“He looks like someone stuck an air hose into his anus.” -Walt
“I ate there breakfast, lunch and dinner that day.” – Bry about the gay McDonalds.
“We are all Richies, Potsies and Ralph Malphs.” – Walt
Brian Quinn is back and discusses the heinous assault at the hands of the JAS on AEW. He claims he isn’t supposed to say much because there are lawyers involved. Bry suggests Q follow a Liver King diet to get ripped and have his revenge.
A flamboyant McDonald’s worker gives Bry a compliment. Sage teases Bryan calling Troy his boyfriend.
Bry asks Q’s opinion about the Ming ” Me Chinese” joke he pitched last week.
Don Lemon is called sexist after claiming women in their 50s are past their prime. The guys wonder aren’t they all past their prime? Walt says Git’ems intellect is only growing as he ages.
Debbie Flanagan has been requesting Git’em to help with more things around the house and takes him shopping for appliances because he knows all the right questions to ask. Walt has him doing odd jobs as part of his TESD salary.
Debbie has been on bed rest for six weeks so Walt needs to run the household. The first night he forgets to take dogs out and they piss on the carpet.
After his health scare Walt wants to live more. He says he might agree to go on the next cruise for live shows.
An archaeologist finds an ancient Roman dildo. Would Q turn it into a museum if something like that was discovered on his property?
“You’re talkin about one friend suckin’ another friends dick.” – Q
“I would never disown any episode of TESD, maybe the ones I wasn’t on.” – Walt
“Double fisting networks.” – Walt
“They were castrated.” – Bry
“Rare chance I’m wrong” – Git’em
“It’s a blast, I talk about my dead cat.” – Q
“We don’t got jobs but we got balls!”- Bryan
“Oh what’s that, a tail between my legs? How’d that get there?” – Bryan about Walt’s apology.
Impractical Jokers celebrates the start of season 10: 12 years of making people laugh. Brett Michaels and Paul Rudd appear on the premier. Walt asks if it’s easier for famous people to get along with other famous people. Kal Penn’s agents tell the Jokers not to talk about Harold and Kumar but Kal himself loved discussing it.
Bryan asks if the Jokers would promote their new tour the same cringeworthy way that Madonna announced hers with her sitting around a table with celebrities playing truth or dare.
Bryan, Quinn and Sunday Jeff are going to discuss the cult classic Basket Case on an upcoming Sunday Grind.
Frank 5’s love of onion rings is so great that he subjects himself to extreme digestive distress. Q wears the Frank 5 pin in an episode of Jokers this season.
Walt jokes Mike joined the mile high club when he went up in the Batcopter on Comic Book Men. Walt remembers seeing a tweet diatribe claiming all the show was was Bryan making gay jokes and that’s why it never got more viewers and were cancelled.
Bryan asks Walt and Q their opinions on a hypothetical plan by the Prank Superstar. He wants Troy to call Maribeth’s parents saying they did a well fare check and ask if they’ve heard from her, that Bryan was not cooperating with the investigation to make them believe Bry killed their daughter. No one thinks it would be funny.
If Kevin, Mike, and Ming are all murdered three weeks apart how would Bry or Walt change up their daily routine to avoid the same grisly fate. How long before they realize they are targeting the cast of Comic Book Men. Walt says he’d go on a long sabbatical, put up a Ring system and a beware of dog sign.
Walt’s doctor is revealed to be a listener after he calls him after hearing the last episode to reassure him the stinging was normal. Q asks if he tried to upsell the doc to subscribe to Patreon.
Tom Brady eliminated in the play offs. Walt worries for his future. Git’em claims to have inside information from someone that works at Giant Stadium (Git’em’s Dad) that the Jets are going to sign Brady for two years and are changing the turf to grass solely for Tom’s benefit. Walt brings Git’em to the table to question him on this bombshell as he wants TESD to be the first to report it. Is Git’em worried that the big wigs might find out who leaked the info?
Walt and Git’em challenge Bryan and Quinn to a game of All Apologies where they will be graded on apolgizing for hypothetical situations provided to them. Q made a formal apology for the Ching Chong Song despite not ever being called out on it. Walt once made a public apology for something he said on TESD that he didn’t find women funny and Kev’s wife Jen blasted him on Twitter 10 days before the show premiers.
