#536: Salmon in the Microwave

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Description:

Little House on the Prairie vs Police Woman, Ming goes to Dubai, Bry, Walt and Q join the Curator to give Git Em an employee evaluation

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

The Curator

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person

Game

Quotes:

“He is our only, well not technically, he is the only office employee but I do tell him that Socks has seniority.” – Walt about Git’em

“I feel as though I’ve been broken since then.” – Bryan about himself now versus early TESD

“Oh he is a fuckin’ prick its amazing.” – Quinn

“You and your generation can sit on it, Maribeth” – Walt as Bry

“Your eyes are so empty.” – Maribeth about Bry

“Do you think Bezos is on steroids?”- Walt

“The fuckk? You looking for Fair Lady or are you looking for some fuckking big cheeks slapping in front of your nose?” – Walt to Q

Memorable Moments:

What generation would you want to be part of. Walt thinks Quinn’s body would be too pussified to survive ancient Greece. Walt would want to be a poser greaser in the 50s. Bryan would want to be in the early 60s.

Bryan and Maribeth have been watching old episodes of Little House on the Prairie. Nothing goes on in that show. Walt suggests watching “Police Woman” about a 50 year old Angie Dickenson going under cover to bust porn rings.

Q recounts the New York Halloween Parade.

Which celebrities have come out the other end of black face and haven’t been cancelled.

Walt ponders if Bezos is using performance enhancing drugs, he’s turning into a super villain right in front of everyone. What makes recently single men try and get into shape and married men let it all go.

Bryan mentions he wears Raycons while blowing leaves leading Q to make the same “who’s Leaves” joke several times.

Sage calls Pam and her mom Karens for complaining about a restaurant being closed.

The Curator is in studio sitting in on the episode, the GOAT of TESD listeners.

Old people wander in to TESD Studios looking for a hearing aid store that used to occupy that space.

Gallagher and Kevin Conroy recently passed. Q recalls a time he was unable to smash a watermelon to Gallagher’s liking.

Q reveals that Benjamin Cat died over the weekend and how he appreciated all the ants reaching out.

Walt asks Quinn to explain Cryptocurrencies. Should TESD go public on the NY Stock Exchange? How would the shareholders earn a profit?

Walt says it is due time for Git’ems annual review. Should he be promoted from Office Coach to Office Manager? Walt gives Git’em a test to see if he deserves it. In each instance Walt portrays the angriest employee ever.

Test 1: How to handle an employee cooking fish in the microwave, stinking up the joint.

Test 2: How to handle a situation where the person in charge of music at an office party plays songs with volatile language.

Test 3: How to handle an employee who always gives unwanted physical compliments to the female workers.

Test 4: How to handle two employees talking about sexual exploits in the bathroom.

Test 5: How to handle an employee spending way too much time in the bathroom.

Test 6: How to handle other people’s food mysteriously missing from the break room.

Test 7: How to handle an employee making loud angry personal phone calls at work.

Test 8: How to perk up low morale at the office

Test 9: How to handle rumors of an office streaker. Bryan was once accused of walking out of a bathroom naked except for shoes.

Curator, Bryan and Quinn all think Git’em’s answers deserve the promotion. Walt has one big reason why he can’t. He doesn’t want to invest in a new uniform that says manager.

Walt’s mom insists on him taking vitamins but Walt will only take Flintstones. She purchases him a years worth of Flintstones gummies, which is not the classic vitamins of his youth.

Black Friday plans for the General Store. Baron and Coach Git’em will be there for pictures, Q will bring R&H merch for sale.

Git’em expresses interest in going to see Twerking contest at Fantasy’s. Q is not into twerking. Bry recalls a twerker holding up traffic.

#527: Barbara Eden is 90!!

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Description:

Q goes to Graceland, Bry changes his name to Sherwin-Williams, cross-shaped docks, woke nightclubs.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Mentioned Person

Game

Quotes:

“It really showed me what a piece of shit I was.” – Walt

“Can you draw Elvis’ penis for us?” – Q

“Fuck a Johnson!”- Bryan

“I’m like the guy in Schindler’s List.”-Bryan choosing which Koi lives or dies.

“Thank God you live in Jersey, you can get that Koi abortion.” – Walt

“Did Michael Jackson get some Mother X action?”- Walt about Priscilla Presley

“This is harder than coming off opiates”- Bryan about lack of TV

Memorable Moments:

Recorded from the empty Johnson Estate. The lack of furniture makes for echoey acoustics.

