue Playhouse where Kevin held auditions for Clerks.  Bryan gets recruited to read lines up on stage by Ernie O’Donnell, Walt declines the invitation.  Q thinks they should rename the theater after Kevin.

Brian O’Halloran’s girlfriend is very proud of her gated community.  Bryan has to knock her down a peg by bringing up how much it must snow up there.  Walt mishears and thinks they live in a Gay Community.  Q mentions that would be even luckier with how the gays improve property values.

Walt emasculates Bryan when he overhears him asking Maribeth to get him almonds.

Q takes Sunday Jeff to the Prudential Center to see KISS and gives him the VIP treatment.  Walt and Bryan do not receive invitations.  Q cites a negative experience the pair had with Gene while shooting Comic Book Men and how Bry embarrassed Quinn at the Iron Maiden show.  Q tells how he practically runs the Prudential and can go anywhere and park wherever he wants.  Sunday Jeff rocks out doing air guitar and high fiving Q whenever a new song starts.  Walt keeps trying to rain on Quinn’s parade by telling him the band is actually lip syncing and that it’s not the real KISS anyway and practically a cover band since half the original line-up is missing.

 

Bryan and Maribeth are in suburban hell at a Descendants 3 party at one of Sage’s friends house where the other guests all talk about their kids and their jobs and laugh at how the hosts’ names are Brian and Marybeth but their names are Bryan and Maribeth!  Bry livens up the party by making jokes about Maribeths young age and tells stories of Sage’s father hanging himself.

#318: Q’z Brewz is one step closer with BQ reviving a classic Staten Island beer company, Rubsam & Horrmann Brewing Company.  There is a launch party later in September with Sal and Bryan as special guest bartenders.  Q mentions that he designed the label to include some TESD easter eggs.

QBrew.jpg

#400.1: Making Haystory

*Featured Image by Chuck Staton

Description:

Part 2 of the best episode of the best podcast ever. Famous TESDtown residents stop by to play some games.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git ‘Em Steve-Dave

Troy

Sunday Jeff

Father Lance

Chris Laudando

Frank #5

Quotes:

“This is my time to shine!” – Sunday Jeff

“Mike, do you want to touch it with a ten foot pole?” – Ming

“I was waiting for this podcast to be aborted” – Chris Laudando

“How many times, Sunday Jeff, do you go on the internet and it’s NOT accidental? – Bry

“Excuse me, I just gotta wipe this shit off my lip.” – Q

Games Played:

All Apologies:  Multiple choice questions about a scenario which demanded a real life apology.  If you guess wrong you must give an emphatic apology about a theoretical scenario which will be judged.

Elephants in the Room:  Each team must give a two minute podcast on Hot Button topics.

Cryptic Riddles:  Figure out Blue Baron’s cryptic riddles to guess an overall topic.

Are You Smarter than a 148:  Gitem and the contestants both must answer tricky questions.  If Gitem gets it wrong and you get it right you get double points.

Professor Impresser:  Give a speech about how life would be different if certain hypotheticals were true.

Memorable Moments:

Walt and Gitem host this all game episode as teams I Sell Comics, TESD, and SunTroy Jeff go head to head to head.  Father Lance, Chris Laudando, and Mr and Mr.s 5 act as judges.

Walt pulls an audible halfway through All Apologies when the teams keep getting the questions right and demands they all give an apology.

Chris Laudando starts giving scores including decimal points up to the thousandths place to throw off Gitem’s score-keeping.

The Blue Baron returns to give more cryptic riddles.  Bry and Q are much better this time around.

Music:

Vicky Pezza – No Need to Roofie