“Why am I sitting here marveling at the fact a Grandma can be younger than me?” – Bryan
Does Flanagan-less mean rudderless? Bryan doesn’t go to Reddit but Chuck reports back to him with the hot takes.
Kenny Rubenis starts an Instagram illustrating classic Tell’em Steve Dave moments: TESDComics
Quinn ponders what it would be like to have a Chuck on staff to make all his dreams come true.
Q takes what is owed him from the Green Rooms on tour by absconding with all the Fiji water.
Bryan goes to Orlando over his birthday and stays away from all the big parks, loved the relaxed feeling. He visits Gatorland. One exhibit is literally just a raccoon. Q remembers having to wrestle an alligator for his backpack in an episode of Impractical Jokers.
Bryan annoyed by a giant Ferris wheel which was sticky, made him stand the whole time, and would start and stop for 20 minutes.
Maribeth wanted to go on the Slingshot, Bryan says you are just asking to have a cable snap and be shot into the air. The ticket taker says they don’t do that anymore “since the accident”. A 14 year old kid fell from the harness and died.
Hot Grandma at the pool took a shine to Sage when she was playing in the pool. She was younger than Bry, in a bikini with a belly ring. Her husband was good looking too making Bry self conscious.
A Denny’s waitress gets too personal by describing why she can’t eat any grain.
Maribeth wins a portrait for her and Bryan from a local business. They claim a 2,500 dollar value. Bry wonders what the catch is, the up-sale is for the frame and matting. Bryan does not want to have it done as someone that doesn’t like getting his picture taken. Where would one even hang a giant portrait of themselves, Q suggests the guest bedroom with the eyes taken out like ones in old movies with hidden passages behind them.
“He is our only, well not technically, he is the only office employee but I do tell him that Socks has seniority.” – Walt about Git’em
“I feel as though I’ve been broken since then.” – Bryan about himself now versus early TESD
“Oh he is a fuckin’ prick its amazing.” – Quinn
“You and your generation can sit on it, Maribeth” – Walt as Bry
“Your eyes are so empty.” – Maribeth about Bry
“Do you think Bezos is on steroids?”- Walt
“The fuckk? You looking for Fair Lady or are you looking for some fuckking big cheeks slapping in front of your nose?” – Walt to Q
What generation would you want to be part of. Walt thinks Quinn’s body would be too pussified to survive ancient Greece. Walt would want to be a poser greaser in the 50s. Bryan would want to be in the early 60s.
Bryan and Maribeth have been watching old episodes of Little House on the Prairie. Nothing goes on in that show. Walt suggests watching “Police Woman” about a 50 year old Angie Dickenson going under cover to bust porn rings.
Q recounts the New York Halloween Parade.
Which celebrities have come out the other end of black face and haven’t been cancelled.
Walt ponders if Bezos is using performance enhancing drugs, he’s turning into a super villain right in front of everyone. What makes recently single men try and get into shape and married men let it all go.
Bryan mentions he wears Raycons while blowing leaves leading Q to make the same “who’s Leaves” joke several times.
Sage calls Pam and her mom Karens for complaining about a restaurant being closed.
The Curator is in studio sitting in on the episode, the GOAT of TESD listeners.
Old people wander in to TESD Studios looking for a hearing aid store that used to occupy that space.
Gallagher and Kevin Conroy recently passed. Q recalls a time he was unable to smash a watermelon to Gallagher’s liking.
Q reveals that Benjamin Cat died over the weekend and how he appreciated all the ants reaching out.
Walt asks Quinn to explain Cryptocurrencies. Should TESD go public on the NY Stock Exchange? How would the shareholders earn a profit?
Walt says it is due time for Git’ems annual review. Should he be promoted from Office Coach to Office Manager? Walt gives Git’em a test to see if he deserves it. In each instance Walt portrays the angriest employee ever.
Test 1: How to handle an employee cooking fish in the microwave, stinking up the joint.
Test 2: How to handle a situation where the person in charge of music at an office party plays songs with volatile language.
Test 3: How to handle an employee who always gives unwanted physical compliments to the female workers.
Test 4: How to handle two employees talking about sexual exploits in the bathroom.