Q is impressed with the expansive koi pond with its many waterfalls and offshoots. Walt worries about the koi’s health in the harsh New Jersey winters, says he should put them in a plastic kiddie pool and bring them inside. Apparently they go into hibernation under the frozen pond. The pond appears to be way over populated, Walt provides some advice to remedy it. Maribeth vows to name every individual fish.

Walt tries to buy Bry a Bed, Bath and Beyond $200 gift card and accidentally buys one to Bath and Bodyworks causing him to pay for 2 different cards.

Could Bryan create a 4 Color Demon club in the basement?

Bryan buys Maribeth tickets to a Blue October show for their 2nd anniversary, apparently they also sell tickets to the sound check prior to the show for people to hear them rehearse with songs not being played at the main concert. Walt calls it out for being a scam.

Has Bryan married his mother? Maribeth’s love of Blue October matches Pam’s love of Josh Groban.

Q suggests Bry get acquainted with his neighbors and drop off some pies. Walt maintains he is the best neighbor and is more valuable to his neighbors than they are to him.

Millenials and Gen Z are terrified to answer a doorbell.

Q recommends Bryan get a bat house to help with the mosquito population. Bry imagines Sage with rabies.

Q visits Graceland for Elvis week and attends a candle light vigil for the King. Q gets to meet Priscilla Presley and Barbara Eden at the vigil.

Ryan Hearst wants to play Sentry in the MCU.

Walt not impressed with She Hulk, says its too CW ish.

Walt realizes he actually likes kids saving the world after finishing Stranger Things.

Q goes to Key West for Jiggy’s bachelor party.

#504: Gotcha!

Description:

Dr. J joins the boys for a surprise end-of-the-year ep.

Host/Guest:

Walt Flanagan

Bryan Johnson

Brian Quinn

Erik Johnson

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I wish he lived in the east coast. He’d be my doctor…..I’d let him look everywhere. I just trust him so much.” – Walt

“How come you just didn’t take Lithium then?”- Walt

“I just couldn’t take my eyes off that naked baby.” – Bry

Games Played:

Memorable Moments:

Erik visits home for the holidays for the first time in 15 years, gives knives as gifts.

Lithium has mellowed Bryan out in the past year.

What does the future of Covid look like? Do you need booster shots every year like the flu?

Nostradamus predictions for 2022.

Real AI is not as cool as C-3PO and R2D2

Matrix and Spider-Man chat

Hypothetical situation: What if Bryan shot a porch pirate? Erik would distance himself. Q would wear a “Free Bryan” T-Shirt on IJ.

Top stories of 2021.

#481: Silent Sufferin’

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Pod Description:

Hair metal tattoos, Q saves Bry from a nursing home, who in TESD shows toxic masculinity?

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

ReOccuring Segments

Quotes:

“Did he once urinate on the floor?” – Bryan

“I wanted to say to Walt, I love you.” – Bryan

“Are you trying to break down my walls here?” – Walt

“Your tender walls.” – Q

“My sugar walls?” – Walt

“I wanted to talk to you about beer and alcohol in general.” – Walt to Q

“This is an intervention.” – Bry

“Have fun with your brain cells dyin'”- Bryan

“He’s still out there trying to steal free comics from me.” – Walt

“I don’t know how to mix chemicals and shit, what am I a scientist?” – Walt

“She’s like what, is butt fuckin’ next?” – Bryan as Maribeth about bro-love

“Hurhurhurhur, where’s the shakes Grimace?” – Bry

“It opens at noon for me, I let you come in at 11 because you got no where else to go!” – Walt to Git’em

“I’ll put my stream up against your stream any day!” – Walt

Memorable Moments:

Q flies down to Memphis to surprise his parents with a special visit to Graceland helped with his connections he made there.

Walt reads an article that says that any amount of alcohol, no matter how small can cause brain damage. He enjoys being able to say “I told you so.” Walt wonders how his customer that he used to deliver comics to has survived so long with his wet brain when seemingly healthy people drop dead all the time. He hasn’t changed at all in the 10 years since TESD has started.

Q ponders the cover to Poison’s Flesh & Blood album of the band’s name and album title as a tattoo and wonders if people ever look back and regret getting it in real life. Would there ever be a time where it comes around to be cool again?

Bry catches heat on Reddit after last week’s annoyance at the mask confusion.

Bryan hangs out at Q’s house but the constant fall of white petals stops him from swimming in his new pool. Q’s pool boy can’t keep up with the pollen.

Bryan takes the time to tell Walt that he loves him, making Walt very uncomfortable. Bry wonders why he can say it so freely to Q, Sal and Mewes but has never told Walt.

Bry asks Walt what he would do if on the Grand Canyon Road Trip Maribeth disappeared between stops and Bry told everyone she ran off with a trucker. Would they believe him? Q says the real question is why Bry is not more upset and is still going along with the trip. Bry wonders if Frank and Mrs. 5 would invite him into their bed.

Q says if there is ever a time Maribeth is shopping around for a nursing home for Bry, that he would take him in with his IJ money. He could do water aerobics in the pool.

Would IJ continue if Q was transitioning from male to female? Q doesn’t think so as the guys wouldn’t be able to make fun of him.

Q goes through a list of hair and glam metal stars to see if he can be considered a fan of the genre. Once it gets to Bon Jovi he has to admit it.

Walt finds an article about Toxic Masculinity and reads through the examples to see if they are guilty of it. Examples include making fun of people wearing safety gear, making fun of guys wearing purple, making fun of guys that admire female athlete, being subservient to their wives, and not being into cars. Walt admits he has been the perpetrator and the victim in several of these.

Some highlights of the General Store logbook are read. Git’em has been leaving stuff all over the place but Walt doesn’t chastise him because it would be toxic to chide him for his pack rat nature.

China bans Doctor Who and all time travel related pop culture. Walt and Q think it might be because they are trying to hid the truth that they have discovered the secret.

#480: The Human Fifi

*Featured image by @Dayoldpizza

Pod Description:

Q wins a major award. Could you beat up an elephant? Have Bry, Walt & Q outlived their desirability?

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

ReOccuring Segments

Quotes:

“My cat almost pissed in my face the other day.” – Bry

“I’d never fart in a restaurant.” – Walt

“Why is he doing it, why!” – Bry

“Shit won’t get me here, vaccine won’t travel all the way down here.” – Walt

“I don’t know if what I’m doing is worthy of a life worth living.” – Walt

“On your family coat of arms it says ‘Good Enough'” – Bry

“I’m not totally against this, I’m all about smiting your enemies.” – Q

“That’s why I will only live with pets that I could beat the shit out of if I ever have to.” – Walt

“I agree Edgar on so many things I’m like ‘oh no!'” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

Impractical Jokers wins the MTV award for best unscripted comedy. Q is expecting Walt and Bry to undercut this achievement as MTV is not that prestigious. Jersey Shore wins the lifetime accomplishment award and Q buddies up with Vinnie. Snooki yells at host Nikki Glaser for shitting on reality shows.

Bryan is now fully vaccinated and is befuddled how no one can agree if masks are or are not still required among the vaccinated populace. Walt believes Covid congregates around the butthole.

The TESD General Store has a journal which documents the day to day activities. Most days just involve watching 70s TV with Git’em. Walt asks Git’em if he thinks he is past his prime, Git’em maintains he hasn’t hit his prime yet. Q suggests making a TESD General Store Cameo account where it’s like a grab bag who is on the recording, it could just be Walt or Git’em, you might luck out and get a Bry or a Q. Walt considers recording an emergency Patreon podcast with Git’em for weeks where they don’t have anything: The TESD General Store Old Timey Radio Hour.

The wedding photographer at Bry’s wedding has died suddenly. Is Bry a bad person for not feeling bad after he told him he needed to suck in his gut while shooting him getting dressed for his big day?

Walt mentions a future Bro Side Attractions where Bry, Walt, Frank 5 and their respective ladies are going to the Grand Canyon and invites Q to fly out and meet them there.

Bryan swindled by not being able to get a refund for a cancelled Kids Bop Concert.

Bryan asks Walt if he would be annoyed if when Bry dies he insists in his will that Walt give the Eulogy knowing it would make him uncomfortable? Q thinks Eulogiez would be a great Vinylcast III.

During the recording of Bryan’s appearance on Who are These Podcasts Princess Mitch sprays urine all over him.