Test 5: How to handle an employee spending way too much time in the bathroom.
Test 6: How to handle other people’s food mysteriously missing from the break room.
Test 7: How to handle an employee making loud angry personal phone calls at work.
Test 8: How to perk up low morale at the office
Test 9: How to handle rumors of an office streaker. Bryan was once accused of walking out of a bathroom naked except for shoes.
Curator, Bryan and Quinn all think Git’em’s answers deserve the promotion. Walt has one big reason why he can’t. He doesn’t want to invest in a new uniform that says manager.
Walt’s mom insists on him taking vitamins but Walt will only take Flintstones. She purchases him a years worth of Flintstones gummies, which is not the classic vitamins of his youth.
Black Friday plans for the General Store. Baron and Coach Git’em will be there for pictures, Q will bring R&H merch for sale.
Git’em expresses interest in going to see Twerking contest at Fantasy’s. Q is not into twerking. Bry recalls a twerker holding up traffic.
“It really showed me what a piece of shit I was.” – Walt
“Can you draw Elvis’ penis for us?” – Q
“Fuck a Johnson!”- Bryan
“I’m like the guy in Schindler’s List.”-Bryan choosing which Koi lives or dies.
“Thank God you live in Jersey, you can get that Koi abortion.” – Walt
“Did Michael Jackson get some Mother X action?”- Walt about Priscilla Presley
“This is harder than coming off opiates”- Bryan about lack of TV
Recorded from the empty Johnson Estate. The lack of furniture makes for echoey acoustics.
Q is impressed with the expansive koi pond with its many waterfalls and offshoots. Walt worries about the koi’s health in the harsh New Jersey winters, says he should put them in a plastic kiddie pool and bring them inside. Apparently they go into hibernation under the frozen pond. The pond appears to be way over populated, Walt provides some advice to remedy it. Maribeth vows to name every individual fish.
Walt tries to buy Bry a Bed, Bath and Beyond $200 gift card and accidentally buys one to Bath and Bodyworks causing him to pay for 2 different cards.
Could Bryan create a 4 Color Demon club in the basement?
Bryan buys Maribeth tickets to a Blue October show for their 2nd anniversary, apparently they also sell tickets to the sound check prior to the show for people to hear them rehearse with songs not being played at the main concert. Walt calls it out for being a scam.
Has Bryan married his mother? Maribeth’s love of Blue October matches Pam’s love of Josh Groban.
Q suggests Bry get acquainted with his neighbors and drop off some pies. Walt maintains he is the best neighbor and is more valuable to his neighbors than they are to him.
Millenials and Gen Z are terrified to answer a doorbell.
Q recommends Bryan get a bat house to help with the mosquito population. Bry imagines Sage with rabies.
Q visits Graceland for Elvis week and attends a candle light vigil for the King. Q gets to meet Priscilla Presley and Barbara Eden at the vigil.
Ryan Hearst wants to play Sentry in the MCU.
Walt not impressed with She Hulk, says its too CW ish.
Walt realizes he actually likes kids saving the world after finishing Stranger Things.
“Are you trying to break down my walls here?” – Walt
“Your tender walls.” – Q
“My sugar walls?” – Walt
“I wanted to talk to you about beer and alcohol in general.” – Walt to Q
“This is an intervention.” – Bry
“Have fun with your brain cells dyin'”- Bryan
“He’s still out there trying to steal free comics from me.” – Walt
“I don’t know how to mix chemicals and shit, what am I a scientist?” – Walt
“She’s like what, is butt fuckin’ next?” – Bryan as Maribeth about bro-love
“Hurhurhurhur, where’s the shakes Grimace?” – Bry
“It opens at noon for me, I let you come in at 11 because you got no where else to go!” – Walt to Git’em
“I’ll put my stream up against your stream any day!” – Walt
Q flies down to Memphis to surprise his parents with a special visit to Graceland helped with his connections he made there.
Walt reads an article that says that any amount of alcohol, no matter how small can cause brain damage. He enjoys being able to say “I told you so.” Walt wonders how his customer that he used to deliver comics to has survived so long with his wet brain when seemingly healthy people drop dead all the time. He hasn’t changed at all in the 10 years since TESD has started.