A shocking amount of Americans believe they could win a fist fight with a bear.

Walt remembers playing with a taxidermied iguana as a child until it exploded with maggots. Bry invisions a future where he is taxidermied and turns into a real life Oogie Boogie.

Walt get’s wolf called by two older women who tell him he’s got a sweet ass.

#462: Gimme The Loot

Pod Description:

Bry, Walt and Q sit down with the record store clerk to face off with their love-making playlists.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Tim the Record Store Clerk

Quotes:

“It’s not like there’s anything wrong with getting fingered! Girls want to get fingered!” – Q

“I usually fuck to the Oscar Meyer jingle.” – Bry

“You’re just trying to find a reason to be positive with him. Fuck him, he chose bad songs let him wallow in his shit!” – Walt

“Welcome to the world of being disgusting.” – Bry

“Ok, the leaves from your tree are everybody else’s problem but yours.” – Q

“Who better than a middle aged man to judge another middle aged man’s song to get busy to?” – Walt

“Yeah, he’s a human sneer.” – Bry

“If I had the time to listen to it, I’d have the time to be in it!” – Q about Patreon.

“Wow, coke must be something else.” – Bry

“If you had white sheets on the bed you’d look like two chameleons going at it!” – Walt

“Turn up that skit, Ming!” – Bry

“Churchills assaults weren’t this planned.” – Q

“There’s no need to use your mouth, it’s Blaze of Glory!” – Q

Games Played

Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists

Memorable Moments:

Tim the Record Store Clerk sits down at the table for the episode and to judge the first non-Patreon appearance of PPP.

Walt announces there will be a Puck Nuts year end retrospective of 2020 in sports coming later this year.

Could Impractical Jokers get away with branding children’s coffins? Q wants to be buried in a Sherman Tank.

Video of a rapper armed with a flame thrower shooting it off on top of a bus has been released, is this some sort of publicity stunt?

Maribeth may be suffering from the Johnson curse after she takes Bryan’s surname and gets chemical burns from a Nair treatment gone wrong and an infected toe.

Tim’s band, The Ribeye Brothers, has a new record coming out, Every July Peas Grow There.

Bryan brings in his coloring books as discussed in the previous episode. Walt is honestly impressed with the level of detail and shading Bryan is doing. Walt begins to analyze Bry’s coloring like an art therapist to guess his emotions at the time of the coloring. Could TESD coloring books be in the future?

HGTV star Karen Laine’s home has been burgled twice. Each time the bandit leaving a calling card, human feces.

The guys play Purveyors, Posers, and Playlists: The Theme this week is Songs to get Busy to.

Walt’s picks:

Bryan’s picks:

Q’s picks:

During Comic Book Men Walt reveals he wouldn’t drive anywhere with Ming and Bryan for fear they’d play rap music in the car.

Git’em is walking almost normal due to the vitamins he’s been taking.

#460: Fat Tit

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Pod Description:

Bry discovers he may not be a breeze of a friend. Should platonic buddies breed? Curse of the parrot.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“The Brits are really getting a little, you know, wussy.” – Walt

“You’re exquisite.” – Walt to Git’em

“He has put his body through disfigurement to provide his lovers with pleasure!” – Walt

“Does anyone have anymore painkillers?” – Bryan

“Maribeth feels there’s a real ‘Daddy, love me!’ rivalry between Tom and Git’em.” – Bryan

“We already told Chuck to go fuck himself, we’re too proud to call him back.” – Q about the audio only Christmas pod.

“I did a couple documentaries for Kev and never did I lie on a bed.” – Walt

“He looks like the dude in Raiders of the Lost Ark with his face melted off.” – Walt

“It must be taxing at times to be my friend.” – Bryan

“Twat is definitely for the ‘vagine’.” – Q

“We might not be where we are as a world if Git’em hadn’t flunked out of college.” – Walt

“What more do you want? He’s smart as a fuckin’ whip, you want ambition too?” – Walt about Git’em

Memorable Moments:

TESD reveals this years Christmas pod is returning to it’s roots as an audio only affair to be released at midnight on Black Friday, this may or may not have anything to do with Vimeo skyrocketing the cost to host the bandwidth for TESD’s Patreon videos.

The guys discuss the second Borat film. Walt loved the original Ali G show but did not enjoy any of the films. Bry and Q think that the actress playing Borat’s daughter was even better than Sacha Baron Cohen. What was Giuliani doing on that bed?

Q defends the use of human beings as furniture.

Walt is confused by the idea of Platonic Co-Parenting. Walt thinks kids need to see parents who genuinely love each other. Bryan attests it could be worse.

Bryan recalls some times his impulsiveness at playing jokes could come across annoying. When Walt’s daughter was christened he got them a card featuring a black boy and white girl kissing and wrote inside “No matter what your Dad says, there’s nothing wrong with this.” Walt had to hid it from his family member in an interracial marriage. Another time Bry wrote thank you cards to Walt’s daughters for attending Sage’s birthday party as if it were Sage writing it condemning them for leaving so early.

No two Johnsons have ever been married at the same time. Bryan and Maribeth might need to divorce for Erik to find love ever again.

Bryan suggests a TESD wife-swap and believes he can win Deb Flanagan over into not thinking he’s such an asshole.

A home in the UK is asked to remove his Halloween decorations for being too scary.

Cursing Parrots have been removed from a British wildlife park for offending visitors.

Walt asserts Git’em is the only one smart enough that could possibly fake his own death and fool Policy Genius. Q asks Git’em to come over to test his knowledge on random topics such as Traffic Cameras, Dark Matter and CHUDs.

New Jersey is the most hated state in the US.

#456: Musical E

*Featured Image by Eric Mason

Pod Description:

Thanks to Q, Walt relives a familiar nightmare. How to crack a safe. Jsarge brings good vibes and comedian Steve Byrne joins the pod.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Git’em Steve Dave

Steve Byrne

Mentioned Person:

J-Sarge

Quotes:

“How would the Devils’ know I’m an asshole?”-Walt

“I’m a fruity guy.” – Bry

“Really, you’re gonna stick a finger up a kids’ ass? What kinda guy are you?” – Bry

“Are you secretly judging me cuz I’m not wearing a mask?” – Bry

“America’s Superman.” – Bry, sarcasticly

“I might be biased. I’m probably biased. I’m definitely biased.” – Walt

“You’re propping yourself up with that word when all you’re really doing is driving by something saying ‘There it is'”. -Walt about Bry the educator

“It’s a dark fuckin’ week for education.” – Walt

“Pam and Edgar were real High Falutin’ with the spelling of names.” – Walt

“Didn’t you leave fuckin’ a thousand dollars under your couch? So why do you doubt highly someone would put money in a place it should go, a fireproof fuckin’ safe!” – Walt

“What’s that shit people do at raves? That’s what I feel like doin.” – Walt

“I am Retardicus, listen to my good vibes.” – Bry

“With that spaceship there I shoulda known it was a planet, not a cookie.” – Walt

“IF’s the key word Bob, what’s his fuckin name?” – Walt

“To not include a stand-up such as Sal Vulcano does that make a statement on your opinion of his stand-up skill?” – Q

“Oh please don’t tell me. It’s not Marshall Manlove!” -Walt

“Two seconds more he’d have Q’s finger up his ass.” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

Q drives to Florida for some family things but when he tries to fly back he misses a flight and observes distinct lack of mask adherence.

Q records an interview with former NJ Devil Scotty Gomez for NHL.com, making this episode a sequel to #317 This Is Why! Q and him hit it off and have been texting ever since. He is even sending Q some Alaskan Salmon he caught.

Bryan, Maribeth and Sage fly to Vegas for a short trip. Bryan wants to include some educational experiences for Sage so plans to visit the Grand Canyon and Hoover Dam. Both of these fall through and their last ditch effort at an Aquarium is cut short after the power goes off halfway through the tour.

Bryan is set to visit Erik in a few weeks. He claims his brother is feeling much better since we last heard from him. He has been posting views from his beachside palace to his Instagram feed.

Walt reads an article about a couple who buy a house and find a 700 pound safe that they can’t open or remove and offer whatever that is inside to anyone who can. Walt asks Git’em for what his approach would be. Git’em is worried about the release of poisonous gas if he tries to drill in, Q thinks he would just use a torch to cut away the outer safe to reach the inner. Walt would just lift it up with a rope and pulley and drop it out the window Looney Tunes style. Git’em says he has had safe-cracking and lockpicking experience.