Q ponders the cover to Poison’s Flesh & Blood album of the band’s name and album title as a tattoo and wonders if people ever look back and regret getting it in real life. Would there ever be a time where it comes around to be cool again?
Bry catches heat on Reddit after last week’s annoyance at the mask confusion.
Bryan hangs out at Q’s house but the constant fall of white petals stops him from swimming in his new pool. Q’s pool boy can’t keep up with the pollen.
Bryan takes the time to tell Walt that he loves him, making Walt very uncomfortable. Bry wonders why he can say it so freely to Q, Sal and Mewes but has never told Walt.
Bry asks Walt what he would do if on the Grand Canyon Road Trip Maribeth disappeared between stops and Bry told everyone she ran off with a trucker. Would they believe him? Q says the real question is why Bry is not more upset and is still going along with the trip. Bry wonders if Frank and Mrs. 5 would invite him into their bed.
Q says if there is ever a time Maribeth is shopping around for a nursing home for Bry, that he would take him in with his IJ money. He could do water aerobics in the pool.
Would IJ continue if Q was transitioning from male to female? Q doesn’t think so as the guys wouldn’t be able to make fun of him.
Q goes through a list of hair and glam metal stars to see if he can be considered a fan of the genre. Once it gets to Bon Jovi he has to admit it.
Walt finds an article about Toxic Masculinity and reads through the examples to see if they are guilty of it. Examples include making fun of people wearing safety gear, making fun of guys wearing purple, making fun of guys that admire female athlete, being subservient to their wives, and not being into cars. Walt admits he has been the perpetrator and the victim in several of these.
Some highlights of the General Store logbook are read. Git’em has been leaving stuff all over the place but Walt doesn’t chastise him because it would be toxic to chide him for his pack rat nature.
China bans Doctor Who and all time travel related pop culture. Walt and Q think it might be because they are trying to hid the truth that they have discovered the secret.
“My cat almost pissed in my face the other day.” – Bry
“I’d never fart in a restaurant.” – Walt
“Why is he doing it, why!” – Bry
“Shit won’t get me here, vaccine won’t travel all the way down here.” – Walt
“I don’t know if what I’m doing is worthy of a life worth living.” – Walt
“On your family coat of arms it says ‘Good Enough'” – Bry
“I’m not totally against this, I’m all about smiting your enemies.” – Q
“That’s why I will only live with pets that I could beat the shit out of if I ever have to.” – Walt
“I agree Edgar on so many things I’m like ‘oh no!'” – Bry
Impractical Jokers wins the MTV award for best unscripted comedy. Q is expecting Walt and Bry to undercut this achievement as MTV is not that prestigious. Jersey Shore wins the lifetime accomplishment award and Q buddies up with Vinnie. Snooki yells at host Nikki Glaser for shitting on reality shows.
Bryan is now fully vaccinated and is befuddled how no one can agree if masks are or are not still required among the vaccinated populace. Walt believes Covid congregates around the butthole.
The TESD General Store has a journal which documents the day to day activities. Most days just involve watching 70s TV with Git’em. Walt asks Git’em if he thinks he is past his prime, Git’em maintains he hasn’t hit his prime yet. Q suggests making a TESD General Store Cameo account where it’s like a grab bag who is on the recording, it could just be Walt or Git’em, you might luck out and get a Bry or a Q. Walt considers recording an emergency Patreon podcast with Git’em for weeks where they don’t have anything: The TESD General Store Old Timey Radio Hour.
The wedding photographer at Bry’s wedding has died suddenly. Is Bry a bad person for not feeling bad after he told him he needed to suck in his gut while shooting him getting dressed for his big day?
Walt mentions a future Bro Side Attractions where Bry, Walt, Frank 5 and their respective ladies are going to the Grand Canyon and invites Q to fly out and meet them there.
Bryan swindled by not being able to get a refund for a cancelled Kids Bop Concert.
Bryan asks Walt if he would be annoyed if when Bry dies he insists in his will that Walt give the Eulogy knowing it would make him uncomfortable? Q thinks Eulogiez would be a great Vinylcast III.
During the recording of Bryan’s appearance on Who are These Podcasts Princess Mitch sprays urine all over him.