Maribeth’s family similarly has an old safe that no one could open stored away in a barn and offer what’s inside to Bry. Walt, Bry and Q think it would make for fascinating Patreon material to do a live opening like Geraldo Rivera did with Al Capone’s vault.

J-Sarge releases his latest album, Thoughts Ungone, on bandcamp. Q promises to play it on his R&H Radio Program.

Comedian Steve Byrne calls in to talk to the guys about stand-up comedy, the NJ Devils, the Action Park documentary, and his new film “The Opening Act”.

Steve tells a story about how he worked a USO show in Afghanistan and as they were leaving believed the troops were shooting off fireworks to show how much they appreciated them. In reality it was RPG flares trying to shoot down their plane.

A New Jersey hypnotist is arrested for subjecting his patients to illegal prostate exams.

#455: Potpourri of TESD

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Pod Description:

Q is elected minister of defense. Bry wants a muscle car. What music would you play for aliens?

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Maribeth Johnson

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I thought he was going to play something classical. He kept saying ‘atoll’.” – Bry

“We can’t trust them Canadians” – Bry

“Walt, send me a dick pic.” – Bry

“But you can safely assume they ain’t got fuckin’ Robert Plant and Jimmy Page, asshole!” – Walt

“I don’t want my family around when I’m alive, certainly not when I’m dying.” – Bry

“I don’t care if Messier fuckin’ gets testiclear cancer, I got a couple voodoo dolls of him.” – Walt

“Poor Fatone, Poor Fatone” – Bry and Q

“Why don’t you think of the environment for once instead of yourself!” – Walt

“If you don’t have children you can do whatever you want for the rest of your life and you will still be saving the environment more than someone with one kid.” – Q

“Number one thing to to do to save the environment is not have kids” – Q

“Who the fuck is Rich the Kid? What about Bry the Adult? I can rap!” – Bry

“I guess I’m the joke.” -Q

“Who’m I versus?” -Q

“It’s the McHale’s Navy of Aliens.” – Q

“Get da fuck outtaheah!” – Bry as Q

“Why’s he keep saying ‘atoll’? No one knows what he’s talking about?” – Walt

“They call it the Garbage Atoll” – Q

“I feel like she listened to Bob Barker and neutered me.” – Bry

Memorable Moments:

The news of Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s death hit right before the recording of the episode. Walt believes it is too close to the election for another Supreme Court Justice to be appointed, Q thinks we are about to see some hypocrisy.

Bry says he wouldn’t want to be surrounded by friends and family on his deathbed. He’d rather crawl off and die under a log like an animal. Would you rather die peacefully in your sleep or get 5 more years of pain?

The world of politics have become like a spectator sport where people root for their party like they do for their teams. Walt remembers how the Devils got him more heated than anything else in the world and believes if you don’t feel the pain of defeat your aren’t a real fan.

A former girlfriend of Q’s had the unpopular opinion that the lead singer did not make the whole band.

Q wants to ask the car guys among the listeners if he would be laughed out of a body shop if he went to get the 89′ Crown Victoria restored to it’s full glory.

Bry is thinking of getting a 1970 Buick Skylark after his jeep’s lease runs out.

Instagram releases Reels, a TikTok clone which is full of nothing but hot girls dancing and gaining millions of followers.

The topic of dick pics arise. Walt would never send one, Q has only sent one, Bry had earlier this week.

A UFO sighting sets the Garden State abuzz, ends up being the Goodyear Blimp.

Japan releases protocols for pilots to follow when they see a UFO.

Walt and Bry question Q if he was Defense Secretary how would he deal with First Contact with an alien species. Q says he’d keep his fingers on the trigger but let them make the first move. Bry and Walt push him to go in guns blazing like a real American. Q would meet on a neutral territory, some atoll. Q would introduce the Aliens to Led Zeppelin to try to communicate, Walt wants Q to explain WAP to them.

Vox claims Beethoven music is racist.

Bry tries to renege on the long standing bet made with Q about VHS tapes not being around after 10 years first heard on #091: Cindy’s Fuck Truck. Patreon released a VHS copy of a Frank Five’s Rewind.

Bry asks Walt what he would do if Maribeth came to him thinking Bry was cheating and asked him to use his Super Smeller to catch a whiff of another woman on him.

#454: Eyes Up!

*Featured Image by themedievalsnowman

Pod Description:

Greeting cards aren’t for everyone. Is your vision worth a toke of weed? Wedding talk.

Host/Guest:

Bryan Johnson

Walt Flanagan

Brian Quinn

Maribeth Johnson

Git’em Steve Dave

Mentioned Person:

Quotes:

“I’ve never seen Sal’s balls, I’m sorry to say.” -Q

“Do you think that like anybody that knows the pope personally talks shit about him?” – Bry

“Fanboy’s stand-in got blottoed.” -Walt

“I hate the cold more than I love those restaurants.” – Bry

“You can’t give him that much chocolate! He can go into toxic shock syndrome!” – Walt quoting Sunday Jeff

“That’s the fact Jack!” – Walt claiming greeting cards are a woman’s game

“We grew up seeing each others balls!” – Walt

“I would turn that around on you so fast!” – Walt if he caught a dick looker.

“I live in the bottom of a volcano, it’s where all these fine fabrics come from!” – Walt as Mack Weldon.

“Remember when I said I haven’t done drugs? That would be the day we go to fuckin’ North Jersey and we’re getting the first drug dealer we see and are pumping me up with whatever drugs he has and get me an ice cream scoop cuz I’m gouging my eyes out!” – Walt if one of his daughters married a guy twice her age.

“I love you, well more than a brother I guess.” – Bry’s speech to Q at his wedding (in front of Darin and Erik)

“We’re raising spiders, you can buy the eggs if you want Mr. Q!” – Walt as the mansion manager.

Memorable Moments:

Bry pimps his satellite radio show with Eric Nagle “Would you Kindly“.

The SD card which contained the previously recorded TESD was corrupted so all wedding talk had to be recreated for this episode. Bry had previously been using multiple cards per recording with no issue and became complacent. Walt likens it to insurance, you don’t need it til’ you need it!

The Mooby’s pop up brings scores of customers to the Secret Stash as Walt says the business is the best it’s been since before the quarantine. Unfortunately they are selling a Secret Stash beer and not R&H so Q is not amused.

Walt wants to support the dining industry by eating outside even in the dead of winter.

Joe Gatto is promoting his new book but foregoes an invitation to TESD to go on some bigtime show. Walt asks why Murray never came on to promote any of his books.

A South Carolina woman gouges her own eyes out after taking meth. Bry claims this alone would be enough to scare him away from that particular drug. Walt believes this action is par for the course for any drug.

Bry is getting pressured to send out Thank You cards to guests from his wedding, Walt says that must be because of Maribeth as dudes don’t typically care about that sort of thing. Are greeting cards a woman’s market?

Bry jokingly suggests that guys with really big beards should be exempt from wearing masks.

Maribeth and Bryan recap the wedding weekend. Bryan asked the photographer to capture pictures of the Bridal Party in various states of undress. Are women more comfortable getting changed in front of others than men? Walt and Bry reminisce on showering at school in front of the entire class as discussed in #068: Shower Power.

Q performed the ceremony and claims he worked harder writing the sermon than anything he’s professionally wrote in his entire career. He mentions up to the minute rewrites to include mentions of Erik’s drunken rant as heard in #452: Die on Every Hill.

During an ad for Mack Weldon Walt claims the different tiers remind him of Scientology.

Bryan and Maribeth though Walt looked like Scarface at the wedding with his dress shirt unbuttoned and the chain he was wearing.

The music at the wedding was a mix of traditional and nontraditional as the orchestra played the Sanford and Son as well as the Psycho theme. Bry and Maribeth’s first dance included the entire disco routine from Boogie Nights.

Walt envies Bryan’s relationship with Sage since she will be more child-like longer. Walt does not like interacting with his daughter’s boyfriends and mostly ignores them.

The wedding DJ was quite the character as during the mother-son dance she went off script claiming Bry and Pam were more than Mother/Son but best friends as well. She also claimed trying to make it in Hollywood but “grew sick of the Casting Couch”.

Ming buys an autographed picture of a Baltimore Oriole from the bathroom at the wedding venue. Apparently everything was for sale in the entire place.

A Lancaster man gets shot after chasing a cop with a knife. Are people protesting just for the sake of protesting?

The pope claims gossip is a worse plague than Covid.

After the episode proper Walt and Git’em fill out a questionnaire to get Git’em set up with a subscription to the pod’s new sponsor Take Care Of vitamins. Some insights about Gitem’s health and eating habits are revealed.